BOUNDARIES

A friend of mine gave a training on boundaries to a group of paraprofessionals in the mental health field. Much needed! I don’t think that ethics and boundary issues are taught widely, and they should be. She also sent me her slides from the workshop and gave me permission to use her ideas.

Now this isn’t about client/therapist boundaries, it’s about boundaries in general, so the ideas are applicable in all situations. I found that I already knew all of the, material but I didn’t think about it. For me, it really helps to put words to the concepts. It’s like a little cloud is floating through my mind, and I meet it and say, “Oh, there you are. Now that I look at you closely I can see you are made of water vapor and bits of ash and some bacteria and lots of other things, too.” And then I feel I know clouds a little better. Make any sense?

So boundaries between people are made by saying “yes” and “no.” It’s so simple! But for folks like us, who often freeze up and stutter, it is hard to know whether we want to say “yes” or “no,” whether we dare to, what consequences might occur if we say one or the other. Without a “yes” or a “no” there is no boundary and the other person can do what they want.

My family often answered questions by talking around the topic. Say I asked for seconds of dessert. Instead of saying I could have seconds or I couldn’t, my mother would talk around the subject for ten minutes. If I kept asking, she continued talking and still didn’t give me a clear answer. At some point, I would give up and go away, which was what she wanted all along. As an adult, I caught myself talking in circles when I didn’t know the answer and was embarrassed to admit it. It was hard to break the habit!

It is believed that everybody knows what they want or don’t want, and they simply have to learn to be clear. But what about people like us, with parts? Chances are, different parts will have different desires. If there is an internal disagreement, you might not know what “you” want. Or if the parts switch, one might say “yes” and the “other “no,” and no boundary gets set. So please remember that it isn’t quite as simple as it sounds for multiples.

Here are some different types of boundaries. 

Physical Boundaries

Personal space – how close somebody can come to you. Touch – who can touch you, where, and under what circumstances.

Intellectual Boundaries

Respect for ideas and opinions. Listening without putting somebody down, not stealing ideas or plagiarizing, not mocking somebody’s opinion.

Emotional Boundaries

How much you are willing to share with another. You might express anger at your partner but not at a police officer. Who you share which parts of your past with.

Sexual Boundaries

“Sex” includes physical sex, sexual feelings, and thoughts about sex. You might fantasize about somebody but never even kiss them, you might get turned on but never act on it, or you might be cold and disconnected while you have physical sex. (I had always known I had different boundaries with different people but, until I saw this slide, I did not have words for the different aspects of sexuality.)

Material Boundaries

Money and possessions – who you will give or lend them to, how much, how long. What is mine, yours, or ours.

Time Boundaries

How you spend your time. How long do you allot for work, self-care, socializing, and play.

Access Boundaries

How available you are to others. Who do you willingly turn your attention to, and for how long.

Responsibility Boundaries

How much responsibility – work, friends, or family – do you take on for other people or projects. 

Privacy Boundaries

What personal or professional information are you willing to share with whom, and what is private.

One last distinction – personal and professional boundaries are quite different. Employers or licensing boards make the rules for professional boundaries, not you. They are generally more constrictive and more rigid than personal boundaries. It’s important for all concerned not to break a professional boundary even if the desire exists on both sides. Whereas with personal boundaries, you are entitled to move from one set of boundaries to another if it is consensual. 

Take the example of dating a friend and dating a client. The first is fine as long as both people want to change the relationship, whereas the second is forbidden and unethical.

A little about the development of heathy and unhealthy boundaries – 

Personal boundaries protect you, keeping you safe and in charge of your life. There are people out there who will, if given the chance, take advantage of you. Some are motivated by greed, lust, or desire for power over another person. Others are socially clueless or in such pain and need that they will cling to anybody who will let them. Regardless of where they are coming from, if you let them take more of you than you are willing to give, you will find that you become frightened, angry, and resentful. What is happening is not good for you. 

