Tonight’s Partial Lunar Eclipse Is Special

When I listed the partial eclipse on Thursday, November 18 to Friday, November 19, I had no idea it was special. I’m giving you more information because it will be beautiful and also because cults love special things and we all know what that means.

It’s the longest partial lunar eclipse in 580 years. The partial phase (the part you can see without special equipment) will be 3 hours and 28 minutes and the whole eclipse will be six hours and 1 minute. At maximum, the moon will probably glow red.

It’s visible over all of North and Central America. South America will see most of the eclipse before the moon sets. Europe and Western Africa will see some of the beginning of the eclipse. Central Asia and Australia will see some of the eclipse around moonrise. NASA has a nice map.

For more information, see

Here’s the time table for North America.

Penumbral eclipse begins
1:02 a.m. Eastern Time
12:02 am Central Time
11:02 pm Mountain Time
10:02 pm Pacific Time

Partial eclipse begins
2:18 a.m.Eastern Time
1:18 am Central Time
12:18 am Mountain Time
11:18 pm Pacific Time

Maximum eclipse
4:02 am Eastern Time
3:02 am Central Time
2:02 am Mountain Time
1:02 am Pacific Time

Partial eclipse ends
5:47 am Eastern Time
4:47 am Central Time
3:47am Mountain Time
2:47 am Pacific Time

Penumbral eclipse ends
7:03 am Eastern Time
6:03 am Central Tim
5:03am Mountain Time
4:03 am Pacific Time

News About My Depression

*This is really positive news! Makes my heart smile. I hope some of you would like to participate, either as presenters or as part of the audience.

The Plural Positivity World Conference:
sponsored by Power to the Plurals
Five days of Inclusive, Online, Free, Recorded Sessions
July 13 – 19, 2020

Call for Presentations
Due dates: May 15, panel presenters’ recorded answers to questions
May 31, recorded sessions

* You can find more information on the following holidays at:

Walpurgisnacht/May Eve:
Mothers’ Day:
Summer Solstice (corrected text):
August Ritual Dates:
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1:
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2:
Fall Equinox:
Halloween (personal):
Halloween (background):
Yule/Winter Solstice:
Valentine’s Day:
Spring Equinox:
Easter: (personal): (for background, see Spring Equinox)


I’m disappointed because it looks like I cannot use medication to treat break-through depression this time. All the SSRI’s interact with an anticoagulant I must take, making the drug much more effective. It would be very dangerous for me to start bleeding internally.

The only antidepressants I could safely take are tricyclics. Years ago, when I turned to them, they hit me like a rhinoceros tranquilizer. I slept fourteen hours a night and, when I finally heard the alarm, I fell asleep sitting up. I also gained a pound a day for thirty days each time!!! I watched what I ate, and it never was more than 200-500 calories more than usual and often less than usual. How could that be possible? Nobody has ever been able to explain it to me. It took me years to drop that weight. I’m not going there again.

So it’s back to relying on self-talk, behavioral management, and upping the frequency of therapy to once a week from every two weeks. It’s a struggle.

I hate how self-absorbed depression makes me. It’s “me me me” all the time.

I am still able to remember what it was like to look outward for much of the day. Without trying, I would notice the temperature, what the clouds looked like, what people on the street were wearing. When I talked to people, I concentrated on what they were saying without trying. I wasn’t checking my feelings every moment. I was in and of the world.

I wish it wasn’t so hard to turn my attention away from emotional pain. I wish I knew how to get engrossed in something other than myself on purpose. The best I can do is make a list of things I lost myself in when I wasn’t depressed and see what happens when I do those things now.

Another thing I dislike about this depression is that I am irritable. Beyond crabby! I was filling my meds box for the week and got mad at the pills because it was hard to cram them into the little boxes. Then I got mad at myself for being so impatient and getting angry at those innocent little pills that didn’t even have a brain. No wonder they couldn’t cooperate! I ended up being angry at myself for not being understanding and compassionate, first toward the pills, then towards myself.

