Combating Programming with Insect Repellent

Not all bad things are caused by cults or other evil groups. They aren’t all-powerful, despite their grandiose claims. It’s a great way to spread fear and to divide people into two camps, those who believe their claims and those who don’t. Sadly, “Divide and conquer” works very well.

As a child, I believed their boasts and threats. I blamed myself for all the harm they told me I had caused. I hadn’t caused it, I wasn’t capable of causing it, and I had never even heard of it. It was a heavy burden of guilt, and to this day, I still at times struggle with it.

Part of that burden was the belief that I was powerless to do anything to stop what I supposedly had started, and I couldn’t protect myself or others from it. Layers of guilt and remorse piled up. Powerless and hopeless, I became passive in the face of any danger.

Yesterday, I faced a real and nasty threat and took steps to protect myself – something I wouldn’t have thought of doing in past years. I want to brag a little and share what I learned in the hopes that I may encourage others to protect themselves, too.

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Protecting Yourself from Ticks 

Gardening season is starting! (And so is tick season.) Ticks can be infected with bacteria, viruses, and parasites. Like mosquitos, they bite you and drink your blood, transmitting whatever disease they are carrying. Trust me, you don’t want to get any of those diseases! Luckily, they can be treated if caught early enough.

Here’s the list of tick-borne diseases found in the US: Anaplasmosis, Babesiosis, Borrelia, Bourbon virus, Ehrlichiosis, Heartland virus, Lyme disease, Powassan disease, rickettsiosis, Rocky Mountain spotted fever, STARI (Southern tick-associated rash illness), Tick-borne relapsing fever, and Tularemia.

Immature ticks live on the ground and like to hide in dry leaves. Adult ticks climb up grass stalks or the branches of small bushes. Your feet and lower legs are, therefore, the most vulnerable parts of your body. Obviously, it’s not a good idea to go barefoot in the summer.

If you are not allergic to chemicals, there are two that reliably kill or repel ticks and are considered safe by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and the States (usually that state’s agriculture office.) O.5% permethrin kills ticks in under 30 seconds, and DEET repels them. 10% DEET wears off quickly and has to be reapplied hourly., but 40% DEET lasts up to 5 hours. Both are found in big box stores and garden centers.

Permethrin is sprayed on clothes, hats, gloves, and shoes. It is very irritating to the skin, so wear gloves, sunglasses, and a mask while spraying clothes. If it gets on your skin, wash it off with soap and water. It also kills mosquitoes and can be used on mosquito netting and tents. It lasts for about six weeks of use or five or six washings.

DEET, which repels insects but does not kill them, can be used directly on your skin. It’s the most popular and effective insect repellent available. It is not oily, does not smell bad, and is available as an aerosol can, pump spray bottle, stick, lotion, cream, or wipe. DEET can also be sprayed on your clothes for an extra layer of protection.

When you go out, tuck the bottom of your pants into your socks or shoes and your shirt sleeves into long gardening gloves. Wear a treated hat and scarf. Add sunscreen and sunglasses to protect yourself from the sun. You are more apt to spot a tick if you wear light-colored clothes rather than dark ones. And if you wear clothes made with tightly woven fabric, they tend to slip off, while they grab on the coarsely woven fabric more easily.

I bought spray pump bottles of Sawyer Products SP619 Premium 0.5% Permethrin and “Repel” Insect Repellent Sportsmen Max Formula Spray Pump 40% Deet. It took a couple of hours to treat a shirt, a pair of blue jeans, socks, and gloves. My hands were sore afterward.

Today, I found a company called Insect Shield, which sells treated clothing online. You can also send them your own clothes, and they will treat them for about $10.00 per item. The treatment is guaranteed for the life of the clothing. 

You should shower within two hours of being outside in the summer and check yourself for ticks, especially around your feet, in any place with hair, your neck and scalp, and any place where one piece of clothing meets another. You are also supposed to wash your clothes each time you use them, but I am sure I would just dump them on the garage floor – if I had a garage.

It was a lot of work, and, in the long run, I think doing it myself would be more expensive than buying a pretreated shirt and pants.

What if You Get Bitten Anyway?

If you remove an infected tick within 24 hours, it will not transmit any disease to you. The risk of infection rises dramatically after 48 hours and is practically 100% by 96 hours (4 days.) So don’t skip checking yourself each time you invade their home territory.

If you find one, forget the old-fashioned advice about using nail polish or Vaseline on the tick or scraping it off with a credit card. Here is what is recommended today.

Tick Removal

1. Use fine-tipped tweezers or forceps to grasp the tick as close to the skin’s surface as possible. Pull straight up with steady, even pressure. Don’t twist or jerk the tick. If you can’t remove the mouth parts easily, leave them alone and let the skin heal.

2. After removing the tick, thoroughly clean the bite area and your hands with rubbing alcohol, an iodine scrub, or soap and water. A topical antibiotic may also be applied.

