Self-Care in December

Upcoming Holidays

December
12/21 St. Thomas’ Day/Fire Festival
12/21 Yule/Winter Solstice (Search for Yule on this blog. The information there also applies to the Pagan background of Christmas.)
12/24  Christmas Eve/Satanic and demon revels/Da Meur/Grand High Climax
12/15  Christmas Day (Search for Christmas on this blog. These posts are personal rather than on the historical background of Christmas.)
12/31 New Year’s Eve

January
1/1 New Year’s Day
1/1 Full Moon
1/7 St Winebald’s Day
1/13 Satanic New Year
1/17 Feast of Fools/Old Twelfth Night/Satanic and demon revels 
1/31 Full Moon

February
2/2 Candlemas/Imbolc
2/13 Mardi Gras
2/14 Valentine’s Day
2/14 Ash Wednesday (beginning of Lent)

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups
1/12 Birth of both Rosenberg and Goering, Nazi leaders in WWII
1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany

Self-Care in December

Glancing at the ritual dates above, it’s clear that the ten days between the solstice and New Year’s are going to be rough. I usually remind people that not all cults observe all the holidays listed, but for these four days (12/21, 12/24, 12/25, and 12/31), all Satanic cults surely celebrate all of them. Satanic and demon revels, Da Meur, and the Grand High Climax are not part of the Christmas Eve rituals for most cults, but that is the only consolation.

I hope all of you can stay safe and keep your courage up. Try to remember that you have survived many other Decembers and that you have more experience in coping with hard times than you did last year.

This is a good time to plan ahead. If you start the project today and then review it every day, adding things and making changes as you think of them, you should have a pretty solid plan by the time the shit hits the fan.

Do you by any chance have a copy of a survival plan you have made for other holidays? If so, it would be a great starting point. You know which things were helpful and which missed the mark. You can go through it point by point, copying some, changing some, and omitting some. If you don’t have an old one, make sure to keep a copy of this plan for future use.

Here are some issues I suggest you consider.

1. External safety. Do dangerous people know how to reach you? Is there some way to minimize the chances they could access you? They probably will use words or objects to trigger you into attending rituals. You are adult now, even if not all of you believes this, and they can no longer just pick you up and take you away. That’s called kidnapping and they would far rather rely on triggers than do something that could be dangerous for them.

If you are worried that somebody may break in, buy an inexpensive alarm that you can hook over the door. Or arrangement to be with somebody safe, either at their place or yours.

2. Internal safety. Even if nobody triggers you, the time of year in itself is a trigger. Chances are parts of you will yearn to be with your family. Perhaps, just perhaps, there will be a perfect Norman Rockwell-type Christmas this year, with presents and good food and good feelings all around. It’s hard to talk yourself out of giving them just one more chance to respect you and love you and be proud of you.

That’s not too hard to understand. What may seem strange is that you are attached to your abusers, attached to the pain, disappointment and degradation. As a child you thought that if you could please them they would not hurt you; they were punishing you because you were bad and, if you were good, they would reward you. So you kept trying. It gave you a sense of control, no matter how small or how delusional.

Also, they were there and they were the source of attention and the basics of life, like food and water. A child is born a need for others as strong as the very life force, and if all you have is people that abuse you, those are the people you will become attached to.

3. Both these issues point to the need to talk to your inner parts, especially to the little ones. They need to know that you will protect them the very best you can and that they do not have to obey the cult any longer. Their desire to return must be acknowledged as natural and understandable and then soothed. They are very brave to try something different and to trust you.

4. Self-harm. What has helped in the past? Make a list of the people you can call if you need to. Hotlines. Your therapist if you have one. Friends you have been able to count on in the past. Also list any groups you have found helpful, like Twelve-Step groups or on-line support groups, or message boards.

If, despite all the precautions you have taken, you are afraid you might hurt yourself badly, please, please, call 911. You need to live for yourself, for me, for every RA survivor. Here is a poem written and illustrated for ritual abuse survivors by a ritual abuse survivor. I can’t tell you how many times I have read it. http://dadig123.ca/reasons_not_to_kill_yourself.html

5. Self-soothing. You might find that people or activities that can distract you are helpful, too, especially for your littles. Taking a break and having fun can be just as healing as a long serious conversation or having the chance to cry without being judged.