I noticed that I am not in as much emotional pain as I was with most of my previous deep depressions. Perhaps part of the pain comes from holding anger in? Perhaps anger is an efficient distraction? Perhaps a bit of both?

Anger is one reason that I have trouble being around people when I am this depressed. I don’t want to direct my anger at them, say something hurtful, or just be unpleasant to be around. And if a brainless little pill can make me mad, think how irritating a real person with a huge brain might be!

Connecting with people I care about is push/pull. I want to see them and talk to them and feel close. At the same time, I want to stay far away and have nothing to do with anybody. Can’t do both at once, can I?

This, by the way, is a regression to childhood. I was a sad little girl yearning for love and seething with anger at the people who were hurting me instead of loving me. Those moments when I was totally alone, without a person in sight, were precious beyond words. Today, I feel relieved and safe when alone, just like I did in childhood.

One of the ways I said I would handle this depression is by continuing to do the things I would do if I weren’t depressed. Part of the plan is to stay in contact with people, even if it is uncomfortable. They have seen me through other bouts of depression, and they won’t ditch me this time, either. I’ll spend more time apologizing, but that’s okay.

Keeping my body, clothes, and house clean are other things I did without not much effort before. So now I am doing them and cutting myself some slack if I do them more slowly, less often, or imperfectly. Taking care of the cat is easy because he is so insistent when he wants something, but the plants sit there silently, wilting if I don’t water them. I like them, I just don’t like to water them. I water them anyway and give myself a gold star.

I don’t get out in the garden as often as I mean to. And although it would be helpful, I have not managed to exercise or meditate. That’s okay, though. Each day I can try again. And maybe one day the Feelings Fairy will swoop down from the treetops and say. “Oh, Jean, you don’t need this depression anymore. Let me take it away and leave acceptance and satisfaction in its stead.” I will watch her fly off into the horizon. She flies slowly because the depression is so heavy, but that tiny wee thing is strong enough to take it far, far away.

Can’t wait!


Upcoming Holidays

5/10 Mothers’ Day
5/12 Armed Forces Day
5/25 Memorial Day
5/31 Pentecost
6/5 Full moon
6/5-6 Penumbral lunar eclipse. The moon will turn a shade darker during the maximum phase, visible in Asia, Australia, Europe, and Africa. Most penumbral lunar eclipses cannot be easily distinguished from a usual full moon. See
6/19 Summer solstice
6/21 Fathers’ Day
6/21 Annular solar eclipse. Visible from parts of Africa (including the Central African Republic, Congo, and Ethiopia), south of Pakistan, northern India, and China. Partial eclipse is visible in south/east Europe, much of Asia, the north of Australia, and much of Africa, Pacific, Indian Ocean. See
6/23 Midsummer’s Eve
6/24 St. John’s Day
7/4 Independence Day
7/4 Full moon
7/4-5 Penumbral lunar eclipse. The moon will turn a shade darker during the maximum phase, visible in North and South America, and Africa. Most penumbral lunar eclipses cannot be easily distinguished from a usual full moon. See
7/25 St. James’ Day/Festival of the Horned God

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
6/6 D-Day: invasion of France in WW2
7/30 Tisha B’Av (Day of Mourning)
7/29 Hitler proclaimed leader of the Nazi party

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes.)

Ritual Abuse Things on My Mind This Week

* Detailed instructions for making comments are in “News Items.”

* Additional information on the following holidays is available at:
 August Ritual Dates
 Fall Equinox
Halloween: (personal):


An Infinite Mind’s “Healing Together” Conference on February 7 – 9, 2020

I attended last year and had a really good time. This year I got brave and submitted a proposal for a presentation I call “Ritual Abuse 101: Recognizing and Treating Survivors.” It’s for therapists, but all are welcome. Last year there was little opportunity for RA/MC people to connect, and I hope they will attend and network. I’ll also be leading a lunch-time support/networking group.

It’s been a long time since I have spoken at a conference, and my fears have had time to regroup. I know I may well be having flashbacks while talking, which is never fun. If that happens, I know I have handled it in the past and can manage again. It will just make things more exciting!

