Ritual Abuse and Denial

* Detailed instructions for making comments are in “News Items.”

* If you are concerned about being tracked through your search engine, here is one that, unlike even duckduckgo.com, is encrypted https://www.searchencrypt.com/.

* There is a public Facebook group titled: “LDS Survivors of Ritualistic Abuse, Mind Control and Organized Abuse”

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I promised I would write about denial. I started off thinking, “Oh this will be easy,” but I was mistaken. I found that denial, minimization, repression, and amnesia were all mixed up in my mind. After sleeping on it for several days, I figured out that in denial and minimization the thought, feeling, or memory is not forgotten, it resides in the conscious mind; it just isn’t interpreted the way most people would interpret it. Whereas in repression and amnesia the thought, feeling, or memory is unconscious.

Denial is. well, denying something is so. Minimization is admitting it’s so, but believing it isn’t really all that bad.

I’ll give an example from my past. For years I said (and believed) I didn’t self-harm. All that time, though, I was scratching the back of my neck and picking off the scabs. That’s denial. On and off I was aware I was doing this but I never really thought about what it might mean. When I finally admitted to myself that I was self-harming, I said that it didn’t really count because it was so much less severe than taking drugs or cutting or burning myself. That’s minimization.

True, it was a mild form of self-harm. But it still was self-harm.

I figured out that I had been abused in the woods as a young child and that the twigs and stones on the ground had left scratches on my back. I was recreating those scratches and I didn’t know why. It was the memory trying to surface and I made sure those scratches stayed open until I recognized it as a sign from my unconscious that I needed to pay attention to something.

When I got the memory and processed it, I no longer had the need to scratch myself. If I need to remind myself, I can take a mirror and see the scars. I can’t see the internal; scars, but I know they are there and sometimes I am acutely aware of them.

This example of denial didn’t cause any real harm to me or to anybody else. But often denial leaves destruction in its wake, like a hurricane. It ruins relationships and sucks the joy out of life for the person in denial and all those around them. People adapt to the denier’s behavior and this, rather than bringing peace and harmony as hoped, feeds the denial. The behavior being denied becomes a secret, corrosive as all secrets are.

Think of an alcoholic who says, “I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink beer.” But how many beers a day? Or “I only drink after five o’clock.” But how much? Does the money spent on alcohol strain the family budget? Does that person turn nasty and say horrible things to his kids? Are there fights, sometimes ending in violence? And what happens when that person blacks out?

Now the role of denial in alcoholism is much better understood than it is in survivors of ritual abuse, perpetrators, and family members. I think that’s because amnesia and multiplicity are much more central in ritual abuse and denial tends to be overlooked.

Let’s take a ritual abuse perpetrator who is also an alcoholic. (I am using the masculine pronoun, although we all know that there are many female perpetrators, probably just as many as male.) Chances are that he is amnesiac for his ritual abuse activities. If confronted, he would be baffled and think the person who was accusing him was crazy or had some ulterior motive to cause trouble. Why would anybody make up something like that? It would make no sense to him.

Of course, it might be possible that some of this information had leaked through to him. Perhaps he dreamed of orgies. This bothered him because he had never been to an orgy and had absolutely no desire to go to one. But he might have an uneasy, irrational fear that the accuser could read his mind and he might react defensively out of shame and fear. Whereas, if the action is conscious, no matter how much the person tries to push it away, he would know, on some level, that the accusation is true.

So, I believe that the closer the information is to the surface, the more angry and defensive he would be.

Now, although he may tell himself his drinking isn’t to the point of being alcoholism, the drinking is not close to the surface, it’s on the surface and he is conscious of it every day. In other words, he knows, but, in order to justify holding on to his addiction, he denies its severity and minimizes it, both to himself and to others.

When he is confronted, he may be defensive, angry, and argumentative. Unless he is ready to give it up because it is causing him too much pain, in which case he will react with relief. Relief, of course, isn’t available to a person if he is amnesiac and doesn’t know of his behavior.

Writing this has sorted some things out for me. I hope it helps to sort things out for others, too.

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Upcoming Holidays

November
11/22 US Thanksgiving
11/23 Full Moon
December
12/21 Yule/Winter Solstice
12/22 Full Moon
12/24 Christmas Eve
12/25 Christmas Day
12/31 New Year’s Eve

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups
11/9 Kristallnacht
(Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lamas, Halloween, solstices, equinoxes, and full moons.)

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News about Ritual Abuse and MInd Control

*May you be safe over Halloween. May you be gentle with yourself. May you remember that Halloween will be over soon.

* Detailed instructions for making comments are in “News Items.”

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I’m posting this early, because I will be busy tomorrow! (Cataract surgery.)

So much has been happening recently that I thought I would bring it all together in one post.

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Conference Listings

I’ve gotten burned out listing all upcoming conferences and workshops. Don’t yell at me – I have been doing it for nineteen years!! So I have decided to post only things that come into my inbox and which catch my fancy. If you come across something that you think is of value, can you email me at rahome@ra-info.org or, better yet, add it to the comments section of the blog? Thanks!

