Talking to Young Parts

Remember the RA/MC Survivor Poetry Reading

On Saturday, October 23 at 4-5:30 PM Pacific Time, there will be a joyous event. Another online poetry reading! I hope those of you who missed the first one will come to this one.

The format will be a little different. The event will be shorter, but it will have the same structure. Greetings and a preview of what’s coming, the poetry reading itself, a short break, and then questions and answers. This time, people are invited to read one of their own poems.

Sign up for it at Eventbrite (click “register”)  https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/ritual-abuse-survivors-read-their-poems-of-suffering-and-healing-tickets-179703978437  

If you want to be on the mailing list, let me know in the comment section and I’ll make sure you are included. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~ 

I’ve been wondering how come I can give suggestions on how to talk to littles, suggestions that people actually find useful. And yet I don’t have young parts inside me. Nobody is there with a name, with even a hint of what they look like, no sounds of crying. So what gives me the right to give suggestions?

I think I merge three things:

  1. Personal experience of what it was like to be various ages
  2. Reading lots of psychology and child development books, getting an MSW
  3. Having my own kids and learning (with difficulty) how to communicate with them at various ages

This mishmash of experience, knowledge, curiosity, and willingness to experiment makes me comfortable talking to the littles that I don’t have and the littles that many other multiples do have.

I talk to myself “as if” I had littles inside. I just assume that some part of me is listening and understands what I am saying. And if not, it is strengthening ideas in my brain that are counter to those that were laid down by the cult and my family. However it works, I know it works because I see the results.

When you think about it, there must be memories and feelings from the past, either conscious or unconscious, and they must be able to change. So if you have a memory, and you say over and over, “It wasn’t your fault, they made you do it. It wasn’t your fault,” something will shift. Slowly you will notice that you don’t feel as guilty. You won’t hate yourself as much. You will feel lighter, you will be able to breathe more freely.

It doesn’t matter what the inside of your mind is like, or how it is organized, or what your diagnosis is, once you were a child, and once you were abused, and nobody was there to tell you it wasn’t your fault and to comfort you, to love you, to say they wished they could have rescued you. But you are here now, and so you can pay attention to the child you used to be. You can send love back through the years to your child-self, and somehow it will counter the hate you received back then.

When my children were little, I didn’t naturally know how to talk to them. I had decided I would do the opposite of what my mother did. That intention was helpful, but it didn’t give me the actual “how do” knowledge. It was a do-it-yourself project and I learned as I went along.

I’ll summarize some of the things I learned that were most useful. They apply to kids of all ages – and, if I stop to think about it, they apply to grown-ups, too.  

The first thing is your attitude. Respect the child parts (or outside children). They are human beings and as worthy as any other human being in the world. 

Children’s opinions and beliefs are valid. They are the best possible response they could have had to the situation they found themselves in. If you listen carefully, not only will you come to understand what the child is trying to communicate, but, by listening and not criticizing and ordering the child around, you will convey a spirit of respect and empathy.

A good way to show that you have paid close attention is to summarize what the child has said and to ask if you got it right. Invite the child to correct you if you have misunderstood anything. 

Note that being treated in this manner is a new experience for the little part you are speaking to. Perpetrators don’t give a shit what their victims think, feel, or believe. All they care about is power and control. Some parts may catch on quickly, some may take much longer to understand that you are different and that what you are offering them is real. Don’t give up on the parts that remain wary for a long time – it’s perfectly natural.

When you feel that you have a good relationship, one based on respect and trust, try expanding the child’s self-image. Point out that there are choices, and that it is okay to choose. Praise the child for stepping out of their comfort zone and learning something new.

Actually, I don’t wait for a relationship to develop to give choices when I talk to myself because my parts never answer and so I have no idea where we are in our relationship. I just, when I start to talk, say something like, “You can listen if you want to, but you don’t have to. Later on, if you decide you want to know what I said, some part inside can tell you. I will repeat this later, so you can listen then if you want to.” Offering choices, not pushing either choice, not rushing things. 

If you are talking to a part who does something you don’t like, you will have to prepare yourself to approach that part with respect, curiosity, and trust that the part is doing the very best it can under the circumstances. Or rather, trust that you will come to understand that part in a different way if you listen long enough. 

I had a friend who tried to strong-arm the alters who did things he didn’t like. His idea of an effective approach was, “Listen up, assholes.” That’s a great way to alienate anybody!

So hang on tightly to respect and the desire to know what is going on with that part.