If any of you happen to be at the conference, come introduce yourself. It will make my day.

Some information is available now at The conference schedule will be posted in October.


Ritual Abuse Correlated with Ovarian Cancer

I got livid with rage when I saw a story about an article in the Harvard Gazette. It was titled “PTSD linked to increased risk of ovarian cancer: Trauma associated with the most aggressive types of ovarian cancers, even decades later.”

The abuse we went through as kids guaranteed that we were flooded with a steady stream of stress hormones. I have known for years that the extreme stress of ritual abuse sets us up to be at risk for a myriad of diseases as adults, but I thought that most of these diseases were autoimmune or cardiovascular diseases. Now it seems that cancer is on the list, too! Is there anything at all that is not an aftereffect of ritual abuse and just happens by chance? I was enraged!

I calmed down when I tracked down the original article, published in this month’s Cancer Research. “Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is associated with increased risk of ovarian cancer: a prospective and retrospective longitudinal cohort study.” by Andrea L. Roberts, Tianyi Huang, Karestan C. Koenen, Yongjoo Kim, Laura D. Kubzansky and Shelley S. Tworoger.

Only the abstract was available to me, but it was enough to give me some perspective. The methodology looked good. Data was obtained from the Nurses’ Health Study, which followed 4,710 nurses for 26 years. However, only 110 ovarian cancers were reported, and analysis showed that subjects with PTSD symptoms were only twice as likely to have ovarian cancer. I don’t think that is a large enough number of excess cancers to worry about. I’ll save my energy for worrying about excess eating disorders and other addictions, excess suicides, all those good things.

You can read the article that set me off at   and the abstract at



I just discovered ZLibrary. It offers 4,836,367 free ebooks and 75,268184 articles. (That’s of today – it’s probably more by now.) Search for “ritual abuse” in books; the first page contains some excellent titles, and a few more interesting ones are scattered through the following pages. Haven’t yet explored the article section, but there must be many articles on ritual abuse.

And there must be books on growing indestructible, six-foot-tall flowering houseplants, fairy tales of ancient Norway, crafts, including how to make a curtain from old CD’s and fishing wire, art of Pre-Columbian civilizations, and all sorts of other interesting things. In college, I allowed myself to rummage through random parts of the main library every Thursday afternoon. I better be careful with ZLibrary’s almost five million books, or it won’t just be Thursday afternoon!


Conference: European Society for Trauma and Dissociation

I wish I could drop everything and take a quick trip to Rome. Rome, of course, is beautiful, the food is great, the people wonderful. But the main draw is the ESTD Biennial Conference: “The Legacy of Trauma and Dissociation: Body and Mind in a New Perspective” on October 24 – 26, 2019. Every time I have heard a European presenter at the ISSTD conference, I have come away with fresh new insights. Just reading the titles makes me want to learn more. Check it out at



Upcoming Holidays

9/13 Full moon
9/13 Friday the 13th
9/23 Fall equinox
10/13 Full moon
10/13 Backward Halloween
10/14 (?) Columbus Day
10/31 Halloween/start of Celtic New Year/start of the dark half of the year
11/1 All Saints’ Day
11/2 All Souls’ Day
11/11 (?) Veterans’ Day
11/12 Full moon
11/28 US Thanksgiving

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
9/29 – 10/1 Rosh Hashanah (New Year, Day of Judgement)
10/8 – 10/9 Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement)
10/16 Death of Rosenburg
10/13 – 10/20 Sukkot (Feast of Tabernacles, harvest festival)
10/19 Death of Goering
10/20 Hitler’s actual half-birthday
10/21 Hitler’s alternative half-birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual birthday and half-birthday on 4/20 and 10/20. His alternate birthday is celebrated on Easter of the current year and his alternate half-birthday six months later.)
10/21 – 10/22 Simchat Torah (celebration of the annual complete cycle of reading of the Torah)
11/9 Kristallnacht State-ordered pogroms against Jews in Germany and Austria)
(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes)