Ritual Abuse – the Gift that Keeps on Giving

Upcoming Satanic and Nazi holidays  
Please note that Satanic sects build the year around pagan holidays Christian holidays, and major secular holidays. It is the Neo-Nazi groups that defile Jewish holidays.
Also see: August Ritual Dates https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/
Fall Equinox https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/
Labor Day https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/labor-day/
9/1 (Nazi) Start of WW2:  9/5 (Satanic) Labor Day (US and Canada):  9/5 – 9/7 (Satanic) Marriage to the Beast:  9/7 (Satanic) Feast of the Beast:  9/16 (Satanic) Full Moon:  9/17 (Nazi) Hitler’s alternate half-birthday:  9/20 – 9/21 (Satanic) Midnight Host:  9/22 (Satanic and Nazi) Fall Equinox

 

Some gift.

First I thought that when I became independent and didn’t have to do what my parents said, things would be fine.

Then I thought if I could only figure out what was wrong with me, I would be fine.

If I married, if I had kids, if I went to graduate school, if I lost five pounds, I finally would be happy.

Then I thought if I could shake my depression, I would be fine.

I got married, had kids, got my degree, and am no longer depressed, thanks to Wellbutron. I still have a few pounds to lose  –  aha! that must be it!

Seriously, what’s wrong is my ritual abuse background. I’ve worked like hell on ritual abuse for many years, and I think things are probably almost as good as they are going to get. They might slowly get even a little bit better in the next few years. If they do, I won’t complain.

It’s true. Ritual abuse affects your whole life, every single year of it, right through the “Golden Years.” <snicker>

I’ll tell you what set off this rant. An article from WebMD News by Amy Norton entitled “Serious Infections Tied to Suicide Risk: Danish study finds greater association in those hospitalized with HIV or hepatitis.” It is an easy-to-read description of an article by  Lena C. Brundin, MD, PhD and Jamie Grit, BSc  “Ascertaining Whether Suicides Are Caused by Infections.” JAMA Psychiatry online, August 10, 2016. It is at https://archpsyc.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=2542678  The abstract and first page are free; the rest of article can be purchased. The WebMD article is at http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20160810/serious-infections-tied-to-suicide-risk

Denmark has kept marvelous medical records since 1977. The National Patient Registry includes all inpatient, outpatient, and emergency room visits. It is a health care statistician’s dream come true.

The authors studied patients who had been hospitalized for infections and compared them to those who had not had infections. Their suicide rate was 42% higher. The suicide rate of people hospitalized with HIV/AIDS or hepatitis, both really serious infections, was more than twice that of people who had had neither HIV/AIDS or hepatitis.

It’s known (but not by me, this was the first I had heard of it) that inflammation can cause depression. Interferon, used to treat some infections and some cancers, causes an inflammatory response; almost half the people on interferon become seriously depressed. It’s not that it’s depressing to have an infection or cancer because people taking other drugs have far lower rates of depression.

So…inflammatory factors can cross the blood/brain barrier. If my body is inflamed, I get depressed. And if I am depressed, my body becomes inflamed.

One of the main after-effects of ritual abuse is depression. If the body isn’t already inflamed from the abuse (which it surely is), the depression causes inflammation. Or makes the body become more inflamed. That explains why so many us are chronically sick – and depressed – as adults.

I’ll offer myself as an example. Looking back, I can see I was clearly depressed by first grade. Suicidal ideation appeared briefly as an adolescent and then became chronic in my late thirties. Interestingly, when I was thirty I had a mysterious illness that caused pain in my hands, arms and legs. It hurt to even hold a pen. Was it fibromyalgia? The only diagnosis offered was, “Middle-aged women sometimes get this.” It cleared up in my forties when I took an antidepressant.

Unfortunately, the antidepressants I took made me gain 80 pounds. Obesity causes inflammation. Inflammation causes arthritis. Arthritis causes inflammation. Luckily the antidepressant I am on now doesn’t make me gain weight. I am on antidepressants for life because every time I try to stop I fall into a black depression and the suicidal thoughts come back.

After living with arthritis for over twenty years, I can no longer walk without a walker and can only go about a quarter of a block without sitting down. I don’t know what the next chapter of this story will be, but I hope the pace of the arthritis will slow now that I am neither obese nor depressed.

I think that if we could take great good care of our bodies when we are young we could avoid some of the conditions that cause inflammation. Dealing with the ritual abuse itself can lessen depression. Then we might get fewer diseases that cause inflammation when we get older and our depressions might be milder. But it is unrealistic to expect this amount of self-care when we have no idea that we are ritual abuse survivors or we are in the early chaotic stages of remembering. It takes all our energy just to stay alive. Besides, we were not taught self-care as kids and we have to painstakingly learn it as adults.

It is so unfair. There ought to be a rule that a person only has so much suffering in their life. Or that they get equal amounts of suffering and happiness. But it doesn’t work that way. The shadow of ritual abuse falls across our whole lives, like it or not.

Gratitude? You Gotta be Kidding!!!!

There is an entry on the fall equinox at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/

and one on the super moon eclipse at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2015/08/20/the-september-28-2015-super-blood-moon-full-eclipse

I belong to an e-mail survivor support group and one of the members started posting one thing a day that she was grateful for. She also said anybody else could do so if they wanted to.

My first reaction was, “Me? She has to be kidding!! What do I have to be grateful for? They tortured me, prostituted me, and sold me for porn films. They ruined my whole life!!!!! I still suffer from what they did to me!!!! And I am supposed to be grateful??? Gimme a break!!!!!”