Ideally, a child is born to parents who take care of the newborn baby and slowly shift control for decision making to the child. The older the child gets, the more he/she is allowed to make decisions and to act out of a sense of self-control and autonomy. The six-year-old doesn’t get to drive the car but is trusted to get a learner’s permit ten years later.

Abused children are not allowed to set their own boundaries. They are not seen as individuals with their own need for safety and their own desires and ideas. They are treated as objects, and the abusive adults feel they can take what they want from them and then toss them aside. They are made to obey at all times because they are seen as being there to fill the adults’ needs and indulge their desires. The adults set the rules, which are often inconsistent, even contradictory.  

Under these circumstances, children grow up without the skills needed to protect themselves and set boundaries. They may not even know what boundaries are, let alone how to form and maintain them. Survivors must learn about boundaries as adults, slowly and painfully.

Like all learning, learning to set healthy boundaries involves trial and error. Try not to be too hard on yourself – it isn’t your fault that you don’t know where to start, how to tell whether you are making progress – everything that goes into becoming proficient at protecting yourself at all times and in all situations. Think of it this way – You can’t hop on a bicycle and ride 100 miles without falling off if this is the very first time you have gotten on a bicycle. So expect to fall off, and be kind to yourself when you do and proud of yourself when you get back on your bike.

I feel that’s enough to absorb. I plan to keep talking about boundaries next time.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Upcoming Holidays

December

 Sundays of Advent: 11/28, 12/5, 12/12, 12/19

 12/18 Full Moon

 12/21 Winter solstice/Yule/St. Thomas’ Day

 12/24 Christmas Eve

 12/25 Christmas Day

 12/31 New Year’s Eve

January

 1/1 New Year’s Day

1/2 New Moon

 1/6 Epiphany/Three Kings’ Day

 1/7 St Winebald’s Day

 1/13 Satanic New Year

 1/17 Full Moon

1/17 Feast of Fools/Old Twelfth Night/Satanic and demon revels

 1/17 (?) Martin Luther King Jr. Day

 1/20 St. Agnes’ Eve

 1/31 New Moon

February

 2/2 Candlemas/Imbolc/Satanic Revels

 2/14 Valentine’s Day

 2/12 (?) Lincoln’s Birthday

 2/16 Full Moon

2/21 (?) Presidents’ Day/Washington’s birthday

 2/25 Walpurgis Day

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups

11/29 -12/16 Chanukah/Hanukkah (Jewish Festival of Lights)

1/16 – 1/17 (sundown to sundown) Tu Bishvat/Tu B’Shevat (Jewish celebration of spring)

 1/12 Birth of both Rosenberg and Goering, Nazi Leaders in WWII

 1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany

 2/26 Purim (Deliverance of the Jewish people from Haman in Persia)