If you are talking to children of different ages, you can:

  1. Tell the older ones that you know they can easily translate what you say into the language they use and then speak to the youngest in simple terms,
  2. Speak to the oldest and ask them to explain to the younger ones,
  3. Say at the beginning that you will flip back and forth in the language you use, talking first to one age group and then the other.

I had a friend read this over, and she suggested I say that many people’s thoughts are very visual. She’s right – people think in pictures, words, or both.

I have a friend who can’t think in words – it’s all pictures and patterns and colors. You would never guess; he is smart and articulate and has a large vocabulary. I knew a woman who thought in words as a child until she had a concussion. From that point on, she thought only in pictures. My thoughts are pretty redundant. If I think of a cow, I see a picture of a cow, hear the word cow, and see C O W written on its side.

My guess is that babies think in pictures and start adding words when they learn to talk. As their vocabulary grows, words are added to or replace pictures until they reach their preferred mode of thinking. If this is so, you are more apt to reach younger parts if you include word pictures in talking to your inner parts.

“It’s 2021 now. The cars are smaller than they were when we were little. Refrigerators – we called them iceboxes – are either white or shiny stainless steel. They used to be white or avocado green, remember? And you never have to scrape the ice off the inside of the freezer compartment.”

That’s not a very good example, but it’s all I can think of. It must be lunchtime!

One last thing —

It makes no difference if you are talking to inside littles or outside littles. If you have children, you will find that the same techniques work just as well as they do with your younger parts. After all, kids are kids, right? Children treated with respect want to please you and do what you want. Children who are told what to do, bossed around, naturally want to resist. There will probably be sullen obedience and meltdowns.

And for people like me, people who talk to furniture and computers and plants and stuff, well, it works there, too. Because the furniture isn’t listening, but some part of me is. That part of me will tell another part of me there is a problem, and, hopefully, some part of me will be able to fix that problem.

 ~~~~~~~~~~ 

 Upcoming Holidays

 October

 10/11 (?) Columbus Day

 10/13 Backward Halloween

 10/20 Full Moon

 10/31 Halloween/start of Celtic New Year/start of the dark half of the year

November

 11/1 All Saints’ Day

 11/2 All Souls’ Day

 11/4 Satanic Revels

 11/11 (?) Veterans’ Day

 11/18-19 Partial Lunar Eclipse

 11/19 Full Moon

 11/25 Thanksgiving Day (United States)

 11/28 First Sunday of Advent

 11/30 St Andrew’s Day

December

 Sundays of advent: 11/28, 12/5, 12/12, 12/19

 12/4 Total Solar Eclipse

 12/18 Full Moon

 12/21 Winter solstice/Yule/St. Thomas’ Day

 12/24 Christmas Eve

 12/25 Christmas Day

 12/31 New Year’s Eve

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups

10/16 Death of Rosenburg

10/19 Death of Goering

10/20 Hitler’s half-birthday

11/9 Kristallnacht

11/29 -12/16 Chanukah/Hanukkah (Jewish Festival of Lights)

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)

~~~~~~~~~~ 

You can find more information on the following holidays at: 

 Halloween (personal) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/ 

 Halloween (background) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/

 Thanksgiving – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/

 Yule/Winter Solstice – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/ 

 Candlemas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/

 Valentine’s Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/

 Spring Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/

 Easter: personal – (for background, see Spring Equinox) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/

 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/

 Beltane – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/

 Mothers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/

 Fathers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/

 Summer Solstice (corrected text) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/

 Lammas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/

 and https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/ 

 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/

 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/

 Fall Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/

Eventbrite invitation to ra/mc poetry reading

Here is the Eventbrite invitation

eventbrite.com.au/e/ritual-abuse-survivors-read-their-poems-of-suffering-and-healing-tickets-179703978437

This link leads to the webpage where you register, where you get your ticket, where you can contact us (at the very bottom of the page.)

Forward it to as many people as you want. All are welcome: survivors, therapists, and other allies.

Registering adds you to our mailing list.

Hope to see all of you there!

An online poetry reading by and for ritual abuse/mind control survivors.

Please join us on Saturday 23 October, 4:00 pm to 5:30 pm (Pacific Daylight Time) for an online poetry reading by ritual abuse/mind control survivors.

There will be 45 minutes of scheduled poetry readings, with the final 45 minutes allocated for an open mic poetry session (readers to nominate themselves on the day – 3 to 5 minutes per person) and for any questions and conversation.

Ritual abuse and mind control, by their very nature, can trigger strong emotions. The poetry will not be censored and we are not asking the poets to give trigger warnings. We will give a general trigger warning and suggestions for self-care at the start of the program.

This invite is open to survivors, therapists, support people and allies.

Presented by:
Jean Riseman, River and Leni of GrassRoots Ritual Abuse/Mind Control Survivors Collective
Chaired by Leni of Grassroots Collective

Please review the time zone in your local area. Time zones include:
Saturday October 23, 4:00 pm – 5:30 pm Pacific Daylight Time
Saturday October 23, 5:00 pm – 6:30 pm Mountain Daylight Time
Saturday October 23, 6:00 pm – 7:30 pm Central Daylight Time
Saturday October 23, 7:00 am – 8:30 pm East Coast Daylight Time
Sunday October 24, 10:00 am -11:30 am Melbourne AEST

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE
Grassroots RA/MC Collective
Organiser of Ritual Abuse Survivors Read Their Poems of Suffering and Healing

[Follow] [Contact]

How to sign up:

To sign up, click the button labeled “Register” at the right of the announcement.

On the next page, click “Register.” No typing is required (or possible) on this page.

On the next page, fill out everything and, once again ,click “Register.”

The following text appears on the final page

Thanks for your order!

ticket #1234567890

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Eventbrite invitation to ra/mc poetry reading

Here is the Eventbrite invitation

eventbrite.com.au/e/ritual-abuse-survivors-read-their-poems-of-suffering-and-healing-tickets-179703978437

This link leads to the webpage where you register, where you get your ticket, where you can contact us (at the very bottom of the page.)

Forward it to as many people as you want. All are welcome: survivors, therapists, and other allies.

Registering adds you to our mailing list.

Hope to see all of you there!



An online poetry reading by and for ritual abuse/mind control survivors.

Please join us on Saturday 23 October, 4:00 pm to 5:30 pm (Pacific Daylight Time) for an online poetry reading by ritual abuse/mind control survivors.

There will be 45 minutes of scheduled poetry readings, with the final 45 minutes allocated for an open mic poetry session (readers to nominate themselves on the day – 3 to 5 minutes per person) and for any questions and conversation.

Ritual abuse and mind control, by their very nature, can trigger strong emotions. The poetry will not be censored and we are not asking the poets to give trigger warnings. We will give a general trigger warning and suggestions for self-care at the start of the program.

This invite is open to survivors, therapists, support people and allies.



Presented by:
Jean Riseman, River and Leni of GrassRoots Ritual Abuse/Mind Control Survivors Collective
Chaired by Leni of Grassroots Collective



Please review the time zone in your local area. Time zones include:
Saturday October 23, 4:00 pm – 5:30 pm Pacific Daylight Time
Saturday October 23, 5:00 pm – 6:30 pm Mountain Daylight Time
Saturday October 23, 6:00 pm – 7:30 pm Central Daylight Time
Saturday October 23, 7:00 am – 8:30 pm East Coast Daylight Time
Sunday October 24, 10:00 am -11:30 am Melbourne AEST



AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE
Grassroots RA/MC Collective
Organiser of Ritual Abuse Survivors Read Their Poems of Suffering and Healing

[Follow] [Contact]

How to sign up:

To sign up, click the button labeled “Register” at the right of the announcement.

On the next page, click “Register.” No typing is required (or possible) on this page.

On the next page, fill out everything and, once again ,click “Register.”

The following text appears on the final page


Thanks for your order!

ticket #1234567890

YOU’RE GOING TO
Ritual Abuse Survivors Read Their Poems of Suffering and Healing
1 Ticket sent to
me@ssomething.com
DATE
Sat, 23 Oct 2021 4:00 PM – 5:30 PM PDT
ONLINE EVENT
You will receive the link to the event content in your order confirmation email, and in a reminder email before the event starts.



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YOU’RE GOING TO
Ritual Abuse Survivors Read Their Poems of Suffering and Healing
1 Ticket sent to
me@ssomething.com
DATE
Sat, 23 Oct 2021 4:00 PM – 5:30 PM PDT
ONLINE EVENT
You will receive the link to the event content in your order confirmation email, and in a reminder email before the event starts.

Two More Reasons to Rejoice

Another month has passed, another major Satanic holiday has passed. There is a breather until the next really, really major holiday. Many people find the end of October through the end of December a particularly hard, dreary time. We’ve made it through before, and we will make it through again.

Another RA/MC Survivor Poetry Reading

About three weeks from now, there’s going to be a joyous event. Another online poetry reading! I hope those of you who missed the first one will come to this one. Here’s the bare outline —

This reading will be a little different. It will be shorter, but it will have the same structure. Greetings, a preview of what’s coming, the poetry reading itself, a short break, and then questions and comments. What’s really different is that people can read one of their own poems during the questions and comments period.

There will be an Eventbrite announcement with sign-up information which I will post here as soon as I receive it. The reading will be over ZOOM, so if you need to install ZOOM, do it now and play around with it to get used to its features. It’s pretty easy – zillions of people use it and you will be able to, too.

Start and end times are:

Saturday, October 23 at 4-5:30 PM Pacific Time.
Saturday, October 23  at 5-6:30  PM Mountain Time.
Saturday, October 23  at 6-7:30  PM Central Time.
Saturday, October 23  at 7-8:30  PM East Coast Time.
Sunday October 24  at 10-11:30 AM Melbourne Time.

Over-all, this one was easier to organize than the last one. There were some parts that seemed more difficult, but not too many. We had most things in place, and that meant a lot less work for all. (When I say “we” I mean River, Leni, and me, the co-hosts last time.)

If you want to be on the mailing list, let me know in the comment section and I’ll make sure you are included.

~~~~~~~~~

A New GrassRoots RA/MC Survivor Community Organization

Creative people are good at creating things but not always good at polishing them or promoting themselves. I know that’s so for me; I tend to drop the ball toward the end of a project in dread of what is coming next. I’m also not very good at technical things. It’s much easier for me to write something than to get it up on the Net. I imagine that a lot of other people have this right brain/left brain problem.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a personal assistant all to myself? Or an assistant I could share with six or ten artists? Or an agent? We could all huddle together and do what they we do best in peace and quiet.

Problem – artists are not known for having extra money, not even enough to pay a sixth or a tenth of an assistant’s salary.

So, how about an organization that could do all this and run on volunteer power? There could be free DIY cheat sheets on a number of topics. A list of volunteers could be compiled. People happy to copy edit, proof read, design layouts, computer trouble shoot – all those good things that others are lousy at. In other words, sort of a cross between a good fairy and Task Rabbit.

This organization could also help artists with publicity – announcing their events, groups, or books in a newsletter and on social media sites and allowing them to use its name to broaden “brand recognition.”

What we can’t do for ourselves, by ourselves, we could do, together, for ourselves and for others.

Guess what? The co-hosts of the poetry series, Leni, River, and I, have created just such an organization. We are calling it “The GrassRoots RA/MC Survivor Collective.” Right now we are working on a website. When it gets a little further along, I’ll send you the link.

The first event to find a home at the GrassRoots Collective will be the poetry reading on October 23.

And, even as you are reading this, the second event is taking form in somebody’s mind.

(A little voice in the back of my head said, “Fuck Halloween. I have better things to do.” Hope others feel the same!)

 
Upcoming Holidays

October

10/11 (?) Columbus Day

10/13 Backward Halloween

10/20 Full Moon

10/31 Halloween/start of Celtic New Year/start of the dark half of the year

November

11/1 All Saints’ Day

11/2 All Souls’ Day

11/4 Satanic Revels

11/11 (?) Veterans’ Day

11/18-19 Partial Lunar Eclipse

11/19 Full Moon

11/25 Thanksgiving Day (United States)

11/28 First Sunday of Advent

11/30 St Andrew’s Day

December

Sundays of advent: 11/28, 12/5, 12/12, 12/19

12/4 Total Solar Eclipse

12/18 Full Moon

12/21 Winter solstice/Yule/St. Thomas’ Day

12/24 Christmas Eve

12/25 Christmas Day

12/31 New Year’s Eve

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
10/4  Hitler’s alternate half-birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual half-birthday, 10/20, and his alternate half-birthdate six months after Easter, which falls on 4/4 this year.)

10/16 Death of Rosenburg

10/19 Death of Goering

10/20 Hitler’s half-birthday

11/9 Kristallnacht

11/29 -12/16 Chanukah/Hanukkah  (Jewish Festival of Lights)

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)

~~~~~~~~~


You can find more information on the following holidays at: 

Halloween (personal) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/ 

Halloween (background) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/

Thanksgiving https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/

Yule/Winter Solstice https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/ 

Candlemas –  https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/

Valentine’s Day –  https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/

Spring Equinoxhttps://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/

Easter: personal – (for background, see Spring Equinox) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/

Walpurgisnacht/May Evehttps://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/

Beltane https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/

Mothers’ Dayhttps://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/

Fathers’ Day https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/

Summer Solstice (corrected text) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/

Lammas https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/

and https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/ 

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/

Fall Equinoxhttps://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/