Halloween 2018

* Detailed instructions for making comments are in “News Items.”

* I am looking for people who have been impregnated in a cult setting and lost their child through forced abortion, sacrifice, or forced adoption for submissions for an anthology I hope to put together. Even if you have not been abused this way, could you spread the word and tell all your survivor friends and therapists or pastors about the project? They can write me at rahome@ra-info.org for more information. Thank you so much!

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I am thinking of all the people, adults as well as children, who will be hurt this Halloween. And all the animals who will be sacrificed. I have a special sadness for the black cats that will be killed, as I had a black kitty named Bobcat.

I wish I could somehow help everybody escape. Of course I can’t, but I still wish I could. I know that all I can do is tell my truth, that I was born into an intergenerational Satanic cult and that I escaped and, with a lot of hard work, made a happy, productive life for myself. I, and countless other survivors, are living proof that it can be done. And if somebody who is still enslaved happens to read about one of us, it may inspire them to free themselves.

You know, if enough people break their programming, there won’t be any more abusive cults!!! Attrition, that’s what we can hope for. That some day there will be only one Satanic circle left, and it will consist of three toothless old men who are having trouble remembering the rituals. It won’t be in my lifetime, but that is okay.

To those of you who are still caught in their evil embrace, I wish freedom for you. If you are ready to try and get out, I urge you to make a safety plan for Halloween, if you haven’t already done so. And make a back-up plan, in case you need to change direction. It’s so much better to be prepared than to have to wing it while you are terrified. If you aren’t ready, there will be opportunities in the future.

And please remember that leaving is usually a process, not an event, like flipping a light switch. Each time you try, you learn something more and are stronger and better prepared for the next attempt. Just because this attempt failed doesn’t mean the next one is fated to fail, too. Keep hoping, have faith that you will be able to escape, and keep plotting how you will do so.

For those of you who are out, whether it be for a few years or many, parts of you may not really believe this. They may feel fear and despair and their feelings may be communicated to you. Please try and remember that this is a “feeling flashback,” not reality. Talk to those parts (don’t expect an answer) and tell them that you are sorry horrible things happened to them and glad that they are alive and trust you enough to let you know how they feel. Do what you can to soothe them – in doing so you will soothe yourself.

I am in a phase where I am not very reactive to Satanic holidays. I can’t say I like any part of Halloween, but I am not going to freak out. This year will be a real test of whether or not I have flashbacks.

You see, I have cataract surgery scheduled for October 30! I had one eye done in January, so I am prepared for what will happen. It’s still not the best choice of days, I must admit. Especially as they threatened to blind me if I didn’t obey. But that is another story.

This time I get to blame the insurance company, not the cult. They will only cover the surgery if it performed in one place, a day surgery clinic. The clinic doesn’t have enough space to accommodate all the surgeons who want to use it so the waiting list is very long. I was originally scheduled to have it done on June 30, six months after my first surgery. Unfortunately I got an infection and they had to cancel it. I was then offered a date in January 2019 but talked my way onto the waiting list for a cancellation. When I lucked out, I took a deep breathe and accepted the October date.

It will be fine.

I’ll be thinking of all of you during those days and holding you in my heart with great tenderness.

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UPCOMING HOLIDAYS

October

10/24 Full Moon
10/31 Halloween/Samhain/All Hallow’s Eve/ Hallomas/ All Souls Day/Start of the Celtic new year.
November

11/1 All Saints’ Day
11/22 US Thanksgiving
11/23 Full Moon
December
12/21 Yule/Winter Solstice
12/22 Full Moon
12/24 Christmas Eve
12/25 Christmas Day
12/31 New Year’s Eve

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups

11/9 Kristallnacht
(Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lamas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes)

About Trigger Warnings

Upcoming Holidays

October
10/22 – 10/29 Preparation for All Hallows’ Eve
10/31 Halloween/Samhain/All Hallows Eve
There are two previous posts on Halloween:

https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/

https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/

November
11/S Full Moon
11/3 Satanic Revels
11/23 Thanksgiving
December
12/3 Full Moon
12/21 St. Thomas’ Day/Fire Festival
12/21 Yule/Winter Solstice
12/24  Christmas Eve/Satanic and demon revels/Da Meur/Grand High Climax
12/15  Christmas Day
12/31 New Year’s Eve
Important dates in Nazi groups
11/9 Kristallnacht
11/11 Veteran’s Day: Armistice, 1918

 

About Trigger Warnings

I know Halloween is fast approaching; it’s just around the corner. Part of me says that I should be writing about it because there are so many people who are suffering as they remember what happened during this season. The two major Satanic holidays are Beltane and Halloween, and I believe that Betane is organized around sex and Halloween around death. To me, death is far worse than sex . . . as long as sex does not culminate in death. So the memories of Halloween are horrible and the feelings are so intense that they are nearly unbearable.

But I have already written about Halloween.  I don’t think I could write anything as useful as those posts and there is something else on my mind. So I am only going to acknowledge the importance of Halloween and write about the pros and cons of trigger warnings.

First, how “trigger” is defined. It varies from person to person and time to time. I find it helpful to distinguish the ways it is used in everyday speech.

1. “Triggered” means being upset. There are many, many things that upset us, and most have nothing to do with cults. War, famine, storms, fire, dishonesty, abuse of power, and cruelty of all types. All of these things upset me, sometimes to the point of thinking that the world would be a lot better off without any people.

