“Plural Positivity World Conference”

Jade Miller on Helping Inner Kids Tolerate Wearing Masks, Plus an Update on My Depression,

May 20, 2020May 20, 2020 by Jean, posted in child alters, healing from ritual abuse, talking to child parts

* This is really positive news! Makes my heart smile. I hope some of you would like to participate, either as presenters or as part of the audience.

The Plural Positivity World Conference:
sponsored by Power to the Plurals https://powertotheplurals.com/
Five days of Inclusive, Online, Free, Recorded Sessions
July 13 – 19, 2020

Call for Presentations
Due dates: May 15, panel presenters’ recorded answers to questions
May 31, recorded sessions
Information: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hcMkNWcTNbpajqbzVr79QmSBgDZRGKafyCFumjrp2bs/edit?fbclid=IwAR0EXoOd4o3gif-GiSQEA2EWWhd66CeZ6bhcVY7-9FbpkMF85BXTdN42mgA#

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An amazing thing happened to me. The Feelings Fairy did indeed swoop down from the treetops and said. “Oh, Jean, you don’t need this depression anymore. Let me take it away and leave acceptance and satisfaction in its stead.” I watched her slowly fly off into the horizon, She flew slowly because the depression was heavy, but that tiny wee thing sure was strong enough to take it far away.

This is the first time in my life, as far as I know, that a depression lifted after only a few weeks. I am very happy. The only symptom I miss is being able to sleep a full night without a bout of insomnia at two in the morning or upsetting dreams. Interestingly, those problems are back! However, I am not flat emotionally, I have more energy ((altho not as much as I would like), I am once again interested in the outside world, and the suicidal thoughts are gone.

My therapist and I are entertaining the hypothesis that it was a situational depression thanks to being housebound, not a real, nasty, dark, black, clinical depression. Isn’t that weird?

I am very sad, though, at the thought that I may not see people I love ever again in person. I believe that this nasty bug is going to be around for a looong time, and it will not be safe for me to consider flying unless they develop a really, really effective vaccine. And no more snorkeling, either. <sniff>

Thank goodness for <ehugs> and Zoom and email.

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I want to share with you a piece that my friend Jade Miller wrote about helping younger parts adapt to wearing a mask. As an introduction to the article, I’ll share a bit about my style of communicating with both outer and inner kids.

I am very anxious around babies and young children. I am always terrified that I won’t be able to understand what they are trying to communicate. Now granted, most people find trying to communicate with kids frustrating at times but my level of anxiety is ridiculous. I am quite sure that it’s because, when I was young, I tried to communicate and failed. Or rather, I did fine, given my age, but the adults failed to understand.

Here’s a sad little example. My mother wrote, I think in my baby book, that when I was two going on three, I walked down a path saying, “no” at each step. She found it very cute. It never occurred to her to wonder, “no to what?”

And here is a happier little story. When I brought my firstborn home, I thought, “I don’t have a baby to raise. I have a new roommate.” I considered kids fully formed people and always treated them with respect. This approach soon translated into teaching them rather than ordering them around and correcting or punishing them.

So if you (an adult part) is trying to communicate something to a younger part, you will get further by teaching and explaining rather than by throwing your weight around. You will have the authority that comes from wisdom and experience rather than the authority that comes with size, strength, and power. And your kids, inner or outer, will respect you rather than fear you.

On to Jade’s writing about wearing masks and helping inner kids avoid freaking out.

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If Wearing a Mask is Difficult…

I’ve been thinking a lot about those who – for reasons related to trauma – find wearing a mask very difficult. Of course, the safest/easiest thing to do is stay home, but that’s not always an option. Some people have to work. Some people have to do their own shopping. Etc.

So I’ve come up with some suggestions in hopes that one or some of them may help. These are unprecedented times, and these may end up being useless. But it’s worth a shot.

• Try cute, calming, or meaningful patterns – if you have littles, they might find mild comfort in wearing some of my own designs (if you have a request for a pattern I don’t currently have, send me a message and I’ll make one!)

• Try 1-2 drops of essential oil under your nose before you put it on; I’ve had some success in re-training my brain to stay grounded by using essential oils. My own personal favorite is marjoram, but you could try anything that you find pleasant. (Peppermint oil is strong and kind of in-your-face but not usually in a bad way.) Note: some of the oils should not be applied directly to your skin; you may need a drop or two of an oil mixed with it.

• Perhaps gum, candy, or a sucker — another idea with the littles in mind. Especially if these things might be considered fun, or a treat… maybe try having something yummy in your mouth while you have to wear the mask? Gummy bears, Sour Patch Kids, a gobstopper or something that will (hopefully) last a little while. See if you can make it through whatever the task is without biting down. Make it a game.

My thought process is that maybe it will help the littles realize that something good is happening (they get candy!) and that their mouth and nose are NOT – in fact – blocked…at least not in the way they’re worried about. They are in “now time,” where even though it might not seem like it, you are trying to protect them and keep them safe by complying with the current health guidelines.

These are the only things I’ve thought of so far. Maybe you could try doing any of them that appeal to you, but only wearing the mask around the house for 5-10 minutes at a time, while doing something extremely relaxing or fun. “Practice” doing it for short periods of time and then take it off. It’s my hope that any positive association that you can build in your mind with wearing the mask and then taking it off ASAP can help create a tolerance that will hopefully be able to last the length of a trip to the store or for an essential errand, etc.

Try to make it a “mission” for the littles, or turn it into a fun challenge. This isn’t mask-specific but I’ve flat-out used bribery in the past when I’ve been facing something difficult and needed to help motivate my system to do something really hard. Plan to take home ice cream later, or order a movie you’ve been wanting to see for a while, after the errand that requires a mask. Be creative.

We are smart, folks. We didn’t survive all the shit we’ve been through just to be defeated by this stupid COVID19 thing. We can do this. I believe in us!

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Upcoming Holidays

May
5/25 Memorial Day
5/31 Pentecost
June
6/5 Full moon
6/5-6 Penumbral lunar eclipse. The moon will turn a shade darker during the maximum phase, visible in Asia, Australia, Europe, and Africa. Most penumbral lunar eclipses cannot be easily distinguished from a usual full moon. See https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/map/2020-june-5
6/19 Summer solstice
6/21 Fathers’ Day
6/21 Annular solar eclipse. Visible from parts of Africa (including the Central African Republic, Congo, and Ethiopia), south of Pakistan, northern India, and China. Partial eclipse is visible in south/east Europe, much of Asia, the north of Australia, and much of Africa, Pacific, Indian Ocean. See https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/map/2020-june-21
6/23 Midsummer’s Eve
6/24 St. John’s Day
July
7/4 Independence Day
7/4 Full moon
7/4-5 Penumbral lunar eclipse. The moon will turn a shade darker during the maximum phase, visible in North and South America, and Africa. Most penumbral lunar eclipses cannot be easily distinguished from a usual full moon. See https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/map/2020-july-5
7/25 St. James’ Day/Festival of the Horned God

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
6/6 D-Day: invasion of France in WW2
7/30 Tisha B’Av (Day of Mourning)
7/29 Hitler proclaimed leader of the Nazi party

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes.)

News About My Depression

May 10, 2020 by Jean, posted in healing from ritual abuse

*This is really positive news! Makes my heart smile. I hope some of you would like to participate, either as presenters or as part of the audience.

The Plural Positivity World Conference:
sponsored by Power to the Plurals https://powertotheplurals.com/
Five days of Inclusive, Online, Free, Recorded Sessions
July 13 – 19, 2020

* You can find more information on the following holidays at:

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I’m disappointed because it looks like I cannot use medication to treat break-through depression this time. All the SSRI’s interact with an anticoagulant I must take, making the drug much more effective. It would be very dangerous for me to start bleeding internally.

The only antidepressants I could safely take are tricyclics. Years ago, when I turned to them, they hit me like a rhinoceros tranquilizer. I slept fourteen hours a night and, when I finally heard the alarm, I fell asleep sitting up. I also gained a pound a day for thirty days each time!!! I watched what I ate, and it never was more than 200-500 calories more than usual and often less than usual. How could that be possible? Nobody has ever been able to explain it to me. It took me years to drop that weight. I’m not going there again.

So it’s back to relying on self-talk, behavioral management, and upping the frequency of therapy to once a week from every two weeks. It’s a struggle.

I hate how self-absorbed depression makes me. It’s “me me me” all the time.

I am still able to remember what it was like to look outward for much of the day. Without trying, I would notice the temperature, what the clouds looked like, what people on the street were wearing. When I talked to people, I concentrated on what they were saying without trying. I wasn’t checking my feelings every moment. I was in and of the world.

I wish it wasn’t so hard to turn my attention away from emotional pain. I wish I knew how to get engrossed in something other than myself on purpose. The best I can do is make a list of things I lost myself in when I wasn’t depressed and see what happens when I do those things now.

Another thing I dislike about this depression is that I am irritable. Beyond crabby! I was filling my meds box for the week and got mad at the pills because it was hard to cram them into the little boxes. Then I got mad at myself for being so impatient and getting angry at those innocent little pills that didn’t even have a brain. No wonder they couldn’t cooperate! I ended up being angry at myself for not being understanding and compassionate, first toward the pills, then towards myself.

I noticed that I am not in as much emotional pain as I was with most of my previous deep depressions. Perhaps part of the pain comes from holding anger in? Perhaps anger is an efficient distraction? Perhaps a bit of both?

Anger is one reason that I have trouble being around people when I am this depressed. I don’t want to direct my anger at them, say something hurtful, or just be unpleasant to be around. And if a brainless little pill can make me mad, think how irritating a real person with a huge brain might be!

Connecting with people I care about is push/pull. I want to see them and talk to them and feel close. At the same time, I want to stay far away and have nothing to do with anybody. Can’t do both at once, can I?

This, by the way, is a regression to childhood. I was a sad little girl yearning for love and seething with anger at the people who were hurting me instead of loving me. Those moments when I was totally alone, without a person in sight, were precious beyond words. Today, I feel relieved and safe when alone, just like I did in childhood.

One of the ways I said I would handle this depression is by continuing to do the things I would do if I weren’t depressed. Part of the plan is to stay in contact with people, even if it is uncomfortable. They have seen me through other bouts of depression, and they won’t ditch me this time, either. I’ll spend more time apologizing, but that’s okay.

Keeping my body, clothes, and house clean are other things I did without not much effort before. So now I am doing them and cutting myself some slack if I do them more slowly, less often, or imperfectly. Taking care of the cat is easy because he is so insistent when he wants something, but the plants sit there silently, wilting if I don’t water them. I like them, I just don’t like to water them. I water them anyway and give myself a gold star.

I don’t get out in the garden as often as I mean to. And although it would be helpful, I have not managed to exercise or meditate. That’s okay, though. Each day I can try again. And maybe one day the Feelings Fairy will swoop down from the treetops and say. “Oh, Jean, you don’t need this depression anymore. Let me take it away and leave acceptance and satisfaction in its stead.” I will watch her fly off into the horizon. She flies slowly because the depression is so heavy, but that tiny wee thing is strong enough to take it far, far away.

Can’t wait!

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Upcoming Holidays

May
5/10 Mothers’ Day
5/12 Armed Forces Day
5/25 Memorial Day
5/31 Pentecost
June
6/5 Full moon
6/5-6 Penumbral lunar eclipse. The moon will turn a shade darker during the maximum phase, visible in Asia, Australia, Europe, and Africa. Most penumbral lunar eclipses cannot be easily distinguished from a usual full moon. See https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/map/2020-june-5
6/19 Summer solstice
6/21 Fathers’ Day
6/21 Annular solar eclipse. Visible from parts of Africa (including the Central African Republic, Congo, and Ethiopia), south of Pakistan, northern India, and China. Partial eclipse is visible in south/east Europe, much of Asia, the north of Australia, and much of Africa, Pacific, Indian Ocean. See https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/map/2020-june-21
6/23 Midsummer’s Eve
6/24 St. John’s Day
July
7/4 Independence Day
7/4 Full moon
7/4-5 Penumbral lunar eclipse. The moon will turn a shade darker during the maximum phase, visible in North and South America, and Africa. Most penumbral lunar eclipses cannot be easily distinguished from a usual full moon. See https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/map/2020-july-5
7/25 St. James’ Day/Festival of the Horned God

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
6/6 D-Day: invasion of France in WW2
7/30 Tisha B’Av (Day of Mourning)
7/29 Hitler proclaimed leader of the Nazi party

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes.)