 (NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)

~~~~~~~~~~ 

You can find more information on the following holidays at: 

Yule/Winter Solstice – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/ 

Candlemas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/

Valentine’s Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/

Spring Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/

Easter: personal – (for background, see Spring Equinox) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/

Walpurgisnacht/May Eve – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/

Beltane – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/

Mothers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/ Fathers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/

Summer Solstice (corrected text) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/

Lammas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/

 and https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/ 

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/

Fall Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/

 Halloween (personal) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/ 

Halloween (background) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/

Thanksgiving – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/

Advent and Epiphany

I thought I would research these lesser-known Christian holidays coming up since I don’t know much of anything about them. Unlike Christmas and Easter, I could not find pagan customs that had been incorporated into these holidays. They are part of the Christmas story – Advent is sort of abstract and meditative while Epiphany is more concrete, celebrating the visit of the three kings.

The online Oxford English Dictionary states that the word advent entered old English from the Latin adventus ‘arrival’, from advenire, from ad- ‘to’ + venire ‘come’. The advent of something or somebody means the coming of an important event, person, invention, etc.

Guess what important person is coming in about a month? Jesus Christ! So the month before his birth is a time of hope, faith, and anticipation.

The Advent Wreath must have been the source of the wreaths that we place on our front doors. It’s made of various kinds of evergreen branches and decorated with pine cones, which symbolize life and resurrection. Pine, holly, and yew branches symbolize immortality, cedar strength and healing, and laurel victory over persecution and suffering. The wreath itself, like all circles, has no beginning or end and so signifies the eternity of God and the immortality of the soul.

The wreath is sometimes placed on a table, and four candles are added, one for each week of Advent. One of the candles is lit each Sunday.

The first candle, which is purple, stands for hope – the anticipation of Christ’s birth. It is sometimes called the “Prophecy Candle” for the prophets who predicted the birth of Christ. The second candle, also purple, represents faith. It is called the “Bethlehem Candle” because that was Christ’s birthplace. The “Shepherd’s Candle” is pink and symbolizes joy. (The third Sunday of Advent is Gaudete Sunday – gaudete means “rejoice!” in Latin.). The fourth purple candle, the “Angel’s Candle,” symbolizes peace. “Peace on earth, good will toward men.”

Advent calendars are only about 150 years old. They were first made of wood, in Germany. Paper calendars were printed between 1900 and 1910, and the little doors were added in 1920. Behind the doors were Bible verses; chocolate did not appear until the late 1950s. I noticed this year that there are even Advent calendars for dogs!

Skipping over the winter solstice, Yule, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day (see Yule/Winter Solstice – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/), we come to Epiphany on January 6.

According to the online Oxford English Dictionary, the word “epiphany” comes from Middle English via the Greek word epiphainein, “reveal.” On this day, Christ was revealed to the three kings, who found his birthplace by following a star.

January 6 is the twelfth day after Christmas. Twelfth Night is the night before and is marked by feasting and wassailing. In Europe, some form of Kings’ Cake is eaten throughout the twelve days. It’s a rich cake with candied fruit and chocolate mixed in.

Some Satanic groups still celebrate Old Twelfth Night on January 17. The date was changed to January 6 in 1750 when the Gregorian calendar was adopted and some dates on the Julian calendar were reassigned. The Julian calendar is still in use by parts of the Eastern Orthodox Church. 

Googling did not tell me how Satanic groups pervert Advent, and I have no memories of those days, so I doubt my group marked them. All I can think of is that the opposite of hope, faith, joy, and peace is despair. Twelfth Night is a time of feasting and wassailing – in other words drinking. I’m pretty sure that it’s an excuse for orgies, with plentiful food, alcohol, drugs, and sex.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Upcoming Holidays

December

 Sundays of advent: 11/28, 12/5, 12/12, 12/19

 12/4 Total Solar Eclipse visible only in Antarctica. Southern Africa and the southeastern corner of Australia and Tasmania will see a partial eclipse.

 12/18 Full Moon

 12/21 Winter solstice/Yule/St. Thomas’ Day

 12/24 Christmas Eve

 12/25 Christmas Day

 12/31 New Year’s Eve

January

 1/1 New Year’s Day

1/2 New Moon

 1/6 Epiphany/Three Kings’ Day

 1/7 St Winebald’s Day

 1/13 Satanic New Year

 1/17 Full Moon

1/17 Feast of Fools/Old Twelfth Night/Satanic and demon revels

 1/17 (?) Martin Luther King Jr. Day

 1/20 St. Agnes’ Eve

 1/31 New Moon

February

 2/2 Candlemas/Imbolc/Satanic Revels

 2/14 Valentine’s Day

 2/12 (?) Lincoln’s Birthday

 2/16 Full Moon

2/21 (?) Presidents’ Day/Washington’s birthday

 2/25 Walpurgis Day

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups

 (NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)

~~~~~~~~~~ 

You can find more information on the following holidays at: 

Thanksgiving – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/

Yule/Winter Solstice – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/ 

Candlemas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/

Valentine’s Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/

Spring Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/

Easter: personal – (for background, see Spring Equinox) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/

Walpurgisnacht/May Eve – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/

Beltane – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/

Mothers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/ Fathers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/

Summer Solstice (corrected text) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/

Lammas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/

 and https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/ 

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/

Fall Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/

 Halloween (personal) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/ 

Halloween (background) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/

I’m sorry this is late. I had some dental work done and went into a flashback that went on and on. I was kind to myself, rested a lot, and tried not to pressure myself to do much of anything. I am pretty much over it now.