Now it is impossible to write about ritual abuse without upsetting people – at least people who have not dissociated and walled off their feelings. I should then, according to this definition, use a trigger warning  each time I write about, or even mention, ritual abuse.

2. “Triggered” means that something has elicited a memory. The memory may be just a glance at part of a past experience, a slight sound, or a whiff of a smell. Or it may be full-blown, as vivid as it was originally and accompanied by extremely strong emotions. The memory may be accompanied by switching, as one alter cannot bear to experience the whole flashback.

If people think that what they are about to say may bring up memories in others, they are apt to use trigger warnings. They would feel feel guilty if they learned they had triggered somebody, even inadvertently.

3. “Triggered” means acting on a post-hypnotic suggestion. If the relationship between the stimulus and the action is unconscious, one usually automatically does what the cult wants. If one is tempted to act but can resist the temptation, the link is usually conscious. Gestures, combinations of words, a series of numbers, a song, or an object may all be used.. For example, if the cult wants a person to go to a certain place, they may flash a series of hand signals, or may wear a necklace with special significance.

Although situation number three is the most dangerous of the three, it is less apt to be given a trigger warning than the first two. This may be because cues are not given  innocently. Even if they are given unconsciously, one part of the system is cult-loyal and knows what is going on. Using a trigger warning would draw attention to the cues and defeat the whole purpose.

 

I use “upset” for meaning #1, “triggered” for meaning # 2, and “cued” for meaning # 3. It helps me think clearly.

So much for the use of the word “trigger”. Now on to trigger warnings.

At first, the warning was called a spoiler or spoiler warning. This came from giving away the ending of a book or movie. It didn’t seem to be a totally accurate description and “trigger warning” soon came to replace it. Next, a description of what one was going to talk about was added. (“Trigger warning” or “may trigger”. . .. for talk of sex.)  Then a long blank space was utilized in the body pf the post so that people didn’t glance at the text by mistake and get triggered. That’s pretty much the way things are today.

Different survivor groups have different customs. Some are pretty lax about trigger warnings, others will hold a post or letter until the moderator feels that the trigger warning is adequate. Some groups feel that they can identify enough cues so that they can exclude people who are dangerous.

Now I don’t ask people to use any trigger warnings, and haven’t for years. I feel that anything a person can say might trigger a memory in somebody at some time. It’s impossible to protect everybody in a group all the time. Realizing this, many members of the group walk on egg shells every time they write something.

I think that a better system is to ask each person to be responsible for their own actions. I am sure that this is not the first time that the person has had a flashback, and they have experienced what is helpful and what is not.If they are upset or go into flashback, I ask them to seek support from friends, their therapist, or a hot line if needed. Journalling can help, and soothing objects or routines can help keep one foot in the present. Knowing that they are considered to be capable adults give people confidence and strength.

I do not forbid the use of trigger warnings. If a person feels better using them, I would not take away that support. I often suspect that if a group member uses trigger warnings, it is for the benefit of parts of their system, not the other group members. And if somebody slips into guilt if they have triggered another, that is understandable. I’ve done this myself, embarrassing myself immensely.

This approach has worked well in the groups I have moderated. I think it is starting to become the norm in the comments section here. Anybody have feelings about whether we should use trigger warnings, and under what circumstances? I’m open to all points of view.

Words Are Our Machine Guns

I need to write another post about Halloween. I’m not getting flashbacks of any sort, not even “feeling” flashbacks. Whether I have stuffed them all way down or worked through them I don’t know, but I do know I’m not having them.

It’s on my mind, though, that other survivors are having a horrible time and there is very little I can do to help them. I can say I am sorry, sorry they did that to you, sorry you are still having flashbacks after all these years, sorry you are feeling alone and frightened. I wish I could share what I did to stop the flashbacks, except I don’t know what that was. I can only hope that one day you will find your own way past them.

What’s happening today is also on my mind. I know that children are being used in rites. I know children are being tortured and programmed. I know they are being made to hurt other children and being told they are evil for doing so. And there is nothing I can do to rescue even one of those children.

And so many animals are being tortured before they are sacrificed. There is nothing the children can do to prevent this, except feel in their hearts that it is wrong. Pray silently, perhaps, for God to end their suffering and take them home to a loving place. And, if possible, know that it is not their fault and that they are helpless to stop it.

I used to fantasize breaking into a ritual gathering with a machine gun and mowing down all the adults. How a ten-year-old kid could get the money for a machine gun, walk into a store and buy the gun and bullets, hide it, learn how to shoot, avoid being taken to the ceremony, and overcome her total aversion to killing weren’t part of the fantasy. Neither was what to do with the terrified kids and animals and all the bodies. Just the killing part. This from a person who takes spiders outside when she finds them in the house and can only kill weeds without guilt.

Now I imagine the day, years and years from now, when enough of us have given our testimony that the majority of people in our society believe this happens right in their back yard. Then the adults will be believed and people will know enough to recognize signs that a child is being ritually abused.

There will be so much information out there that amnesia will crumble and the truth will be known universally. A whole lot of the perpetrators will be desolated at all the suffering they have caused and will stop doing it. Those few sociopaths that don’t care will become isolated and ever fearful of getting caught. The cults will be choked to death by truth.

I get great solace from the belief that speaking out in whatever way we can will hasten that day. Words are our machine guns.