About Breeders in Satanic Cults

I’ve been asked to write about the use of girls and women as “breeders” in Satanic cults and what happens to their babies. Since I have no personal experience with this,  I reached out to a fellow survivor who shared her story for publication in the blog.

Some breeders are used to continue the bloodline of important cult members. Some of these babies are raised by their grandparents while others are given to other cult families to raise, perhaps as a reward for service well done. Babies from important bloodlines are not considered expendable and will never be sacrificed or killed by mistake in the process of programming. They are, after all, royalty.

Other breeders produce children who are expendable. Their fetuses or full-term babies are used in sacrifices.  (Occasionally a pregnant woman will be sacrificed.) Older children are killed as a lesson in programming others. “This is what will happen to you if you tell.” “Never care about somebody because you will be made to kill them.” “See how evil you are? You are truly one of us.”

Part of the programming can be to allow the mother to bond to the baby, believing that the child will live and she will be allowed to raise it. Either the baby is taken from the mother, and she never learns what happened to it, or she is made to witness or cause the child’s death.

I have heard of a few happy endings, not many. A couple of woman have been reunited with their daughters after decades. And one brave woman I knew, at the age of seventeen, escaped the cult, gave birth, and managed to protect and raise her child. That, to me, is a true miracle.

 

Here is what my friend wrote me:

I would like to  share a little of my personal experience, if I may.

Looking back, I can say I was a breeder. I did not know the term breeder at the time though I did know by the second baby that there was something different about me. My first baby, at the age of 13, was induced to be born on Christmas Eve. The birth took place in a barn where rituals were held during bad weather. Usually they were held in a secluded wooded area.

I was given a nasty tasting liquid and almost immediately experienced stomach cramps which seemed to go on forever. There were many people from the cult surrounding me, chanting. I remember feeling so scared but not really knowing what was happening…no one explained what was going on, just that something special was going to happen. (I was a naive 13…I went to Catholic schools k-12 and sex and the reproductive system were not discussed as far as I recall. When I started to menstruate I had no idea what was happening. My mother gave me a booklet to read which was very vague).

I was very groggy from being heavily drugged. When the baby came they had me hold it and told me that was my baby girl. At that moment the pieces started to fit together and I realized I had just had a baby. I was heavily drugged again – everything was blurry and trance-like. I was told to get up. I was hurting so bad but made it up (I was on like a bed of hay or straw). They led me to an altar where the baby was laying naked. I started to cry because I knew what came next, I had seen it before. I must have fainted and they drugged me again. Everything was still blurry. They put a large knife in my hand and told me it was time. I went up to the altar where my baby girl was laying naked and crying. They said ”You must give to Satan what is his, NOW!” and I stabbed the baby again and again until it stopped crying. Since it was Christmas Eve I believe this was a ritual to symbolize the killing of the baby Jesus.

This is the first time I have ever put this down on paper. I am getting very sad and tired. The guilt is so strong. I know it was not my fault…I was programmed to do it but it will never be something I can ever forget.

I had became pregnant through incest and planned rape from other cult members. Many of the rapes were taped and used for child pornography purposes. This happened two more times when I had girls and was made to sacrifice them. I was 14 and 15. When I was 17 I had a baby boy. He was whisked away and I never saw him again.

I never got pregnant again …ever.

I moved to another state when I was 19. The cult thought I was so well programmed that I would return by age 31 or sooner. I ended up in a hospital’s Dissociative Unit 2 months before I was to go back for Thanksgiving…I was 30. I spent 6 months in that hospital.

I’ve been in therapy for the last 30 years. I am 59 years old and still in therapy.

It is such an unthinkable practice and so many people think it is all fabricated. Why would we make up such horrendous stories? I would give anything for this to have never happened…to have a different life with children I could love and cherish. It is such a burden to have these memories. It is such a struggle to want to live…what is the point? I hang on to the words of my therapist that by speaking out I am helping to end these horrors. I don’t know how but I must just believe it is so.

 

Upcoming Holidays

March  
3/1 Full Moon
3/20 Spring Equinox
3/24 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan
3/25 Palm Sunday
3/30 Good Friday/Death of Jesus Christ
3/31 Full Moon (Blue Moon)
April
4/1 Easter Sunday
4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/10 Full Moon
4/16 – 4/23 Grand Climax/Da Meur/ (Preparation for sacrifice in some Satanic sects}
4/30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve
May
  
5/1 Beltane/May Day/ Labour Day in Europe
5/13 Mothers’ Day
5/28 Memorial Day
5/29 Full moon

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups
1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany
4/20 Hitler’s birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual birthday, 4/20, and Easter of the current year. His alternate birthday is 4/1 this year.)
4/30 Anniversary of Hitler’s death
(Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lamas, Halloween, solstices, equinoxes, and full moons.)

