How I Left the Cult/Delta Variant/MindGeek and Pornhub

How I Left the Cult

I don’t understand why I was allowed to leave the cult. As far as I can tell. they thought I was still a member and I thought I wasn’t. Sort of like my parents, who were born Episcopalian (as was I) and just sort of drifted away as the years passed. Their parents had been observant but didn’t make a big fuss when their children gradually stopped going to church.

I was sent to boarding school when I was fifteen, so there were long periods of ritual-free time. That was followed by two years of college, a gap year in Italy, then two more years of college. I got married early in my Senior year and so had a great excuse to come home less and less often. I attended only a couple of rituals my first two years in college and none after I married.

There were two major call-back times which I didn’t recognize because I hadn’t yet remembered anything. One was when I turned 33. All I remember was weeping because Jesus died at that age, and, compared to what he had accomplished, I had done absolutely nothing. A waste of a life. The other was when my father died. Again, I had remembered nothing; later I realized he was asking me to take his place in the cult. I didn’t.

A lot had to do with the dynamics inside the cult. It was a traditional, snobby, group that traced its history back to pre-revolutionary days and then some. Their way was the correct way to do things; everything else was inferior, ignorant, or in poor taste. The old members were dying off and the younger ones either drifted away or left for more exciting Satanic shores. So, year by year, its hold on the few remaining members became weaker and weaker.

I was used in mind control experiments and child pornography as well. The mind control project was shut down by the powers that be above it in the hierarchy. I believed that they lost their funding and that they hoped they would regain it and pick up where they left off with me. Nobody showed any interest in me from that point on.

As for the child pornography part of the abuse … well, at a certain point I was no longer a child. I don’t know what criteria they used to select children to be trafficked as adults and children to be discarded. I’m very glad I was discarded.

Once, when I was deeply depressed, I thought bitterly that I was so worthless that not even the cult wanted me. These days I find that being rejected by the cult is amazingly good fortune! And to be rejected by the mind control people and the pimps as well – who could ask for anything more?

Most survivors don’t have it as easy as I did. Many endure callback after callback after callback plus harassment and punishment for every step away from the cult. I feel terrible for the way they are treated and admire their determination to escape. I cannot give any advice from my personal experience. Occasionally I can see something they cannot because their vision is clouded by fear, but that’s about it. I wish I had more to give.

Others are subjected to what is called “discard programming.” If they are no longer useful to the abusers for one reason or another, they are set up to destroy themselves. Sometimes quickly, by suicide, sometimes slowly by drugs, alcohol, or other kinds of self-destructive behavior. That’s safe for the perpetrators – people will blame the victim and not look further for the cause of their self-destructive behavior.

Sometimes people with discard programming will have an inkling that they are obeying orders and will become rebellious. “So they want me to drink myself to death? Fuck them! I’m going to make a good life for myself.” Sometimes they stumble across something that makes life worth living and motivates them to fight their addictions. Whether the spark is made out of love or anger, the result is the same. They escape.

We cheer them on and welcome them into the world of survivors on the healing path.


The Delta Variant of COVID-19 Is Bad News

I was worried about Delta being a major threat and hoping I was over-reacting. I wasn’t. If anything, I was under-reacting.

It is just as contagious as chickenpox and more so than MERS, SARS, Ebola, the common cold, flu (including the 1918 flu), and smallpox, a CDC report said. This surge is going to be far worse than the others and the states with low vaccination rates are going to be devastated.

Please be extra cautious about protecting yourself and others, whether you are vaccinated or not. (Vaccinated people can get a mild case, never know it, and infect others they come in contact with. They are just as infectious as people who have caught the virus and have never been vaccinated.)

I hope everybody will put aside their need to blame somebody and focus on being kind and caring. For those of you reading who do not wear masks or want to get vaccinated, I think I understand where you are coming from. I hope you can put yourselves in my shoes and imagine where I am coming from. We need to be respectful of each other and remember that our lives are equally precious.


MindGeek/Pornhub/Xtube Developments Are Good News

Here’s update on MindGeek, which is like an octopus with many tentacles. The tentacles are porn companies owned by MindGeek, indirectly, I think, through a network of shell companies. They grab money from all over the ocean and stuff it into the octopus’ mouth.

The octopus is about to lose a big source of money. One of its tentacles, Xtube, is shutting down on September 5. ( This site probably has a large percentage of illegal material, because it allows people to post their own porn and moderation is, shall we say, probably pretty inefficient. Pornhub deleted 80% of the videos on its site — 10 million videos.

The octopus must  be very hungry these days because Visa, Mastercard, Discover, PayPal, and Comcast/Xfinity will have nothing to do with MindGeek anymore. And it must be scared that it’s going to have to spend a lot of the money that it has tucked away in hard-to-find places. It has to hire a lot of expensive lawyers to defend itself against six different lawsuits brought by people who were raped on film for Pornhub’s use, most of whom were children at the time. And if it loses, there goes a lot more money.


Upcoming Holidays


7/23 Full Moon 
7/25 St. James’ Day/Festival of the Horned God 
7/27 Grand Climax


8/1 Lammas/Lughnasadh 
8/13 Friday the 13th 
8/15 (?) Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary 
8/22 Full Moon 
8/24 St. Bartholomew’s Day


9/5 – 9/7 Feast of the Beast/Marriage of the Beast 
9/7 Labor Day (United States) 
9/20 Full moon 
9/22 Fall Equinox 
9/29 Michaelmas/Feast of Archangel Michael and of all Angels

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups

7/29 Hitler proclaimed leader of the Nazi party 
9/1 Start of WW2 
9/7 Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year, Day of Judgement) 
9/16 Yom Kippur (Jewish Day of Atonement) 
9/17 Hitler’s alternate half-birthday 
9/21 – 9/27 Sukkot (Feast of Tabernacles, Jewish harvest festival

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)


You can find more information on the following holidays at: 



Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2

Fall Equinox:

Halloween (personal): 

Halloween (background):


Yule/Winter Solstice: 


Valentine’s Day:

Spring Equinox:

Easter: personal: (for background, see Spring Equinox)

Walpurgisnacht/May Eve:


Mothers’ Day:

 Fathers’ Day:

 Summer Solstice (corrected text):