Ritual Abuse Causes Early Physical Aging

* You can find more information on the following holidays at:

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/
Fall Equinox: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/
Halloween (personal): https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/
Halloween (background): https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/
Thanksgiving: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/
Yule/Winter Solstice: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/
Candlemas: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/
Valentine’s Day: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/
Spring Equinox: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/
Easter: personal (for background, see Spring Equinox): https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/
Walpurgisnacht/May Eve: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/
Beltane: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/
Mothers’ Day: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/
Fathers’ Day: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/
Summer Solstice (corrected text): https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/
Lammas: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/
and Lammas: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/

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It seems that every couple of years, I read about another deleterious effect of abuse that shows up years after the actual abuse has stopped. Just last week, I got another opportunity to rant – or rather, to process my righteous anger –  about how ritual abuse ravages our bodies in so many different ways.

What set me off was an article in an email newsletter I get from Harvard. Apparently, childhood violence (but not neglect) sets processes in motion that make victims age faster. They aren’t talking about chronic diseases like lupus, arthritis of all sorts, diabetes, or addictions, all of which often shorten the life span significantly, This is on a cellular level!

Here’s the Harvard Gazette summary of: Colich, Natalie L., Rosen, Maya L., Williams, Eileen S., and McLaughlin, Katie A. “Biological Aging in Childhood and Adolescence Following Experiences of Threat and Deprivation: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis.” American Psychological Association, Psychological Bulletin, 8/3/2020 DOI: 10.1037/bul0000270: https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2020/08/violence-and-trauma-in-childhood-accelerate-puberty/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Daily%20Gazette%2020200805%20(1) .

This appears to be the original article in its entirety; complete, interesting, very long, and very complex. https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-bul0000270.pdf .

The authors found that violence in childhood causes early puberty. It also shortens telomeres, the part of the chromosome at the ends, which protects them from deterioration. Essentially, this means that chromosomes will wear out earlier.

I don’t really understand this part of early aging, so I’ll just quote from the article.

“Another area was epigenetic aging metrics, in which patterns of methylation across the genome can be used to estimate a person’s chronological age. Again, children who experienced violence showed accelerated epigenetic aging markers compared with their chronological age, indicating that their cells aged more quickly than expected.”

But that’s not all. In childhood, the outer parts of the brain thin, and the number of connections between the neurons diminishes. The brains of children living with violence thinned faster than those of the other children, especially in areas that process social situations and emotional information.

This means that the brain has adapted to being tuned in to situations that present a threat and is less focussed on situations that are not dangerous. No wonder, as adults, that we are hypervigilant and anxious and have trouble developing trusting relationships.

It’s just not fair. When you escape, you should be rewarded with a healthy body that doesn’t hurt, as well as a spirit full of hope and determination. Plus not just self-esteem, but pride at being able to get free of their clutches. I think this is the least you could ask for, the least you should expect.

Well, we all know it doesn’t work that way. Torture damages body, mind, and spirit, and you are left with the challenge of figuring out just what the damage is and what can be done about it. They made the mess, and you get the job of cleaning it up.

By you, I mean you and I and all survivors. Not a single one of us gets a fair shake. As I say when I am really furious, this sucks toad tits.

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Here’s a list of other blog entries on physical problems and ritual abuse:

Depression, Obesity, and Inflammation
https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/08/18/depression-obesity-and-inflammation/

PTSD and Dementia
https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/10/ptsd-and-dementia/

Things on My Mind This Week (Ritual Abuse Correlated with Ovarian Cancer)
https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2019/09/10/%e2%80%a8ritual-abuse-things-on-my-mind-this-week/

Stress, Cortisol, Eating, and Meditation
https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/07/30/stress-cortisol-eating-and-meditation/

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Upcoming Holidays

August
8/24 St. Bartholomew’s Day
September
9/1 Full moon
9/5 – 9/7 Feast of the Beast/Marriage of the Beast
9/7 Labor Day (United States)
9/22 Fall Equinox
9/29 Michaelmas/Feast of Archangel Michael and of all Angels
October
10/1 Full moon
10/12 Columbus Day (?)
10/13 Backward Halloween
10/31 Full moon (Blue Moon)
10/31 Halloween/start of Celtic New Year/start of the dark half of the year

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
10/4 Hitler’s alternate half birthday
10/20 Hitler’s half birthday
10/16 Death of Rosenburg
10/19 Death of Goering
10/31 Halloween
(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish or Christian holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes.)

Chronic Pain – My Constant Companion

 

Upcoming Satanic and Nazi holidays  
Please note that Satanic sects build the year around pagan holidays, adding Christian holidays and major secular holidays. It is the Neo-Nazi groups that defile Jewish holidays.
9/1 (Nazi) Start of WW2:  9/5 (Satanic) Labor Day (US and Canada):  9/5 – 9/7 (Satanic) Marriage to the Beast:  9/7 (Satanic) Feast of the Beast:  9/16 (Satanic) Full Moon:  9/17 (Nazi) Hitler’s alternate half-birthday:  9/20 – 9/21 (Satanic) Midnight Host:  9/22 (Satanic and Nazi) Fall Equinox
Fall Equinox https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/
Labor Day https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/labor-day/

 
 
The last post was about the probable connection of brain and body through inflammation. I was enraged, if you didn’t guess. I’ve calmed down quite a bit since then, at least on the surface. This post is about my feelings about stuff I have had to contend with throughout most of my adult life.

