Feast of the Beast, Part II

Up-Coming Holidays

3/20 Spring Equinox: more info at  https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equino
3/24 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan 
4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/8 Day of the Master
4/10 Full moon

4/14 Good Friday

4/16 Easter Sunday

I’ve been looking over the more popular entries, wondering if I have anything more to add to them. With Kim Noble, I had a lot to add!

Another popular entry is the Feast of the Beast at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/?s=feast+of+the+beast. I have no personal experience of this and I have not had survivor friends who could tell me anything, so I have to rely on the Internet. It’s frustrating, as most of the urls that surface in a search are about restaurants with special menus and fund-raising events at zoos.

The most informative entry is by Fritz Springmeier at http://www.theforbiddenknowledge.com/hardtruth/feast_of_the_beast.htm He says that he got his information from several ex-Illuminati and that their descriptions agreed. He gives background on why the power number 28 is important, which I won’t summarize here, except to say that in numerology 28 and 7 are both considered to represent perfection and that Aleister Crowley stated that 28 is the number of the Beast.

It seems that the leaders of the Illuminati meet every 28 years for a whole year, during which Satan appears and tells them what he wants done in the next 28 years. The Illuminati leaders then plan out the actions to be taken and who will do them. The last Feast of the Beast was in 2010 and therefore the next will be in 2038.

It is said that the main gathering is in Europe and is usually held in a castle. There are gatherings on the States; Springmeier does not say whether there is communication between the US and European groups, and, if so, how this is accomplished.

Springmeier refers to the whole year as a ceremony but does not describe any of the rites performed. He does mention the September 5 to 7 Feast of the Beast and Marriage to Satan, which he describes as a small ceremony and a microcosm of the year-long ceremony. In his calendar at http://www.theforbiddenknowledge.com/hardtruth/satanic_calendar.htm he lists a Feast of the Beast on March 24 at which “A sixteen year old girl becomes the bride of satan in a marriage ceremony.” There is no calendar listing of a Feast of the Beast in September.

Other pages and Youtube videos that I found weren’t very helpful. I wish I could tell you more, but that is all I can find about The Feast of the Beast and Marriage to the Beast.

PS If you were led to believe that you were married to Satan as a child, you probably have child parts that still believe this is true. In “A Brilliant Idea” at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/?s=annulment a survivor shared her experience of the annulment of the “marriage” and the sense of relief and freedom this brought her. Here is the text of her annulment: if you wish, you can use it as inspiration to write your own. Then frame it and hang it in an important place in your home!

The original marriage between _______________________(the young female bride) and the one known as “the beast” is hereby determined to be officially and legally null and void.

The alleged wedding was both illegal and wrong in the eyes of the law and god and  goddess and all life. The alleged marriage was at all times based solely on lies and  deception,mind and body control, and abuse. It was never real.

 Any rules, programs, titles of claim, or judgments of any kind associated with this  wedding are ALL completely powerless and null and void as of this date.

Furthermore, said groom and all associates shall have no further contact with the said  bride at any time for any purpose whatsoever from this time forward forever.

The bride is hereby proclaimed completely free — physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

Date Signed and Sealed: ___________________

Alleged Bride’s Signature: _________________________________

Witness One

Other Witnesses

Self-Care is not a Dirty Word

Up-Coming Holidays
2/28 Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras
3/1 Ash Wednesday, beginning of Lent
3/20 Spring Equinox: more info at  https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/

I have been writing short little essays on RA and living with its after-effects since 2000 and each time I sit down to write one, unless I have planned it out well in advance, I clutch and think I have nothing more to say. However, I pretty much always find something to write about, even if I think it is trivial.

This week, it’s not that I’m convinced I have said every last thing there is to say about ritual abuse and healing, it’s that I am just plain exhausted from the first few days of February. I took off a very long weekend, getting out of the house only to go to the garden. And I did a lot of crosswords and on-line jigsaw puzzles and very few things on my to-do list. I have learned to call this self-care, not procrastination.

It’s amazing how life does not fall apart when I don’t do things I want to do or I think I ought to do. The cats get fed, I get fed and washed, I take my meds. I give the cats their meds. Everything else is extra. And that is okay – no need to get crazy about it.

This is a relatively new development. For a long time I have understood that keeping doctor and dentist appointments, eating right, getting enough sleep, and exercising counted as self-care. Doing the dishes, too – although that feels more like dishes-care. After all, I could use paper plates or eat right out of the pot, couldn’t I?

My mother made sure I wore pretty dresses (her taste, not mine), had styled hair, clean fingernails, and good manners. I did not learn self-care from her efforts because these things made me feel like a piece of furniture that was so ugly it needed layers and layers of slipcovers. I still know those things and can do them if necessary but I am much happier ignoring them. School didn’t teach anything that looked like self-care, either.

Starting out on my healing journey, like with so many other things, I had no role models to figure out what self-care for an RA survivor looks like. But these days I do. Many, if not all, of the survivor blogs talk about self-care. I can read about what others do and find out if it works for them or not and I can try it for myself. Obviously, not everything works for everybody, so there is no need to feel a failure if something that comes highly recommended does nothing for me.

If you would like to check out some blogs, go to http://ra-info.org/for-and-by-survivors/blogs/

Oh, there is something extremely important about the concept of self-care. If you are exhausted and need to rest, call it what it is, rest. Not procrastination or vegging out or being lazy or being depressed. That is not being kind to yourself! It’s an old tape from long long ago and there is no need to keep it going. Go and get a brand new shining tape and see what it does for you.

(And then tell us all about it.)

Why Am I So Angry? Part 735

An essay on the spring equinox is at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/

I know that dealing with ritual abuse — or anything, for that matter — is a spiral process. You work on something, it’s miserable, and then there is some sort of closure and you reach a level place where life is not so bad. After a long or short while, more surfaces and you plunge back into the misery at a deeper level.

When it has been a long time since I revisited certain parts of my childhood, it takes me by surprise. I know about this spiral process, I have lived through it many times before, and I don’t expect the calm to last forever. Still, I am always taken unawares.

And it makes me mad. It’s like housework: as soon as you have gotten everything clean and tidy it starts to become dirty and messy and it is time to clean all over again. (I remember Peggy Seeger, Pete Seeger’s sister, singing the folk song  “The Housewife’s Lament.” It really speaks to my condition. You can listen to it and read the lyrics at http://www.songlyrics.com/seeger-peggy/housewifes-lament-lyrics/)

Ritual abuse makes me much, much madder than housework. That’s because what went on in the cult is far filthier than any kitchen or bathroom could ever be. The memories are disgusting, revolting. There just aren’t words for how awful they are. Not only do I have to remember it, but I had to live through it. Nobody should have to live through it, never, never, not ever. Let alone a little kid.

So here I am again, up to my armpits in filth. I know it won’t last forever, but it sure feels eternal. I have faith that when I reach equilibrium I will be in a better place than before I sank into the muck because that’s the way it was the other times. But meanwhile I have to endure it for as long as it takes.

And that is why I am so angry.