I’m Jean, a survivor of ritual abuse and early mind control experimentation. From the moment my first memories came rushing through, I have yearned for and sought out other survivors. You are my brothers and sisters, my true family; we understand and believe in each other.

This blog is a way for me to connect with you and to share what I have learned in the last twenty-five-plus years in the hopes that it will make life a little less confusing. It also serves to increase understanding among those who have been fortunate enough not to have RA in their backgrounds. In this way, my abuse will no longer be just another case of pointless evil but will be transformed into increased connection, compassion, and love.

I’d be happy if you would check out my web page, www.ra-info.org. I’m very proud of it — it was started in 1993 and was the very first web page on ritual abuse! Back then, I wanted to start a lending library for RA books but was afraid of vandalism. I figured the next best thing would be a virtual library with annotated bibliographies, FAQS, ritual dates, and poetry.

Your experience is just as valuable to others as mine is. I’d like you to use the comments section freely. You can comment or respond to other’s comments, offering support, resources, and commiseration. Please also ask me questions and suggest topics for me to write about. And let us know if you have a blog or start one, so that we can come visit you. We can turn into a small community all of our own!

41 thoughts on “About

  1. I cannot find safety. It’s a long story and I need to speak/connect with someone who can help me understand whereto go. Will you talk to me? Can I email you or something? Thanks for this blog. I’m glad to those and you who did find safety.


    1. What a miracle that you survived your childhood… and then escaped, learned to live independently in the outside world, and found the path to purpose and satisfaction through helping others. Your spirit shines brightly. I am so glad you found this blog and reached out to connect with us.

      The AHAFoundation is much needed and I hope has been discovered by many women. I hope they will surround you with love during these last days, and that you may go knowing that you have made a difference in countless lives by speaking up.


  2. Jean,
    I just realized that clicking on photo just takes you to my bio. The link to my site is
    I have a sonnet sequence on the site that describes how abuse left me with a distorted understanding of love. As I said in my other comment, I have not included the ritual abuse component yet, but your site encourages me to do so. Feel free to share any of my posts on this site.


  3. Jean,
    I am 65 and a survivor of ritual abuse. My mother’s family was Mormon and the abuse I suffered started within that setting. I am a retired social worker who worked in Foster care and Adoption for 35+years. I also developed a curriculum to help women who experience trauma as children deal with the aftermath.

    It was so refreshing to read your post about the validity of our experiences.

    My healing journey began at age 34. I recently started a blog, https://charlottethomason.com. I have a sonnet sequence on the site that describes how abuse left me with a distorted understanding of love. The purpose of the blog is to share my story. I have been hesitant to share the Satanic ritual aspect, but God seems to be prompting me to add that portion. I can’t tell from what I have read whether or not you are a Christian, so forgive me if my worldview is out of line for this blog. I do not think I would have survived without an underlying belief in God and Christ. Part of my story is how my personal relationship with God protected me from going completely crazy. I am very glad I found this blog. Thank you for your courage.


    1. I’m glad you found my blog. Welcome!

      All sorts of people suffered from ritual abuse, and so I try and make the blog accessible to all. It would be fine to comment on blog posts from a Christian point of view, as long as you don’t try and convert people. As survivors, we never were given a chance to think for ourselves as children and so that freedom is precious as adults.

      I have had Christians write entries, and have recently published a post by Tara Workman-Tulley, a Mormon activist. (https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2018/08/10/tara-workman-tulley-ultra-marathoner-therapist-and-survivor-activist/) And I have been following Sam Young’s hunger strike and subsequent excommunication, drawing strength and inspiration form his bravery.


  4. I appreciate your blog very much. Your writing and fearlessness in telling your story helps me a great deal.

    I’ve done a lot of drawings, collages and paintings to help process the RA/MC memories that have been surfacing for me the past 6 years or so. I’d be happy to submit some of them for consideration to be included in the anthology. I also write poetry. I have questions I’d like to ask you about the writing I have done. Is it possible to send you a private message?

    Also, I don’t own a computer or scanner right now. I use the library computers. I’m sort of a “techno primitive”, so it might take awhile for me to figure out how to send you images of the artwork I’ve done.

    I’ve told two other survivor friends about the anthology. One has gotten back to me and is enthusiastic about submitting her writing and is telling RA friends of hers..

    I’m fairly new to telling others about my RA/MC memories. Big waves of fear come up sometimes and I need time to heal and grow stronger before I can take the next step.
    Thanks again for your blog and for being so “out” and honest and vulnerable about your experiences. I get so much out of reading your writing. I aspire to be as fearless and articulate as you some day.