I went about my daily life, got showered and dressed, fed the cats, and had breakfast, still fuming and grumbling bitterly. After a while the routine calmed me down enough that it occurred to me that I was over-reacting. Back and white thinking it surely was. Although I had plenty to be ungrateful for, I also had plenty to be very grateful for. My kids who turned out great, my kitties, sunlight and fog, occasional beautiful rain, my faithful thirteen-year-old car, enough to eat, a roof over my head, a garden, no dementia. Most important of all, having escaped from the cult. And the wonderful people I have met in the survivors’ community.

The trigger, obviously, was my friend’s post about gratitude. Now what was the event that caused all those strong feelings?

An image of me as a child siting alone at the dining room table with tomato slices in front of her appeared before my eyes. I had protested that I couldn’t eat them and was told that I would sit there until I finished all of them. They really revolted me because, although I wasn’t aware of the connection at the time, they reminded me of blood and flesh. Sometimes I choked the food down;  other times, I couldn’t and it reappeared at breakfast.

Now here is the connection. I was told I was very ungrateful and I should “think of the starving Armenians.” This was during World War II. They used that phrase often to guilt trip me. It just enraged me. I would have happily done something for the Armenians if I could have, but I was helpless. Armenians had nothing to do with being served food I found revolting.

(As an aside, I have always been drawn to Armenians. I have had quite a few Armenian friends. Their churches are gorgeous and so are their Masses. I love Armenian food and cook it pretty well, if I do say so myself.)

Should I be grateful or ungrateful? You can’t equate the two, you can’t weigh and compare them. One case of maltreatment as a child cannot be wiped out by a lovely event in the present, no matter what it is. A loving mother-figure can’t make up for an ineffective or abusive real mother. Each event, each person, is unique and incomparable.

So I have a lot to resent and my job is to accept the evil in my past and live with it in such a way that it does not take over every minute of the day. And I have a lot to cherish and my job is to accept the good and the beautiful and use them to enhance my life, and others’, too.

My friend had the right idea in sharing with us the good and true and real parts of herself and her life.

Lynn Schirmer, Activist Artist

The fall equinox is on September 22 this year. There is an article on the equinox at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/

Warning: the images in this essay are very graphic. They are used with permission, but Lynn asks that you not copy or reproduce them without contacting her at art@lynnschirmer.com.

Coming of age in the ’60’s, my initial idea of activism consisted of sit-ins, marches, demonstrations, and handing bouquets of roses to bemused policemen. It has broadened considerably since then.

Now it has expanded to include art, fiction, and poetry. I find that art is exceptionally well adapted to activism. It speaks to us through the eyes, the mind, and the heart simultaneously. And, unlike roses, most art is lasting and can reach out to future generations.

From time to time I’d like to introduce you to some amazing artists who are survivors of ritual abuse; some are survivors of military/government mind control as well. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to draw or paint or sculpt our experiences and a thousand times more courage to show our work publicly. If we make this choice, we expose ourselves to skepticism, ridicule, and rejection of our very souls, not just the particular piece of work we have offered as a gift to all who may see it.

Today I’m going to talk about Lynn Schirmer, who draws and paints her abuse and its effects, exhibits her work, and opens her studio to the general public. She also curates shows of others’ works, encouraging dozens of other artists to speak out in their own voices.

Lynn is completely open about her background. “I was born into a family active in organized group ritualistic and sadistic pedophilia. Along with profiting from child pornography and prostitution, the group was also networked to people involved with government medical and behavioral experimentation programs. . . . From earliest memory I was subjected to unspeakable acts of torture. It occurred within private settings, such as family/group gatherings, and at research facilities during experimentation sessions.” (http://lynnsart.net/index.php/about/)

She gets even more explicit in the pages from her journal at http://lynnsart.net/index.php/about/go-ahead-and-tell-me/. Here you will find methods of torture, details of her system, even names of perpetrators. Images of a journal drawing and a painting were presented by Linda MacDonald and Jeanne Sarson to the 2004 United Nations Commission on the Status of Women panel.

Madonna of The Electro-Shock Belt - Oil, 2008
Madonna of The Electro-Shock Belt – Oil, 2008

The over-riding theme in Lynn’s artwork is dissociation. Body parts are disconnected and reassembled, multiple figures are merged into one. Colors swirl, uniting and then separating the forms. A sense of dread and terror permeates her work.

Dr. Schirmer's Playpen - Steel parts, copper wire, paper, underwear, 2010
Dr. Schirmer’s Playpen – Steel parts, copper wire, paper, underwear, 2010

Recently she has started experimenting with more geometric compositions, where soft, pretty colors and balanced composition contrast with horrific content. It is every bit as disturbing as the more fragmented pieces.

Lynn is totally prolific. This summer she exhibited in three shows — one solo — and curated a large exhibit and street art project last year. Among her major efforts are “Franklin and Madeline,” a two-person (James Cicatko and Lynn Schirmer) show about the Franklin Scandal in 2007. http://schirmerstudio.com/fm. “After Dinner Party is a website, exhibit, performance, and street art project she created to help educate the public about newly rediscovered knowledge of female anatomy.” http://afterdinnerparty.com/. Guess what it’s about!

Designing websites helps pay the rent in slow months. She created two of the best known RA/MC sites; S.M.A.R.T.S.’ ritual abuse pages at http://ritualabuse.us/‎ and “Ritual Abuse, Ritual Crime, and Healing” at http://www.ra-info.org, as well as http://nonstatetorture.org). They are visually elegant, easy to find your way around, non-triggering, and technically simple for the site owner to modify. See http://likelyarts.com/ for demos and be sure and check out the portfolio section.

I would love to have her talent, courage, and energy. Her background — no — I’ll stick with my own, thanks, not that I have a choice. But comparisons are pointless. Each of us does what we can to mend our broken self and heal the wounded world, and that is more than enough.