I thought I would write about these lesser-known Christian holidays coming up. I didn’t know much of anything about them, but they seemed important enough to pervert. Unlike Christmas and Easter, I could not find pagan customs that had been incorporated into these holidays. They are part of the Christmas story – Advent is sort of abstract while Epiphany celebrates the visit of the three kings.

The online Oxford English Dictionary states that the word entered old English from the Latin adventus ‘arrival’, from advenire, from ad- ‘to’ + venire ‘come’. The advent of something or somebody means the coming of an important event, person, invention, etc.

Guess what important person is coming in about a month? Jesus Christ! So the month before his birth is a time of hope, faith, and anticipation.

The Advent Wreath must have been the source of the wreaths that we place on the doors to our houses. It s made of various kinds of evergreen branches and decorated with pine cones, which symbolize life and resurrection. Pine, holly, and yew branches symbolize immortality, cedar strength and healing, and laurel victory over persecution and suffering. The wreath itself, like all circles, has no beginning or end and so signifies the eternity of God and the immortality of the soul.

The wreath is sometimes placed on a table, and four candles are placed on it, one for each week of Advent. One of the candles is lit each Sunday.

The first candle, which is purple, stands for hope – the anticipation of Christ’s birth. It is sometimes called the “Prophecy Candle” in for the prophets who predicted the birth of Christ. The second candle, also purple, represents faith. It is called the “Bethlehem Candle” because that was Christ’s birthplace. The third candle, called the “Shepherd’s Candle, is pink and symbolizes joy. (The third Sunday of Advent is Gaudete Sunday – gaudete means “rejoice!” in Latin.). The fourth purple candle, the “Angel’s Candle,” symbolizes peace. “Peace on earth, good will toward men.”

Advent calendars are only about 150 years old. They were first made of wood, in Germany. Printed calendars appeared between 1900 and 1910, and the little doors appeared in 1920. Behind the doors were Bible verses: chocolate did not appear until the late 1950s. I noticed this year that there are even Advent calendars for dogs’

Skipping over the winter solstice, Yule, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day (see Yule/Winter Solstice – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/), we come to Epiphany on January 6.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word “epiphany” comes from Middle English via the Greek word epiphainein, “reveal.” On this day, Christ was revealed to the three kings, who found his birthplace by following a star. January 6 is the twelfth day after Christmas.

Twelfth Night is the night before and is marked by feasting and wassailing. Throughout Europe, some form of Kings’ Cake is eaten throughout the twelve days. It’s a rich cake with candied fruit and chocolate mixed in. Some Satanic groups still celebrate Old Twelfth Night on January 17. (The date was changed to January 6 in 1750 when the Gregorian calendar was adopted and some dates on the Julian calendar were reassigned. The Julian calendar is still in use by parts of the Eastern Orthodox Church.) 

Googling did not tell me how Satanic groups pervert Advent, and I have no memories of those days, so I doubt my group marked them. All I can think of is that the opposite of hope, faith, joy, and peace is despair. Twelfth Night is a time of feasting and wassailing – in other words drinking. I’m pretty sure that it’s an excuse for orgies, with plentiful food, alcohol, drugs, and sex.