    All the best,

    ps I first contacted you about a month ago via Facebook


    1. Dear sparrow:

      Thank you for the kind words!

      And thank you for telling your friends. That is just what I hoped people would do. And to think, one of them might share her writing. Fantastic!

      The anthology is planned to be specifically about breeders because so little is written about them. It’s very lonely not to know others have been through the same thing. But telling pple who were not breeders is fine – they may tell somebody who would be interested.

      If your artwork is about that experience, I would love to see some examples for the anthology. If not, perhaps we could work a blog entry around one of your pieces.

      The librarian probably would be able to help you. But the process is fairly simple. Just scan it, and the image will be on the computer . Then you attach it to an email. If they don;t have the equipment, places like Office Max sometimes do. I’d call first.


    1. Sin and guilt is are things we struggle with mightily. Bob helps lighten the burden for folk and lets them start leading happy and productive lives.

      Bob writes of many inspiring things at his “Occasional Newsletter” at https://bobrich18.wordpress.com/ This last issue also contains a search engine that plants trees instead of keeping the money raked through advertising. (There was something else really exciting, which I forget right now.) That amazing search engine is https://info.ecosia.org/


  5. Hello Jean
    A friend and colleague has sent me your piece on money woes because she knows that I want to write a book about the importance of one’s personal relationship with money and how to have a healthy money relationship. I want to write this book for a few different reasons. Primarily I have figured out that we are in a relationship with our money for our entire life. Cannot really say that about much else! And no one who tries to help people manage their money seems aware of what a profound personal relationship it is. Your piece really nailed that! Thank you for your deep self reflection.
    If I ever complete my book for publication I would be very grateful if I could please include your personal reflections on your ‘money woes’. Of course I will understand if you do not want this so do feel free to say ‘no’ to my request.
    I note that you started your website in 1993. I wish I had known that then as I had a significant experience around ritual abuse going on at that time. I think you must be a very brave and resourceful woman.
    Kind regards


    1. Dear Ruth:

      Of course you may use it. Let me know if you want me to expand on any part or otherwise change things. And please check the spelling!

      I think you are very right, both about the personal relationship aspect and also about how coaches and advisors think people have entirely rational attitudes.

      Would you like other people to write about their experiences with money? I would be glad to ask around.

      I don’t think I am brave, because I seldom do things I am afraid of. Risk aversive! But thank you for the compliment.



      1. Hi Jean

        Thank you very much indeed. Greatly appreciated. I would love to hear from others about their “money woes” as I think it is important that I understand as fully as possible.

        Kind regards,


        PS This is my second attempt at a reply…


  6. I enjoy your blog & sharing your thoughts with my readers. I wanted to take a moment to say I have nominated you for the “Once a Victim, Now a Survivor Award”. Please see my post at http://darque.me/2015/07/13/once-a-victim-now-a-survivor-award-1/ for further details. I would love it if you can participate! Please forgive me if I posted this twice on your site, I have the attention span of a goldfish sometimes (brain cancer kinda does that).


    1. Oh, wow. I don’t have a lot of words, just surprised and honored. I will keep nominate others and answer the questions, but I need time to think and do it justice.

      I wasn’t aware you have brain cancer. The thought of losing you makes me mad. You have so very much to offer and it just plain isn’t fair.


  7. Dear Jean, my email address has changed, do I just put in the new one and how do I cancel the old one?


    1. I know you are not getting mail from your old account, because I just tried to write you and it came back.. So enter in you new email address, just as if you were a different person.


  8. Hi Jean,

    The wisdom in your writings here and at ra-info are such a huge help for us (think you know that – hope so anyway).

    Was wondering if you could recommend any books/sites which are reliable so we can get some info on “system switches” (if that’s a thing) and on particular forms of programming since information is power. Hope so anyway.


  9. Thank you so much for your blog. It is very interesting to me because I relate to your experience in many ways. I started therapy for depression in 1991 which exploded into ritual abuse memories. I called myself Jeannie on a forum, several years ago, but I am still totally alone in my recovery. Nobody really knows except my husband and my therapist whom I still see from time to time. I have no physical evidence and I guess my alters don’t seem too different. I just behave badly or like a naive teen. Your blogs which I subscribe to are a lifeline for me. My biggest problem is denial. But almost everything you write I understand. It helps me view what are the results of a history of RA in me.


      1. Hi Jean,
        I’m an American survivor of CIA-sponsored trauma-based mind control experiments, ritual abuse and child sex trafficking. It’s nice to meet you here.
        Frida Halliday


  10. Thank you so much for doing this. I am a survivor as well and discuss RA on my blog. memoirofaredemptivelife.com please stop by and take a look. Rosie


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