There is a notice from Restoration in Christ Ministries about a webinar after the post.
Wednesday started early because a man from sonic.net came at 8 AM to figure out what was wrong with my internet connection. Of course, I had to be awake, dressed, and fully caffeinated, plus his workspace had to be tidied up. So by mid-afternoon, I was sleepy. Instead of pushing through, I took a nap. What a good decision!
I woke up from a dream of being in a large room with a fireplace and large comfortable couch-like platforms. There were groups of my friends there, curled up together next to each other like sleepy puppies. Most of them were fellow surviviors. We were a couple of decades younger than we are now, and none of us were in physical pain. We all could move freely, with no pain, no need to protect our backs, necks, knees, or whatever else hurts today in real life. And inside, we all were relaxed and content.
I was next to my friend Wolfie and asked him if I had told him something – I forget what. No, I hadn’t, and yes, he wanted to hear it. My friend Karen joined the group and said she did, too. It was all so peaceful and easy.
There were so many of my friends all around, some from the present, some from the past, all of them relaxed and content. Even a friend from high school!
I lay in bed, enjoying the dream but not clutching it. It was dusk, and the sun had already set. I could see the moon in the east through the window and the lights of planes leaving the airport and gaining altitude. Spotting a plane has been a rare event in the past two years, and I enjoyed watching them disappear at the top of the window.
I got up to blog about my dream before the memory faded. Already I was feeling incomplete. I wished Mike, the therapist who ushered me into ritual abuse survivorship, could have been in the dream. I want to be able to contact him, but I have lost touch. All I know is that he closed his practice to teach yoga full time. Part of me thinks it’s because one RA survivor was enough for him and that I chased him away. Another part knows full well that I was never the center of his world and that once he knew of the existence of RA – which happened in a study group before he met me – he would start recognizing survivors no matter where he was.
Mixed feelings are back, and they are welcome. My back hurts. I have miles and miles to go on my healing path, and the trip is bound to be hard. But inside, I feel centered and content. I hope that feeling will co-exist with all my other intense feelings for a long, long time.
Several days ago, I had a lovely thought that I had planned to share with you all today. The dream did not crowd it out, and here it is.
I remember when I was a kid we would take crayons and cover a piece of paper with swatches of bright colors and then cover everything with black. Then we would scape off part of the black layer to reveal the colors underneath.
That’s a beautiful metaphor for what is happening in our inner lives. We were meant to be beautiful, vital, loving, curious. And then the abusers tried to make our spirits evil like theirs and enslave our life force.
They failed. We bought their lies for a while but, whether we knew it or not, we were still ourselves at the core. Over the years, more and more of who we really are and who we had really been all along started to appear. First, a tiny bit of color, too small to be recognized as hope, shone through, Then a bit more and a bit more. When it reaches a critical mass, we can finally see our true selves, good, beautiful, curious, vital, and full of love and compassion.
There’s another metaphor for those of us who have been forced to become so disconnected from themselves that they hardly feel they exist at all.
I remember coloring books with blank pages. We dipped a brush in water, and as we dampened the page, colors appeared and formed a picture. The brush is our thirst to be and to see ourselves, and the water is love from others and self-love. The picture is our true self, as it was meant to be and always has been, hidden away from danger but also from ourselves.
I wish we all could believe, right now this very minute and forever afterwards, that we can dissolve the lies they told us about ourselves and see ourselves as we are at heart.
Restoration in Christ Ministries, www.rcm-usa.org, writes:
We are happy to announce that we are offering another live webinar on April 23, 2022, which will be open to all. It will be on “Ancestral Bondages” and will cover the following subject matter:
Generational inheritances for ritual abuse survivors
An ancestral barter/bargain
An ancestral dedication
An ancestral sale of a birthright
Ancestral special-purpose covenants
How to break ancestral covenants
The role of ancestral spirits
The covenant with death
How to address ancestral spirit issues
The webinar will begin at 12:00 noon Eastern Daylight Time and will run approximately two hours, depending on the number of questions asked. The charge will be $20. You can sign up for it at https://www.rcm-usa.org/Ancestral%20Bondage-Webinar_04-23-22.html
3/20 Spring Equinox
4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/10 Palm Sunday
4/14 Maundy Thursday (commemoration of the Last Supper)
4/15 Good Friday
4/16 Holy Saturday
4/16 Full Moon
4/17 Easter Sunday
4/26 Grand Climax/De Meur
4/30 Partial solar eclipse visible in west South America and Antarctica. https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/solar/2022-april-30
4/30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve
5/8 Mothers’ Day
5/15 Full Moon
5/15 – 5/16 Total lunar eclipse visible in south and west Europe, south and west Asia, Africa, much North America, South America, and Antarctica. https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/lunar/2022-may-16
5/21 (?) Armed Forces Day
5/26 (?) Ascension Day
5/30 Memorial Day
Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
3/17-18 Purim (Deliverance of the Jewish people from Haman in Persia)
4/15-4/23 Passover/Pesach (Celebration of the deliverance of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt.)
4/30 Anniversary of Hitler’s death
(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)
You can find more information on the following holidays at:
Candlemas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/
Valentine’s Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/
Spring Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/
Easter: personal (for background, see Spring Equinox) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/
Walpurgisnacht/May Eve – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/
Beltane – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/
Mothers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/
Fathers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/
Summer Solstice (corrected text) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/
Lammas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/
Fall Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/
Halloween (personal) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/
Halloween (background) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/
Thanksgiving – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/
Yule/Winter Solstice – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/