A few years ago, I tried to calculate how many years since the age of twenty I had been in chronic pain. I picked twenty because by then I was pretty much free of the cult and I didn’t want to count the childhood years of abuse. I wanted an estimate of how many years some physical condition created my pain, a condition that was not dependent on another human being to cause it or maintain it. In other words, the after-effects of the abuse. Does that make sense?

I recalculated it today and it came to fifty-five, allowing for a few pain-free years when I was in my low fifties. There were twenty-four years of fibromyalgic-type pain, then a break, then arthritis, first in my knees, then my back, and now also my hands and maybe my neck, too.

And all that time, I was either depressed or on antidepressants. So there was a lot of inflammation in my body, and in my brain, too, until I discovered Wellbutrin about ten years ago. I can just see the body and brain passing inflammation back and forth, like children playing hot potato. “It’s yours.” No, it’s yours. It’s your turn.” “You take it, my turn has been longer than yours.” On and on, for year after year.

The unidentified illness started shortly after I had my second child, followed by a bad case of the flu. I thought (hoped?) for many months that it was a late symptom of the flu and it would clear up rapidly. It came and went in waves, so I often thought I was done with it. The waves gradually got less intense and further apart until I realized, after twenty-five years, that they had disappeared. It was during this time that I was either coping with my depression without medications or using antidepressants that took away my suicidal thoughts but had horrible side effects.

The mystery disease caused what felt like aching pain in my arm, leg, and finger bones. Nothing in my torso, thank goodness. The pain in my hands gave me the worst problems. I had to buy an electric can opener. I had to ask people to open store doors for me — they were too heavy. And I could not type or hold a pen. I mean I could, but I would be crying after a few minutes. Made it hard to be a grownup.

It forced me to ask for help, which was mortifying. I felt exposed, vulnerable, incompetent. And afraid that the people I asked for help would mock me before walking away, leaving me in tears.

I had a few years between the end of that episode in my life and being diagnosed with arthritis. But, looking back, it had started five or ten years earlier, overlapping with the mystery disease. I remember being stiff, so stiff that I had to take a hot shower before going downstairs to have coffee. I remember doing back exercises during that period, too. There wasn’t a lot of pain, just the first warnings. I blossomed: started jogging and swimming – and dancing, too! It was a pretty happy period for me.

The arthritis pain stays steady for a while until there is a flare-up. The flare-up eventually dies down but the pain is more intense than before. I did have a knee replacement, which was a miracle until I tripped and fell on my walker. Still, that knee is not at all bad. The real problem is my back: paraphrasing the latest X-ray report: “Her back is a mess and it is going to get worse.” It is all steadily down-hill from here.

I cannot walk a half block without sitting down. I cannot stand more than a couple of minutes. It is painful to lie down, which makes sleep problematic. Thank goodness sitting is still comfortable.  I can sit all day in front of my computer and not feel a bit of pain. I can see sometime in the future having to sleep sitting up; it won’t be fun, but it will be manageable.

So I have lived for all those years with chronic pain. It’s been a constant companion, like depression, my oldest friend. I no longer have to use an electric can opener but there are days when I think of buying one. I can see it coming, as my fingers get bent and my knuckles enlarge so that I can no long wear my favorite rings.

I think many of us were trained to endure pain stoically. If you aren’t allowed to express it externally, you have to bear it internally. Sometimes alters take turns enduring the pain, sometimes there is a further split for the trainer to take advantage of.

For me, there is a “religious” component to living with pain. I was taught that Satan liked pain, and that my pain was a gift to him. If I tried to avoid the pain or complained, it was like a slap in Satan’s face. You absolutely do not ever want to do that.

I am long past believing that, but the habit is deeply ingrained. It is very, very difficult to ask for help and to take care of my body.  Making a doctor’s appointment means I am admitting there is something wrong . . . and asking for help. It took forever to use the walker in public and to allow people to open doors for me and let me to go first. I waited years before I got a handicap placard for my car. I know these behaviors are silly and counterproductive but I am bucking the habits of a lifetime. Each year I am getting a little better at not being so rigidly independent.

There are so many, many losses involved with chronic illnesses and chronic pain. I am very grateful that I have not been deprived of a sense of purpose, of being of use to my community. I think of this every day while writing blog posts, updating my web page, moderating support groups, or laughing and crying with friends. I am grateful, too, for discovering ideas that might be helpful to me personally and for learning of exciting work around the world that others in the field of ritual abuse are doing. I feel blessed that these connections have not been taken away from me.

PS Something else that I am wildly grateful for is that chronic pain still grants me some joy, unlike depression, which sucked all the color, pleasure, and meaning out of life.