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Anthology of Accounts of Difficulty Finding a Therapist

Jade Miller writes:

American friends: I’m working on a new project and wanted to see if anyone is interested in taking part.

What I’d like to do is highlight the need for trauma-informed care in America. I’d like all who are willing, to email me the story of their search to find a therapist that can help them with dissociation, DID, personality disorder in general, or (C-) PTSD. If you did eventually find one, please tell me how long it took. If you haven’t been able to, please tell me that.

I’m setting up a site where I will post those stories – with permission, (because that’s the point of this project) so please don’t send me a story you don’t want me to share. I can withhold your name if you prefer to be anonymous…make sure you tell me that.

I haven’t (in 4 years of trying) figured out yet how to change the education requirements in America for those who want to become therapists/ psychologists… but I have an email and I’m not afraid to use it. 😉 I will send a story a week to someone in a position of authority, asking if they know how to change this situation. Sometimes it might be the dean of a major college. Sometimes it might be someone on one of the licensing boards. SURELY if I throw enough rocks I’ll hit something good!

If you’re interested, I set up a separate email for this so that they don’t get lost in my “Talk to J8” email. It’s
thetraumasurvivorstale@gmail.com

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You can read Jade’s post “Pregnancy and Loss in Ritual Abuse” at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2018/09/30/pregnancy-and-loss-in-ritual-abuse/

and a review of her first “Dear Little Ones” book at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2015/04/29/book-review-dear-little-ones/

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Anthology of Accounts of Forced Abortion, Sacrifice, or Forced Adoption of Babies

I am working on an anthology of prose, poetry, and artwork about women who have been impregnated in a cult setting and lost their child through forced abortion, sacrifice, or forced adoption. Submissions by partners, friends, therapists and another allies are also welcome.

I’m seeking submissions from all over the world, not just from the United States. If you are not confident about your English, I would be happy to help you with the translation

Except for very minor edits, the accounts will be written just as submitted. I want everything to be in your words, not in mine. I’ll let you know if I make any changes.

Please use a pen name. I, as the editor, will use one, too. Please make sure you, your perpetrator, and the group which abused you cannot be identified. If you have trouble being true to your truth without identifying the group, I will help you work around the problem.

Even if you have not been abused this way, could you spread the word and tell all your survivor friends, therapists, pastors, etc. about the project? Thank you so much!

You can contact me at rahome@ra-info.org for more information. I also have a post office box now if you would rather write me. If you are submitting a piece, remember to give me a way to get back to you, as there is paperwork to allow me to use your writing.

RA Projects
PO Box 14276
4304 18th St.
San Francisco CA 94114

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Surveys on Aspects of Non-State Torture

Linda MacDonald and Jeanne Sarson of “Persons Against Non-State Torture” in Canada conduct research to gain information to back up their activism. They define non-state torture as “Non-State torture (NST) is torture committed in the private or domestic sphere. For instance, NST is committed by parents, spouses, other kin, guardians, neighbours, trusted adults, strangers, human traffickers, johns, pimps, or pornographers in various public and private places.” This includes ritual abuse.

There are seven surveys on their website. I believe all of them are still open.
1. Abuse/Assault versus Non-State Torture
2. For Persons Who May Have Survived Non-State Torture
3. Torture Inflicted in Prostitution
4. Tortures Inflicted in Trafficking
5. Sexualized Harms Inflicted by “Others”
6. Discrimination and Stigmatization
and the newest, which concerns suicide programming
7. Suicidal-Femicide Criminal Victimization

All can be found at https://www.nonstatetorture.org/research/participate

In addition, surveys were done on the location of the abuse. This project is no longer active but the raw data is available. See https://www.nonstatetorture.org/~nonstate/research/maps-surveys

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defendinnocence.org

A mother in Utah shared a website I like. There are resources for parents and other caregivers on how to talk to your child about good/bad touch, setting boundaries, the right to say “no,” and other topics. Simply writen, easy to understand, no jargon. https://defendinnocence.org/

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What’s Happening in Utah

Workshops on healing from ritual abuse are occurring almost weekly across Utah. They are forming in response to people’s needs and are nor planned months ahead with pre-registration, keynote speakers, etc.

There’s a public Facebook group called “Breaking the Cycle of Abuse” at https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingabuse1/ It is for survivors of all sorts of abuse who have chosen to stay within the LDS Church as they heal.

There are also on-line private groups, to which you must be invited. If you know any Mormon survivors, write them and ask fro an invitation.

McKenna Denson is in the process of suing the Church for covering up her abuse and promoting her perpetrator, despite the the fact that she has a taped confession of him abusing multiple women. There are videos of her speaking on her Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/mckenna.denson.3 and on Youtube. (I would select some for you, but my flakey computer has no volume at the moment and its flakey owner can’t figure out how to fix it.)