Make a list of things you can do alone that will please your littles (and don’t forget your older parts!) and get together any materials you might want. Coloring books, crayons, magic markers, colored paper, your journal. A musical instrument if you know how to play one, a playlist of favorite music. Videos to dance to – whatever you think might appeal to you and would be more fun than rushing around trying to find things at the very last minute.

6. Prepare a special place for yourself. You could stock it with tea and snacks and stuffies. Cozy blankets, soft pillows, your favorite pj’s would all be welcome. You could decorate it ahead of time with drawings, real or paper flowers, encouraging affirmations. Let your imagination go wild!

These are just suggestions. If you have found something to be especially helpful, it would be a great gift to share with others in the comment sections.

So my wish to all is to stay safe, keep your misery to a minimum, and remember that December is almost over.

What We Could Call Ourselves

Here are two pages about my personal feelings about Christmas: 
https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2015/11/30/christmas-plans/  (The images disappeared – I don’t know why.)  https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/12/20/ephemeral-equilibrium-another-christmas/

This page is about the source of winter holiday customs. I wrote about Yule and the winter solstice but a great deal applies to Christmas, too. https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/

Stay safe, everybody!

 

There have been many discussions over the years about changing the name we call ourselves so that we could become more credible and could ally ourselves with survivors of other kinds of abuse. The idea was that we’d become stronger and more influential if we joined with others.  By and large, the idea fizzled, as we were afraid we would be swallowed up and lose our identity.

However, we have an awful lot in common with survivors of child prostitution, child pornography, gov/military mind control, and child soldiers. Taking a broader look, ritual abuse can be seen as incest, physical, sexual, and spiritual child abuse, domestic abuse, and human trafficking. Think of the number of people who have suffered these abuses!

What if we all could come together under some common umbrella? We could use our common name when we were fighting for recognition and justice and still use our chosen name when we talk among ourselves or to those who know something about what we have been through. We could have the best of both worlds.

Michael Salter is a sociologist and criminologist at Western Sidney University, Australia. In an interview with Borne Press in 2014, he stated: “A lack of health services and limited access to the criminal justice system are common to victims of child sexual abuse, rape and domestic violence. These are indicative of major systemic failings that can only be changed slowly, over time, through collective social and political pressure. I know many survivors of organised abuse are working within organisations that aim to address these problems and I’d encourage others to think about the kinds of partnerships they can strike up with like-minded social movements.”  (http://bornepress.com/michael-salter-on-organized-abuse/

Michael is very knowledgeable about ritual abuse and knows well that claims of RA are greeted with rejection. He believes that using the term “organized abuse” brings real advantages, one of which is that it lessens rejection. People can understand and believe what he is saying and not get freaked out as they would if they heard about ritual abuse without preparation. Once they have understood the concept of multi-perpetrator and (usually) multi-victim abuse (e.g. organized abuse) they are more open to accepting ritual abuse as a type of organized abuse.

On 10/9/2016, in a private e-mail, Michael Salter explained his approach: (quoted with permission)

“Rather than ‘mind control’ or ‘programming’, I generally talk about the ‘deliberate induction and manipulation of dissociation’. Mainstream audiences can understand what this means. It’s also a more inclusive term since it describes the conduct of a range of perpetrators and groups, including those abusers who aren’t particularly sophisticated or knowledgeable about DID.

I don’t like the term ‘programming’ since a) I find it sensationalist and dehumanising (human beings are not computers! …. and b) ‘programming’ sounds quite mechanical and underplays the emotional/attachment aspect of the control that perpetrators have over victims. Instead, I prefer to talk about ‘phased’ and ‘strategic’ forms of torture. Again, mainstream audiences can grasp this fairly well.

I use the term ‘ritual abuse’ specifically where ritual has been used in sexual violence, and the term ‘organised abuse’ to describe the broader category of abuse involving multiple, coordinated offenders. The two terms sometimes get conflated but this is a mistake in my view. A significant group of organised abuse victims have never been exposed to ritual abuse, although they’ve experienced overlapping forms of sadism and sexual exploitation.”