Never Bad Enough

I’m moving the list of holidays to the end of my posts, because I feel it gets too much emphasis if it is at the beginning. If I received complaints, I’ll reconsider.

 

On the first of January of this year, I wrote a post called “Never Good Enough.” I promised I would write about its evil twin, “Never Bad Enough.” So here we go!

The Oxford English Living Dictionary defines evil as “profound immorality, wickedness, and depravity, especially when regarded as a supernatural force.”

Applying this definition to the goings-on in my cult, my first thought was, “Now who in the world would want another person to be evil?” “And what is evil enough, anyway?” I’m still very naive! Or at least part of me is.

I was raised a Satanist, and we believed that “Satan is the God of Evil.” Human evil is a gift to him, a way of worshiping him, and it pleases him immensely. The absence of evil enrages him and wishy-washy evil infuriates him. When he is pleased by a substantial gift, he rewards the person who gave that gift with material riches and power.

Most parents prefer their children to grow up and be well off, or at least comfortable, in life. They are proud if they are respected, honored, and looked up to. All of these attributes are indicative of power. In that respect, Satanist parents are no different from other parents. In most other senses, they are night-and-day different. Other parents do not think they are doing their children a favor by torturing them.

Now I was raised a good little Satanist, taught to believe that I could please the God of Evil by being as bad as possible and thus grow up to have lots of money, respect, and power.

But just as there are some Christian kids who, deep down, are bored by being good and crave risk and excitement and danger, there are some Satanist kids who, deep down, hate being mean or hurting others. By nature, they are disgusted by destruction and sadism. It’s like they have an innate craving for peace and love and beauty.

Of course these kids don’t shine at learning how to be Satanists. When told to do something, they are slow and sloppy and have to repeat the lesson over and over. They feel like a failure because they are never bad enough. That was me.

Actually, it’s a double bind. If the kids don’t get it right away, they have to repeat it until they are bad enough to satisfy their teachers. If they do it right the first time, they are promoted into having to do something worse. One way or another, they are going to be forced to do evil things, over and over and over.

Yearning to be kind, yet forced to commit cruel acts, my guilt and sense of responsibility for those acts defined me. When I was in the cult, I felt I did not belong, because I was good at the core and therefore could never be bad enough to be a Satanist. When I was free, I felt I did not belong because I was evil at the core and the bad things I did could not be undone or atoned for, no matter how good I was.

Strange paradox, never bad enough to be a Satanist, yet always too bad to be anything else.

 

Upcoming Holidays
February

2/25 Walpurgis Day
March

3/1 Full Moon
3/20 Spring Equinox
3/24 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan
3/30 Good Friday/Death of Jesus Christ
3/31 Full Moon (Blue Moon)
April
4/1 Easter Sunday
4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/10 Full Moon
4/16 – 4/23 Grand Climax/Da Meur/ (Preparation for sacrifice in some Satanic sects}
4/30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve

Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups
4/1 Hitler’s alternate birthday (Easter)
4/20 Hitler’s birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual birthday, 4/20, and Easter of the current year.)
4/30 Anniversary of Hitler’s death
(Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lamas, Halloween, solstices, equinoxes, and full moons.)

Out from the Cult

Upcoming Holidays
May
5/29 Memorial Day
June
6/9 Full Moon 
6/18  Fathers’ Day 

6/20  Summer Solstice
6/23 Midsummer’s Eve
6/23  St John’s Eve
July
7/4  Fourth of July/US Independence Day
7/8  Full Moon
7/25  St. James’ Day/Festival of the Horned God
August
8/1 N Lamas/Lughnasadh
8/7  Full Moon
8/7  Partial lunar eclipse: visible in most of Europe, most of Asia, Australia, Africa, and eastern South America.
8/21 Total solar eclipse: totality visible in parts of Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Nebraska Iowa,  Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, North Carolina, and South Carolina; partially visible in other parts of the United States, Canada, Central America, northern South America, western Europe, and western Africa.
Important dates in Nazi groups
6/6 D-Day: invasion of France in WW2
7/29 Hitler proclaimed leader of the Nazi party

.

born into a neon winter
garish and harsh
colors so bright they flamed
no closing my eyes
nothing to suck
only burning neon flames

grown in a cold cold winter
grey and silent
no movement
no comfort
only me, alone

then oh!
on the horizon
sunflowers, rivers. green hills, sun and sand, soaring gulls, deer,
rabbits, suburbs and suburbs of warm homes, laughter, dancing,
song, beds and food and drink
a plentitude, a plentitude

It was a long road, but I got here.