 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

Upcoming Holidays

 

December

 Sundays of advent: 11/28, 12/5, 12/12, 12/19

 12/4 Total Solar Eclipse

 12/18 Full Moon

 12/21 Winter solstice/Yule/St. Thomas’ Day

 12/24 Christmas Eve

 12/25 Christmas Day

 12/31 New Year’s Eve

January

 1/1 New Year’s Day

1/2 New Moon

 1/6 Epiphany/Three Kings’ Day

 1/7 St Winebald’s Day

 

 1/13 Satanic New Year

 1/17 Full Moon

1/17 Feast of Fools/Old Twelfth Night/Satanic and demon revels

 1/17 (?) Martin Luther King Jr. Day

 1/20 St. Agnes’ Eve

 1/31 New Moon

February

 2/2 Candlemas/Imbolc/Satanic Revels

 2/14 Valentine’s Day

 2/12 (?) Lincoln’s Birthday

 2/16 Full Moon

2/21 (?) Presidents’ Day/Washington’s birthday

 2/25 Walpurgis Day

 

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups

11/29 -12/16 Chanukah/Hanukkah  (Jewish Festival of Lights)

1/16 – 1/17 (sundown to sundown) Tu Bishvat/Tu B’Shevat  (Jewish celebration of spring)


1/12 Birth of both Rosenberg and Goering, Nazi Leaders in WWII


1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany


2/26 Purim (Deliverance of the Jewish people from Haman in Persia)

 (NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)

~~~~~~~~~~ 

You can find more information on the following holidays at: 

Yule/Winter Solstice – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/ 

Candlemas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/

Valentine’s Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/

Spring Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/

Easter: personal – (for background, see Spring Equinox) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/

Walpurgisnacht/May Eve – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/

Beltane – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/

Mothers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/ Fathers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/

Summer Solstice (corrected text) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/

Lammas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/

 and https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/ 

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/

Fall Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/

 Halloween (personal) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/ 

Halloween (background) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/1/02/samhainhalloween/

Thanksgiving – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/

 

 

Why Are so Many RA Survivors Chronically Ill?

It’s thanks to our upbringing. More specifically, thanks to the abuse and the stress hormone cortisol. Here’s an overview of the effects of cortisol.

Cortisol and adrenaline, the other stress hormone, are both secreted by the adrenal glands in response to a signal from the pituitary gland, which, in turn, responds to a signal from the hypothalamus.

Adrenaline causes a sudden surge of energy and raises your heart rate and blood pressure, thus giving your cells more oxygen. Cortisol, which kicks in a moment later, increases blood sugar and suppresses processes that aren’t essential, like digestion, growth, and reproductive system functions. Increased blood sugar prolongs the initial surge of energy. Cortisol also helps reduce inflammation and assists memory formation.

This increase in energy comes in handy if you suddenly come across a saber-tooth tiger. If you decide to run away, you can run faster and longer. If you decide to fight, you are stronger and have more endurance. Reduced inflammation helps if you get wounded, and better memory formation helps you plan your actions the next time you encounter a saber-tooth tiger.

When you reach safety, you breathe a sigh of relief, adrenaline and cortisol levels drop to normal levels, you rest and calm down, and then go about your life as usual. Evolution has adapted our bodies to long periods of safety punctuated by occasional short-lived periods of intense danger. As a result, experiencing danger, escaping, and finding safety does not cause permanent damage to either the body or the psyche.

Few of us, however, are hunter/gatherers who occasionally meet up with animals who would like to eat us. The pattern of our lives is quite different. We are more likely to encounter dangers that are frequent or that continue without a break. We are more likely to live in a state of chronic stress rather than experience acute stressors followed by periods of calm.

For ritual abuse survivors, danger certainly was not an occasional occurrence in childhood. It was almost constant and, whether we were amnesic or not, our bodies were braced for the next bout of abuse. There was no time to relax in safety and allow our bodies to return to normal. We were under unrelenting stress, always on high alert. So the adrenal glands were always doing their job, preparing us for danger by secreting adrenaline and cortisol.  

What happens when cortisol remains high? At first, the body adapts, everything seems normal, and you feel energized. If it stays high for long periods, it can cause symptom such as these:  

 • insulin resistance and high blood sugar
• bone loss
• muscle weakness
• fatigue
• frequent illnesses
• hypothyroidism
• high blood pressure
• bruising and slow wound healing
• low sex drive
• weight gain — particularly around the stomach, upper back, and face
• irregular menstrual periods
• anxiety and depression
• addictions
• insomnia and sleep disturbances
• difficulty concentrating

If insulin remains high for a long time, diabetes develops, and if blood pressure remains high for a long time, cardiovascular disease develops. Bone loss leads to osteoporosis, and weight gain leads to obesity. None of these symptoms lead to increased health and well-being.

I’ve written about this before. (Just search for cortisol or chronic disease.) I keep coming back to it because it makes me very, very angry. Even when the abuse stops, the effects keep rolling along. It’s bad enough to be hurt as a child, but have to live for the rest of your life in illness and pain…? NOT FAIR.

This time, I am noticing other emotions creeping in to join the anger. One is amazement that my symptoms have been no worse than they are. I was obese for years but never slipped from pre-diabetic to diabetic. And I have lived for decades with high blood pressure which resulted in several arrythmias and a wonderfully reliable Pacemaker. Decades of depression and obsession with suicide did not lead to self-inflicted death. I am still here.

On the heels of amazement comes gratitude that I have lived as long as I have and have accomplished as much as I have. I am so glad that I have broken the cult rules over and over and lived in opposition to their values. I am glad that my teenage anger fueled rebellion and took me down a path of kindness and beauty. I still wish my childhood had been different and my family had been different, but there is nothing I could do to change it as a child and nothing I can do now to change any part of the past.

I have the present now, though, and a finished blog post, published on time for a change. I have a bright sunny (if chilly) day and a garden to go to, one with flowers that are still blooming. When I come back from the garden, I will return to a kitchen that is almost clean, laundry that is completely clean and half put away, and an exciting project to work on. (The GrassRoots RA/MC Survivors’ Collective.) These things do not erase the anger, but they sure help balance it.


PS I found two articles that discuss the effect of continued stress on the development of unborn babies. Since cult abuse is usually intergenerational, many survivors had mothers who were constantly stressed during pregnancy. 

An Australian study showed that childhood abuse affected the size of the pituitary gland. https://analyzedirect.com/blog/early-life-stress-and-pituitary-gland-development/. If the mother was stressed, the gland was enlarged in both males and females. Chronic stress caused enlarged pituitary glands in females, but not males. Occasional stressful life events did not affect its size.

Here is a long and thorough article, “The Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis: Development, Programming Actions of Hormones, and Maternal-Fetal Interactions.” https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2020.601939/full. It describes in detail the pathway that initiates the response to stress and the pathway that counters the stress reaction. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Upcoming Holidays 

November
11/25 Thanksgiving Day (United States) 
11/28 First Sunday of Advent
11/30 St Andrew’s Day

 December
 Sundays of Advent: 11/28, 12/5, 12/12, 12/19
 12/4 Total Solar Eclipse
 12/18 Full Moon
 12/21 Winter solstice/Yule/St. Thomas’ Day
 12/24 Christmas Eve
 12/25 Christmas Day
 12/31 New Year’s Eve


Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
11/29 -12/16 Chanukah/Hanukkah (Jewish Festival of Lights)

 (NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)

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You can find more information on the following holidays at: 
Thanksgiving – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/
Yule/Winter Solstice – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/ 
Candlemas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/
Valentine’s Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/
Spring Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/
Easter: personal – (for background, see Spring Equinox) –  https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/
Walpurgisnacht/May Eve – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/
Beltane – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/
Mothers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/ 
Fathers’ Day – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/
Summer Solstice (corrected text) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/
Lammas – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/
and https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/ 
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/
Fall Equinox – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/
Halloween (personal) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/ 
Halloween (background) – https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/