Sam Young, a former bishop of the LDS Church, has a Facebook Page at https://www.facebook.com/sam.young.988926 He was excommunicated after a hunger strike to call attention to policies that shame children about sex in interviews that probe for sexual acts they might have committed.

Sam has organized “Protect LDS Children,” which has a website at protectldschildren.org/

There is a petition with over 50,000 signatures which you can sign calling for policies to be updated to safeguard children. Almost 1000 people have submitted stories about their experiences in these interviews and the after-effects. You can search the stories for the following themes:

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt
2. Childhood self-loathing
3. Adulthood self-loathing
4. Normalizing children to sexual questions by adult men. (Grooming)
5. Sexual abuse. (Pedophilia)
6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage.
7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming.  Often lasting decades.
8. Suicidal Ideation
9. Attempted Suicide
10. Suicide of a loved one or friend.

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That’s a lot, isn’t it? I might collect information and post it every few months if people like it.

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UPCOMING HOLIDAYS

October

10/31 Halloween/Samhain/All Hallow’s Eve/ Hallomas/ All Souls Day/Start of the Celtic new year.
November

11/1 All Saints’ Day
11/22 US Thanksgiving
11/23 Full Moon
December
12/21 Yule/Winter Solstice
12/22 Full Moon
12/24 Christmas Eve
12/25 Christmas Day
12/31 New Year’s Eve

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups

11/9 Kristallnacht
(Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lamas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes)

Halloween 2018

* Detailed instructions for making comments are in “News Items.”

* I am looking for people who have been impregnated in a cult setting and lost their child through forced abortion, sacrifice, or forced adoption for submissions for an anthology I hope to put together. Even if you have not been abused this way, could you spread the word and tell all your survivor friends and therapists or pastors about the project? They can write me at rahome@ra-info.org for more information. Thank you so much!

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I am thinking of all the people, adults as well as children, who will be hurt this Halloween. And all the animals who will be sacrificed. I have a special sadness for the black cats that will be killed, as I had a black kitty named Bobcat.

I wish I could somehow help everybody escape. Of course I can’t, but I still wish I could. I know that all I can do is tell my truth, that I was born into an intergenerational Satanic cult and that I escaped and, with a lot of hard work, made a happy, productive life for myself. I, and countless other survivors, are living proof that it can be done. And if somebody who is still enslaved happens to read about one of us, it may inspire them to free themselves.

You know, if enough people break their programming, there won’t be any more abusive cults!!! Attrition, that’s what we can hope for. That some day there will be only one Satanic circle left, and it will consist of three toothless old men who are having trouble remembering the rituals. It won’t be in my lifetime, but that is okay.

To those of you who are still caught in their evil embrace, I wish freedom for you. If you are ready to try and get out, I urge you to make a safety plan for Halloween, if you haven’t already done so. And make a back-up plan, in case you need to change direction. It’s so much better to be prepared than to have to wing it while you are terrified. If you aren’t ready, there will be opportunities in the future.

And please remember that leaving is usually a process, not an event, like flipping a light switch. Each time you try, you learn something more and are stronger and better prepared for the next attempt. Just because this attempt failed doesn’t mean the next one is fated to fail, too. Keep hoping, have faith that you will be able to escape, and keep plotting how you will do so.

For those of you who are out, whether it be for a few years or many, parts of you may not really believe this. They may feel fear and despair and their feelings may be communicated to you. Please try and remember that this is a “feeling flashback,” not reality. Talk to those parts (don’t expect an answer) and tell them that you are sorry horrible things happened to them and glad that they are alive and trust you enough to let you know how they feel. Do what you can to soothe them – in doing so you will soothe yourself.

I am in a phase where I am not very reactive to Satanic holidays. I can’t say I like any part of Halloween, but I am not going to freak out. This year will be a real test of whether or not I have flashbacks.

You see, I have cataract surgery scheduled for October 30! I had one eye done in January, so I am prepared for what will happen. It’s still not the best choice of days, I must admit. Especially as they threatened to blind me if I didn’t obey. But that is another story.

This time I get to blame the insurance company, not the cult. They will only cover the surgery if it performed in one place, a day surgery clinic. The clinic doesn’t have enough space to accommodate all the surgeons who want to use it so the waiting list is very long. I was originally scheduled to have it done on June 30, six months after my first surgery. Unfortunately I got an infection and they had to cancel it. I was then offered a date in January 2019 but talked my way onto the waiting list for a cancellation. When I lucked out, I took a deep breathe and accepted the October date.

It will be fine.

I’ll be thinking of all of you during those days and holding you in my heart with great tenderness.

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UPCOMING HOLIDAYS

October

10/24 Full Moon
10/31 Halloween/Samhain/All Hallow’s Eve/ Hallomas/ All Souls Day/Start of the Celtic new year.
November

11/1 All Saints’ Day
11/22 US Thanksgiving
11/23 Full Moon
December
12/21 Yule/Winter Solstice
12/22 Full Moon
12/24 Christmas Eve
12/25 Christmas Day
12/31 New Year’s Eve

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups

11/9 Kristallnacht
(Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lamas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes)