How I Learned I Was Ritually Abused

First, why I got way behind on e-mail.

I’ve been without a computer for five days. I asked Apple to transfer my data from the old one onto the new one and then erase my old computer. I thought this might take a couple of hours. I am sure I was right and that the problem was scheduling the work. It probably was a lower priority than working on complicated, challenging, fascinating issues. And there was no money in it for them – these services came free when I bought the lovely new computer.

I do like it. It is extremely fast, not just on the internet, but also opening files, etc. Things are where I left them, so I can find everything easily.

One problem is that it changed some settings – guess they reverted to the default setting. I have to log into everything the first time I use it. The most annoying thing so far is that every time the screen went blank – say when I took a break to feed the cat – I had to log into my computer all over again. It turned out that it was a security setting and I could select the time span when my login was honored. It was set at one minute! I changed it to thirty minutes, and am considering changing it to eight hours. Just a lot of fussy little changes that took time to figure out and change back to what I am used to.

It was nice to be without a computer. I got some medical stuff taken care of and did some housework. I had time for projects over and above the weekly maintenance type of housework. Sorting things into piles: throw out, give away, keep in a sensible place.

I have to do this in two separate houses, one built on a one-inch-to-a-foot scale. It is impossible to throw anything out in that house. Keep – I had that as a child. Keep – I made that. Keep – that’s so cute. Keep – I know it is broken, but I can fix it with the right kind of glue.

It’s been covered with a tablecloth for years and years because cats find it fun to jump into a room and throw all the furniture onto the (big) floor. The tablecloth makes it look boring and it is now safe from attack by giant ferocious felines. Since I couldn’t play with it anymore, I would just lift the tablecloth and toss stuff into the rooms There is no organization at all by now. I know that, when I get to seriously working on it, I will make three piles, just like I do in the big house.

There will be almost nothing to throw away. There will be nothing at all to give away. And all the rest will be waiting for a sensible place, a forever home, except for those things which need washing or mending.

Who am I, at this point, to say I have no littles?

This house is extra precious to me. I built it from a kit, painted it, put up wallpaper, shingled the roof, and built a staircase to get to the second floor. The house was the trigger that brought me my first flashbacks and my first knowledge of the ritual abuse in my past. I’ll tell you the story.

It was Easter and I was alone. My husband had died and my kids were in college. The house was on the kitchen table. The construction part was complete, and it was time for carpets and furniture. There is a big room on the second floor and I had decided it should be an artist’s studio. I wanted it to be like Georgia O’Keefe’s workspace and I wanted cattle skulls on the walls, along with large paintings of close-ups of flowers.

I was in an incest survivor support group with a woman who lived on a farm with sheep. She complained about the rats in the barn – having to kill them, dispose of the bodies, and reset the traps. I asked her if she could give me a couple of dead rats. She did! She brought them to the group the next week! Now that is a good friend, in my book.

On Easter Sunday, I worked all day on the dollhouse. I decapitated the corpses (I had frozen them so they wouldn’t decay) and boiled the heads to get the skulls. It worked well, except I had not realized that the finished project would look like a sabertooth tiger skull. Oh well, why not. Artistic license, you know. I still have them.

Monday I went to therapy, all happy and bouncy. “Guess what, Mike! I bet I am the only person in the whole world who spent Easter Sunday boiling rat skulls.” Mike looked uncomfortable, shifted around in his chair, and said, “I don’t normally do this. But have you ever considered you might have been ritually abused?”

My blood ran cold. I stared at him and said, “Oh, shit.” I knew. There was no question. I just plain knew.

And then the floodgates opened and I had months and months of flashbacks.

So that is why the house is extra, extra special.


Other People’s Blogs

I think it would be great if those of us who have blogs would share them in the comments section. Those who have found blogs that they like a lot could let me know so that I can pass the information on to everybody.

I know that blogs are public and so there is no reason I can’t share them without contacting the owner. But I don’t like to mention other people’s work without asking first. It seems disrespectful to me.

Here is a blog – or bunch of blogs and sites – to start things off.

Eassurvey’s Weblog: Child Abuse, Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, Dissociative Identity Disorder

This started off as a blog for If you don’t know about the Extreme Abuse Surveys, they are online surveys that drew responses from all over the world. You can download pdf’s for the text and the results of all three surveys (“survivor,” “professional,” and “child.”) They are very interesting.

Over the years, its scope has expanded to include news and articles on a great many subjects pertaining to ritual abuse, mind control, and other forms of organized abuse. General categories are to the left, and more detailed categories to the right. It is curated by Neil Brick and contains much the same information as his other sites. Some of his sites are:, https//,,, and
There is also a Facebook group which shares ritual abuse and mind control news.

These sites are a great place to do research on all sorts of topics.


More Good News about MindGeek

The German government will shut down Pornhub, YouPorn, and MyDirtyHobby (all owned by MindGeek), and XHamster because they do not follow mandated child protection procedures. 


Upcoming Holidays

8/1 Lammas/Lughnasadh  
8/13 Friday the 13th  
8/15 (?) Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary  
8/22 Full Moon  
8/24 St. Bartholomew’s Day
9/5 – 9/7 Feast of the Beast/Marriage of the Beast  
9/7 Labor Day (United States)  
9/20 Full moon  
9/22 Fall Equinox  
9/29 Michaelmas/Feast of Archangel Michael and of all Angels
10/11 (?) Columbus Day
10/13 Backward Halloween
10/20 Full Moon
10/31 Halloween/start of Celtic New Year/start of the dark half of the year

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
7/29 Hitler proclaimed leader of the Nazi party  
9/1 Start of WW2  
9/7 Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year, Day of Judgement)  
9/16 Yom Kippur (Jewish Day of Atonement)  
9/21 – 9/27 Sukkot (Feast of Tabernacles, Jewish harvest festival
10/4  Hitler’s alternate half-birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual half-birthday, 10/20, and his alternate half-birthdate six months after Easter, which falls on 4/4 this year.)
10/16 Death of Rosenburg
10/19 Death of Goering
10/20 Hitler’s half-birthday
(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)


You can find more information on the following holidays at: 

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 –
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2
Fall Equinox
Halloween (personal) – 
Halloween (background) –
Yule/Winter Solstice 
Candlemas –
Valentine’s Day –
Spring Equinox
Easter: personal – (for background, see Spring Equinox) –
Walpurgisnacht/May Eve
Mothers’ Day
Fathers’ Day
Summer Solstice (corrected text) –