Much as I cling to the term “ritual abuse,” I believe I could adopt this approach without feeling I had lost my identity. And I believe others could, too. The name “organized abuse” should be freely chosen by ritual abuse survivors, not something imposed from outside. We would have to be flexible, choosing which name to use in a range of different settings. We had to learn to be flexible very early in life to survive and we have not lost that ability.

I’ve been daydreaming about connecting with people who have undergone forms of extreme abuse which did not include adherence to a particular ideology as either the goal of the abuse or a rationalization on the part of the perpetrators. I imagine it would be like meeting other RA survivors. “That happened to me, too!” “That’s a lie to control you!” “We were both used and degraded.” I also imagine that my family, my tribe, would expand and therefore I would be lots more comfortable in the world.

That in itself makes it worth trying. But if we became more powerful and could actually, together, change society? Wow!!!!!

I’d really love to have somebody write a powerful song that could unite us – something along the lines of “We Shall Not Be Moved” or “Solidarity Forever” or “Which Side Are You On?” Is anybody out there a singer-songwriter?

Drowning in Beauty

May we all have a happier new year.

Don’t know whether you remember I was running away for Christmas to visit my friend in Arizona and take a trip to Moab in Utah. Well, I did, and there was very little evidence of Christmas in either place. I hardly even thought about ritual abuse. Mission accomplished!

Moab was incredible. The first day there we went for a drive, and it was so beautiful I burst into tears. There were all these red rocks on either side of the road towering hundreds of feet above us. Hundreds. I am not exaggerating. The town is in a little valley and every place you look, 360 degrees, there were red rocks.

This is high desert country, with elevations between 4000 and 7000 feet. Outside of town you look across barren ground broken only by sparse grasses and small shrubs. The ground is reddish because the soil is made of tiny particles eroded from those gigantic rocks. The vegetation was brown because the rainy season hadn’t started; however there was enough water and nourishment for rabbits and deer and other critters. It reminded me of driving through the Australian desert and seeing Ularu soaring up in the middle of nowhere. Except here, Ularu was all around us.

Christmas Day, we stayed in out little cabin, loafed, read magazines, and watched the snow fall gently around us. That was the only day it snowed and the rest of the time we drove through the La Sal mountains, Arches National Park and, on the last day, Monument Valley. We shared the road with deer, who were fearless, and cattle, who were just as fearless when we leaned on the horn. We saw ravens and buzzards and some tumbleweed, even though it was the wrong time of year. I was in heaven.

I did none of the driving, so I felt very well taken care of. We had been good friends for several years but we had never spend that much uninterrupted time together. We both are in chronic pain and when we are tired we get sort of grumpy. So much time together could have been a recipe for disaster, but we both were understanding and forgiving. The last couple of days were a real treat – we went over our ways of communicating and figured out patterns that cause misunderstandings. I’ve only done that in therapy, and that is pretty one-sided. I learned so much about her and about myself; when I am not clear, when I jump to conclusions about the other person, when she thought I was saying one thing but it was another.

I don’t want to give the impression that all was well 24/7. The day we were supposed to check into the cabin we arrived after the sun set. Of course we got hopelessly lost in back-country roads, up in the mountains, no houses within sight, no useful map, snow on the road, and no snow tires. After about two hours I suggested we call AAA and ask what to do. She heard AARP and thought that was the stupidest thing she had heard in a long time.

Finally we found a place with cell phone reception and called the company that managed the cabins. A sweet young guy talked us down to the road we were supposed to be on. Except we were twenty miles away from the turn off and he thought we were just a few yards from it. Eventually that got straightened out. Boy did we sleep well that night!

I was happy that I walked more than twice as much as I do on a good day at home, even with the altitude and getting out of breath. I hadn’t walked in snow for twenty or thirty years, and I could do it without losing my balance. Except one time, when I misjudged the steepness of a little slope, my weight was too far back, and I fell over backwards. I rolled to the right, so I didn’t hit my head, but my ankle is badly bruised. That’s the risk you take when you go bravely into an unfamiliar situation saying, “Of course I can do it” rather than, “I’m too scared. You go and have fun and I will stay here in the car and be bored.”

In case you hadn’t guessed, I want to go back next year.

PS I wanted to include pictures, but I am working on Windows and have no idea how to do anything. I’ll show you some fantastic pictures when I get home.