3. Save the tick for identification. Make sure the tick is dry and seal it in a small plastic bag or vial for testing later, in case you develop symptoms.

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These are the articles I used to research that information.

TickEncounter: Field Guide to Ticks (Lots of useful miscellaneous information – my favorite!) https://web.uri.edu/tickencounter/fieldguide/ 

The Prevention of Tick Bite and Tick-borne Disease: Tick Checks and the Use of Insect Repellents. https://portal.ct.gov/-/media/caes/documents/publications/fact_sheets/entomology/repellentfactsheetnewformat2015pdf.pdf

Diseases Transmitted by Ticks / CDC https://www.cdc.gov/ticks/diseases/index.html 

Tick-borne Diseases: Recommendations / CDC https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/tick-borne/recommendation.html

Insect Shield. (This company comes up first in search engines, and its products are listed on Amazon. However, it was sued by the government for falsifying lab results on quality control testing of soldiers’ uniforms. They subsequently settled.)

https://www.insectshield.com/

Here is a list of companies that carry treated clothing. I haven’t checked them out to make sure they protect against ticks.
Aventik, BALEAE, Bayleaf, Ben’s, BUFF, Cedarcide, Duluth Trading Company, ExOfficio, Forloh, Gamehde, Hadley Wren, Insect Shield, L. L. Bean, Legendary Whitetails, LYMEEZ, Pang Wangle, Sawyer Products, Shoo for Good, Simms, and Tyndale.

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More on the Cult

It’s silly to think that making a shirt, blue jeans, gloves, and two pairs of socks tick-proof could combat cult programming in any way. It’s not like they tortured me with ticks. Nobody paid attention to ticks in those days. So why did it make me feel stronger and safer?

Cognitive dissonance, that’s why. They had taught me that they could create and control any evil thing that could ever exist and that there was nothing I could do – nothing anybody could do to stop them. And I proved them wrong!

Not that ticks are evil – they don’t think in those terms. But they do carry diseases that could make me very, very sick for the rest of my life. And I, little old me, acted to protect myself from that nasty fate! After a couple of hours of work, I felt more capable, more competent, and definitely less afraid. Not bad!

Beltane

Beltane used to be the worst day of the year for me, and now it is just another Satanic holiday. Sometimes, it even feels like an ordinary, non-Satanic holiday. It wasn’t too long ago that I never dreamed this change could ever be possible. I hope that all of you who suffered SRA will come to this point, and soon!

I thought it might be useful to write about Beltane’s background in case it explains some strange thoughts or memories. 

Beltane (May Day) is an ancient Celtic pagan holiday. It is six months from Samhain (Halloween) and halfway between the spring equinox and the summer solstice. The solstices and equinoxes are variable, and May Day and Halloween used to be, too. Now, they are always on May 1 and October 31.

The Celts started each day at sundown, believing that all life begins in darkness. Therefore, Beltane starts at sundown on April 29 and ends at sundown on April 30. 

In many Satanic groups, the evening of April 29 is called Walpurgisnacht. The Saxons named “May Eve” after Walpurga, the goddess of beauty, warmth, and fertility. The Catholic Church transformed this goddess into St. Walpurga, an English missionary to Germany in the 8th century. (St. Walpurga is the patron saint of those who suffer from diseases and evil spirits.) “Nacht” is the German word for night, and thus we have Walpurgisnacht. In parts of Germany, it is thought of as a mini-Halloween because St. Walpurga chases away evil spirits.

In the olden days, Beltane was a fertility holiday, marking the start of summer. Cattle were brought to their summer pastures, and bonfires were lit to honor the sun god, Bel. It was a time of rejoicing and unrestrained sexuality, whether between god and goddess or between mere humans. People stayed up all night and danced in the fields to ensure the crops’ fertility or went “a-maying” in the woods to ensure their own. At sunrise, home fires were lit from the sacred bonfires, and then there were games and feasting.

I was told by one survivor that children conceived on Beltane were called “spawn of Satan” because no one knew who had fathered them. It makes me sad that even one child should grow up believing that.

I’ll end on a happier note – Beltane will be over and done with on Tuesday, April 2. That’s not too many hours from now!

Miscellaneous Notes

Svali has collected almost all her writings in one place. It contains many chapters from her most recent book, “Never Give Up: The Autobiography of a Survivor of Ritual Abuse and Mind Control,” as well as articles and most of her early writings. It is very heavy reading, and I suggest reading it slowly.
https://svalispeaksagain.wordpress.com
https://svalispeaksagain.wordpress.com/blog/  

“50 Voices of Ritual Abuse”
Short interviews with ritual abuse survivors, most from Europe. Some of you may recognize Svali, Anneke Lucas, and others who have websites or YouTube channels. https://www.50voices.org/en/start-en/

Plural Positivity Online World Conference 
For all those who identify as many, as well as their allies.
Starts at 11:30 am PTD, May 17, 2024
Ends at 10:30 pm PTD, May 18, 2024
Information: https://powertotheplurals.com/ppwc/
Archives of past events: https://pluralevents.org/

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Three Sides of Me

I was wondering how a polyfragmented multiple (I know that’s me, for sure, I think) comes across to other people. In the process, I found I could organize myself into three parts, all formed in early childhood.

The first part I became aware of was the broken self. By the time I was a toddler, I was broken, and I have been ever since. I am not mended, I am not healed, and I never will be. I have, though, learned to live with my brokenness in a different way. 

For many years, I had no idea what had been done to me. The amnesia was a thick, dark blanket covering the most formative events of my childhood. I was carefully trained not to know, like the three little monkeys: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Do No Evil. Nothing happened. Nothing had ever happened, nothing was happening, and nothing was ever going to happen. 

How could I grasp that I was broken? Nobody told me, and all I knew I learned from adults. I had no idea that people could be broken like a water glass. And yet, by the age of six, I knew I wasn’t like other children and that something was the matter with me. 

I stayed in this condition until I was 52. So many years of wondering if it could be this or that that was wrong with me. Never finding out what “it” was. So many years of fruitless therapy. 

Finally, the amnesia lifted, and I remembered some things that had happened to me in a generational Satanic cult. Finally, I had the answer; I knew how I had been broken. First came a wave of relief, then began the hard work of learning how not to suicide, how not to die from terror. I started to forge a new life, living each day with the knowledge of what is the matter with me. 

I have known for 34 years, and I shall live with this knowledge for the rest of my life.

Next, I realized that I had a parallel life that did not include Satanism. I was raised to be a nice, polite little girl. I was given pretty clothes and sent to good schools. No raising my voice, no running, no getting dirty. No anger, no complaining, no lying, and, of course, no violence. Little girls are made of “sugar and spice and everything nice,” you see. Such a nice little girl would never in a million years give a hint of what’s involved with growing up in a Satanic cult nor what it is like to be used in child pornography. 

This nice little girl became a pastel version of a real child. She is the second part of me, as real as the broken part. She got good marks in school and learned to behave appropriately in all sorts of situations. She not only kept me alive, but also kept me out of an institution for insane children. All this with no idea of what was happening to her at night. 

The amnesia kept her from knowing herself for 52 years. She did not know how heroic she was, how brave she was to summon the strength to learn long division, cursive writing, perfect manners, knitting, and sewing.

She has never gone away. After all these years, she still remembers most of what she was taught. She cannot fix the brokenness, but she can accept that part and do no further harm to this battered other side of herself. (A nice girl would never show anger, even to a dirty, broken little girl.) She has learned to live with her pastel past in a different way.

These two sides of me are fairly easy to describe. There is a third side, though, that is harder for me to recognize. I am calling it the “authentic” part. 

By this, I don’t mean that it is the “real” me or the “core” me. I don’t want to imply that the other two sides of me are, in some way, less than this third part of me. What I want to convey is that the authentic part has characteristics that are innate, like eye color or lack of musical talent. I was not taught to be authentic; I would have been like that no matter what environment I grew up in. 

Those traits, however, grew and matured in an environment that included the pastel part, the broken part, the family I was born into, and the particular place we all lived in. That part was exposed to the same school, the same cult, and the same pornographers.

I’m not sure how long I have been aware of the authentic part – I would say only five or ten years. I have gotten glimpses of it before but have not been able to connect the dots. 

At a certain point, I realized that other people had consistently described me as being a certain way. I did not believe them because I did not see myself that way. I soon forgot what they had said. (Hearing something that does not fit your worldview causes “cognitive dissonance.” One way to resolve the conflict is to forget the viewpoint that contradicts your worldview.) Looking back, I understand what they were saying – I have consistently shown a somewhat twisted sense of humor, for example. I can’t explain where it came from, but it’s been there since childhood.

About five years ago, I started to ask my therapist what I had been like when we first started working together. She told me I was less present, more depressed, and more anxious. No surprises there!

She also told me that I had been loyal, kind, and caring, that I had been connected to other survivors, that I wrote well, and that I had a good sense of humor. These were all things I was hearing from others.

Now things are starting to make more sense. I had been puzzled when people told me how much I meant to them because I had only noticed situations where I felt I had failed. It seemed that I was allowed to think negatively about myself, but not positively. Slowly, I am letting go of what I was trained to think about myself and letting myself consider the possibility that I am, in fact, kind and caring. I can love and am loveable.

As little as five years ago, I felt there was no continuity to my life, to my self. It was as if the fragments that compose me were moved around by a breeze. I drifted through life, adapting to whatever environment the breeze dumped me in. I felt I had no choice or control. How could a vast number of fragments, at random times forming groups from a random selection of fragments, blown about by the wind, possibly have a coherent identity?

I have some ideas about how a bunch of fragments might coalesce into a group that would remain stable over time. That will be a whole other blog post.