About Breeders in Satanic Cults: Part 2

There has been a lot of interest in this topic among our readers, so much so that I would like to collect personal accounts for an anthology.

I can do the editing and set up, but I need your help to let people know that a book is in the works. It would mean posting a notice on your blog, if you have one, and letting all your RA/MC contacts, therapists as well as survivors, know about the project. Ask them to spread the word. And, if this is in their background, ask them to consider writing something – an account of what happened and how it affected them, a rant, a poem, whatever moves them.

There are 300-plus people following my blog at this point, and if, say, half of them helped  out this way, I am sure it would come together quite quickly. And I would feel SOOOO supported!!

Tell the people you contact to get in touch with me at rahome@ra-info.org or use the comment section of this blog. And if you don’t get an answer, write a comment telling me that your email didn’t go through.

 

Here is another account of a survivor’s experience as a breeder. I thank Tracy with all my heart for her courage and generosity in sharing her horrific experiences.

 

Almost everything I write about on here is from a distance. I’m able to close off the emotions …. which I don’t think is a good thing. Let’s see how this memory goes.

I know I was brought into the cult for breeding purposes. They didn’t treat me any different. I still went thru all the horrors except when I was pregnant.

I got pregnant during mass rapes. They had me back up against the tree and one man after the other would rape me. Those bastards always wore their hoods on those days so I never saw their faces or eyes. Damned if I didn’t try to make them look me in the eye, but they were cowards. Satan would be amongst the group, usually the last man to rape me. With Satan being last, they figured his seed would be the one that impregnated me

Once a pregnancy was confirmed, I was given a Matron who would follow me everywhere. She would come to my home and make me drink “bull semen” to strengthen the hopefully male child.

I can visualize her in the grocery store, near my school, every where I went. She wore a long navy blue or dark skirt that went to her ankles. Underneath was a white scalloped edge slip, which was visible all the time. One time in the hospital, there was a book sale. I picked one up and there was a drawing of the exact dress my Matron wore. It flipped me out! Confirmation found haphazardly. I wasn’t making it up!

Once pregnant was a safe time for me. I was treated tenderly….. they wanted this child.  I hid my growing belly with loose tops and baggy dresses. They also taught me how to hunch over when I walked, so my belly wasn’t prominent.

We took trips, taking me out of school, once to Bermuda. I don’t have many recollections of what happened on those trips. I guess that will come in time.

On sacrificial days, when I was 7-8 months pregnant, the process was as follows.  I was put on a table, out in the clearing, and strapped down. My arms were spread out and strapped for the IVs.  Our family doctor was there and lots of Matrons stood around me. The rest of the cult were to my left, high with anticipation. They must have drugged me cos I don’t have body memories. At least not before the child was born.

One of my alters just said “forceps,” so I guess they used implements in getting the baby out.

My first child was female. I can hear her crying and they showed her to me, scolding me in angry tones. I never got to hold her.

My happy pregnant days were over. My girl baby was held by her foot, upside down. There was a gold chalice held under the baby as she dangled there, and they slit her throat. They caught all of her blood, which was later ingested. She was taken to Satan and he was raving mad. I was screamed at, useless piece of shit. Can’t recall everything that was said but the whole group joined in with condemnation.

I was made to drink her blood first, then the rest of the cult got some.

My second pregnancy and birth were the same. I gave birth to a female, which was really bad. I was chastised for being a stupid cunt that couldn’t give them the bastard child …. This baby was held by her feet and swung around, killing her by shaking her poor body this way and that. This baby girl was shoved in my face and I was forced to take a bite of her. She was cannibalized by myself and other members of the cult. It was disgusting. I feel nauseous now remembering. The members who got a bite were high, like the baby was hallucinagenic. I lay on the bed watching with no way of stopping this from happening. Their blood smeared smirks either yelled or praised me, confusing my mind if I was good or bad. When there was no more to the baby except bones, she was thrown into a large cauldron with other organs or bones of deceased children and animals. It was to make a potent drink to strengthen the breeders and the group. They cooked my baby.

There were probably other sacrificed babies, but I don’t know for sure.

The last pregnancy went beautifully, being treated special and not having to go thru most of the rituals. My alters are saying “forceps, bloody mess and knives.” They are saying “afterbirth.” which I guess made a mess when they took it out.

This child was the bastard child, a male, and it was what I was born to make. I was the best girl cos I accomplished it. Never getting to see my boy, they took him right away and went out the right path while the cult went crazy with dance, shouts and chanting.

Those were the three babies I remember. I have a feeling it happened more. I think I was nine for the first baby. Then it would start all over once my body was ready for another pregnancy. I believe hormones were given to me to develop early.

I went for a gyno check up years later and asked if they had a way of telling me how many children I had had. I thought maybe there would be a scar in the uterus where the baby lived for awhile. Doc told me no, there was no way. In my 50’s, after having an ablation done, he made a remark how badly my uterus was scarred.

I don’t know when these types of truths will come out, about how many babies I provided them. And I’ll never know if my son is walking the earth.

I’m depleted after writing this down. I’m also feeling very spacy. My hopes are that someone will get some clarity and know she is not crazy. There are a lot of breeders out there, it’s just a very difficult thing to believe …. and tell.

Blessing of Light and Love

Tracy

 

Upcoming Holidays

March  
3/20 Spring Equinox
3/24 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan
3/25 Palm Sunday
3/30 Good Friday/Death of Jesus Christ
3/31 Full Moon (Blue Moon)
April
4/1 Easter Sunday
4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/10 Full Moon
4/16 – 4/23 Grand Climax/Da Meur/ (Preparation for sacrifice in some Satanic sects}
4/30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve
May
  
5/1 Beltane/May Day/ Labour Day in Europe
5/13 Mothers’ Day
5/28 Memorial Day
5/29 Full moon

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups
1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany
4/20 Hitler’s birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual birthday, 4/20, and Easter of the current year. His alternate birthday is 4/1 this year.)
4/30 Anniversary of Hitler’s death
(Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lamas, Halloween, solstices, equinoxes, and full moons.)

Advertisements

About Breeders in Satanic Cults

I’ve been asked to write about the use of girls and women as “breeders” in Satanic cults and what happens to their babies. Since I have no personal experience with this,  I reached out to a fellow survivor who shared her story for publication in the blog.

Some breeders are used to continue the bloodline of important cult members. Some of these babies are raised by their grandparents while others are given to other cult families to raise, perhaps as a reward for service well done. Babies from important bloodlines are not considered expendable and will never be sacrificed or killed by mistake in the process of programming. They are, after all, royalty.

Other breeders produce children who are expendable. Their fetuses or full-term babies are used in sacrifices.  (Occasionally a pregnant woman will be sacrificed.) Older children are killed as a lesson in programming others. “This is what will happen to you if you tell.” “Never care about somebody because you will be made to kill them.” “See how evil you are? You are truly one of us.”

Part of the programming can be to allow the mother to bond to the baby, believing that the child will live and she will be allowed to raise it. Either the baby is taken from the mother, and she never learns what happened to it, or she is made to witness or cause the child’s death.

I have heard of a few happy endings, not many. A couple of woman have been reunited with their daughters after decades. And one brave woman I knew, at the age of seventeen, escaped the cult, gave birth, and managed to protect and raise her child. That, to me, is a true miracle.

 

Here is what my friend wrote me:

I would like to  share a little of my personal experience, if I may.

Looking back, I can say I was a breeder. I did not know the term breeder at the time though I did know by the second baby that there was something different about me. My first baby, at the age of 13, was induced to be born on Christmas Eve. The birth took place in a barn where rituals were held during bad weather. Usually they were held in a secluded wooded area.

I was given a nasty tasting liquid and almost immediately experienced stomach cramps which seemed to go on forever. There were many people from the cult surrounding me, chanting. I remember feeling so scared but not really knowing what was happening…no one explained what was going on, just that something special was going to happen. (I was a naive 13…I went to Catholic schools k-12 and sex and the reproductive system were not discussed as far as I recall. When I started to menstruate I had no idea what was happening. My mother gave me a booklet to read which was very vague).

I was very groggy from being heavily drugged. When the baby came they had me hold it and told me that was my baby girl. At that moment the pieces started to fit together and I realized I had just had a baby. I was heavily drugged again – everything was blurry and trance-like. I was told to get up. I was hurting so bad but made it up (I was on like a bed of hay or straw). They led me to an altar where the baby was laying naked. I started to cry because I knew what came next, I had seen it before. I must have fainted and they drugged me again. Everything was still blurry. They put a large knife in my hand and told me it was time. I went up to the altar where my baby girl was laying naked and crying. They said ”You must give to Satan what is his, NOW!” and I stabbed the baby again and again until it stopped crying. Since it was Christmas Eve I believe this was a ritual to symbolize the killing of the baby Jesus.

This is the first time I have ever put this down on paper. I am getting very sad and tired. The guilt is so strong. I know it was not my fault…I was programmed to do it but it will never be something I can ever forget.

I had became pregnant through incest and planned rape from other cult members. Many of the rapes were taped and used for child pornography purposes. This happened two more times when I had girls and was made to sacrifice them. I was 14 and 15. When I was 17 I had a baby boy. He was whisked away and I never saw him again.

I never got pregnant again …ever.

I moved to another state when I was 19. The cult thought I was so well programmed that I would return by age 31 or sooner. I ended up in a hospital’s Dissociative Unit 2 months before I was to go back for Thanksgiving…I was 30. I spent 6 months in that hospital.

I’ve been in therapy for the last 30 years. I am 59 years old and still in therapy.

It is such an unthinkable practice and so many people think it is all fabricated. Why would we make up such horrendous stories? I would give anything for this to have never happened…to have a different life with children I could love and cherish. It is such a burden to have these memories. It is such a struggle to want to live…what is the point? I hang on to the words of my therapist that by speaking out I am helping to end these horrors. I don’t know how but I must just believe it is so.

 

Upcoming Holidays

March  
3/1 Full Moon
3/20 Spring Equinox
3/24 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan
3/25 Palm Sunday
3/30 Good Friday/Death of Jesus Christ
3/31 Full Moon (Blue Moon)
April
4/1 Easter Sunday
4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/10 Full Moon
4/16 – 4/23 Grand Climax/Da Meur/ (Preparation for sacrifice in some Satanic sects}
4/30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve
May
  
5/1 Beltane/May Day/ Labour Day in Europe
5/13 Mothers’ Day
5/28 Memorial Day
5/29 Full moon

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups
1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany
4/20 Hitler’s birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual birthday, 4/20, and Easter of the current year. His alternate birthday is 4/1 this year.)
4/30 Anniversary of Hitler’s death
(Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lamas, Halloween, solstices, equinoxes, and full moons.)

When Major Life Events Coincide with Satanic Holidays

Upcoming Holidays
December
12/3 Full Moon
12/21 St. Thomas’ Day/Fire Festival
12/21 Yule/Winter Solstice
12/24 Christmas Eve/Satanic and demon revels/Da Meur/Grand High Climax
12/15 Christmas Day
12/31 New Year’s Eve
January
1/1 New Year’s Day

1/1 Full moon
1/13 Satanic New Year

1/17 Feast of Fools/Old Twelfth Night/Satanic and demon revels
1/31 Full moon (Blue moon. A blue moon is the second full moon in any given month.)
February
2/2 Candlemas/Imbolc
2/14 Valentine’s Day
2/13 Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras
2/14 Ash Wednesday (beginning of Lent)

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups
1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany

 

When Major Life Events Coincide with Satanic Holidays

I just hate when that happens. Before I knew what had gone on in my childhood, those days were filled with anxiety. I figured it was normal apprehension, but now I realized past fear was amplifying the feelings of dread without my knowing it. So I attributed all the anxiety to the present.

Of course this continued until I remembered the ritual abuse. Only then could I separate past and present. I started to think of the present as a big trigger and handle my emotions accordingly.

There are two main times in the year when important events in my life occur on or near Satanic holidays.

One is Thanksgiving, which my cult celebrated. I was married the Saturday after Thanksgiving; we chose that day because it was a long weekend and it therefore was easier for out-of-state family members to attend. To make things more triggery, we were married in a civil ceremony in my parents’ home. I have no idea why other places were not considered.

My husband was not cult, and it was not an arranged marriage. There was no Satanic observation of the marriage that weekend, and we never visited my parents on subsequent Thanksgivings. My husband and I did not make a big deal of wedding anniversaries but I still felt very anxious and upset on Thanksgiving.

Now that I am alone, I try to avoid spending Thanksgiving with others and buy take-out Asian or Ethiopian food for a solitary dinner. Some years I do a major project, something that will last a long time and remind me that the present is very different from the past. One year, for example, I painted the inside of the garage.

This year two friends joined me in visiting a third friend. We talked about some serious things, laughed a whole lot, and did some outrageous things. I went swimming in the hotel pool in my underwear and felt wicked, in a good way. The combination looked like a really nice tankini: a black lace camisole and black panties.

The other horribly difficult time for me is around Beltane. Just look at this cluster of events!

April 27     my husband’s death
April 29    my younger daughter’s birthday
April 29    my husband’s funeral
April 30    my older daughter’s birthday
May 1        Beltane

It is quite possible that I had been programmed to have children on or near Beltane, even though I had not attended any rituals in over five years and only saw my parents briefly and surrounded by safe people.

It’s not uncommon for cult families to try and arrange for the birth of their children on a date that has significance for them. I knew one family with two children, one born on Beltane, the other on Halloween. Linda Walker researched Mormon genealogy and presented her results at conferences, but did not, to my knowledge, publish her findings. She found that, in some family trees, births, marriages, and deaths clustered around Satanic holidays, including the lesser known ones, like Candlemas and Lamas.

My husband’s death had nothing to do with his children’s birthday or Beltane; it was a simple coincidence. He died of sudden heart failure and there was no way of predicting or controlling it. The timing made me angry, not so much for myself as for my children, whose birthdays would always be intertwined with intense sadness.

And so major events often cluster around a Satanic holiday. This can be from programming or from sheer coincidence. (Not everything in the world is controlled by cults!) It’s a double whammy. Past and present grief, fear, anger, and sometimes even joy get all mixed up, adding to the burden the cult has left us with for the rest of our lives.