Childhood Abuse, Long COVID, and Adult Hypertension

There is a new issue of the GrassRoots newsletter coming out this week. Watch for it – it has information on new groups. If you don’t receive it, you can ask to subscribe at

I am getting a cat tomorrow! He is half Turkish Van, just like Baker. Like Baker, he could pass as purebred. His owner lives about 30 miles away and is happy to stay in touch after he moves in with me. His name is Spicy, but I think I will call him Spencer. 

Oh, and there is a Turkish Van Facebook group. It’s been around for ten years and has 4323 members. I guess Vans aren’t as rare as they are made out to be!


Every day, I receive three articles from the Harvard University Gazette. Most aren’t of much interest to me, but this one infuriated me.

“Study Finds Distress Before COVID-19 Infection Increases Risk of Long COVID by 45%.”
By Nicole Rura for the Harvard Chan School of Public Health Communications Department 
September 7, 2022

In this study, distress means psychological distress, including depression, anxiety, worry, perceived stress, and loneliness. How many of us RA/MC survivors have lived even one day of our lives without any of those conditions? I’d like to meet them and find out how they managed it!

I keep stumbling across articles correlating childhood abuse and adult illnesses of all sorts. They absolutely enrage me, and I vent by blogging about them. I’m angry that the abuse may end, but the physical and psychological effects are life-long. I’m angry that this isn’t widely known. If it were, there would be no need for more of these “ground-breaking” studies.

If you were a mess psychologically before you got COVID, you are far more likely to get long COVID. Physical health conditions such as asthma, diabetes, hypertension, cancer, obesity, high cholesterol, and current or past smoking are known risk factors for more severe COVID infections, hospitalizations, and deaths. This study showed that they barely contribute to the development of long COVID. 

Survivors have far more risk factors than other people – including autoimmune diseases. So we are more likely to catch COVID, more likely to be hospitalized, and more likely to die. And now they have found we are more likely to get long COVID. It’s not fair, and it’s not our fault.

Anyway, here are the highlights of the study.

From 4/1/2020 to 5/1/2020, 58,612 members of the ongoing Nurses’ Health Study II, Nurses’ Health Study 3, and the Growing Up Today Study were enrolled in a long COVID study and followed until 1/3/2021. During this time, 3,752 people (6%) reported testing positive for COVID, and 1403 (43.9%) reported post-COVID symptoms. Among these, 86.9% reported symptoms lasting two months or longer, and 55.8% reported at least occasional daily life impairment.

The most common symptoms were fatigue (56.0%), smell or taste problems (44.6%), shortness of breath (25.5%), confusion, disorientation, or brain fog (24.5%), and memory issues (21.8%).

All study members were first asked about their experience of psychological distress, including depression, anxiety, worry, perceived stress, and loneliness.

Psychological distress was associated with an increased risk of long COVID, independent of smoking, asthma, and other health behaviors or physical health conditions. Different kinds of distress were associated with a 32% to 46% increased risk of long COVID and a 15% to 51% greater risk of daily life impairment.

Psychological problems have been associated with a greater risk of more severe COVID (including hospitalization), which, in itself, is a risk factor for long COVID. Other studies show that mental health conditions are associated with greater severity and longer duration of flu and cold symptoms. Still other studies have suggested an association with chronic Lyme disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia, which all have symptoms similar to those of long COVID.

The full article, available online, also discusses possible mechanisms by which psychological factors could contribute to physical illnesses. 

“Associations of Depression, Anxiety, Worry, Perceived Stress, and Loneliness Prior to Infection With Risk of Post–COVID-19 Conditions.”
Wang, Siwen; Quan, Luwei; Chavarro, Jorge E.; Slopen, Natalie; Kubzansky, Laura D.; Koenen, Karestan C.; Kang, Jae Hee; Weisskopf, Marc; Branch-Elliman, Westyn; and Roberts, Andrea L.
JAMA Psychiatry. Published online September 7, 2022


And then, on September 9, this came into my inbox:

“Sensitization of Hypertension: The Impact of Earlier Life Challenges: Excellence Award for Hypertension Research 2021.”
Xue, Baojian and Johnson Alan.

Now, this really hits home. It’s validation that my crazy blood pressure behavior is a direct result of extreme childhood abuse. I’ll share the article with my doctors. Not that it will help them learn how to manage it, but at least it may be a little less of a mystery to them.


My Trip Was Great!

I had a wonderful time and did all the things I wanted to.

Except I didn’t totally detox from the Internet. I used it to read maps, find places to eat, and play music. I felt refreshed, though, as I didn’t check my email once, nor did I look up any RA/MC-associated websites. I did not feel I was cheating and so came home calm, rejuvenated, and free of guilt.


Next-To-Last Reminder – RA/MC Panel at the International Human Trafficking and Social Justice Conference
I will be part of a panel of RA/MC survivors of child sex trafficking. The title of the presentation is “The Interface between Sex Trafficking, Ritual Abuse, and Mind Control Programming.” It will be in two parts. Each part will consist of a recording of the panel discussion followed by live questions and answers. There will be a fifteen-minute break between the two sections. We have the whole afternoon on Thursday, September 22, 2022. Read more about the presentation plus descriptions of all the other presentations at Please come see us in (virtual) person! Survivors should choose the “Free Attendee Registration” option and remember to write for the registration code number. Register at


Upcoming Holidays
October 10/9 Full Moon 10/10 Columbus Day 10/13 Backward Halloween 10/25 Partial solar eclipse visible in Europe, the Urals, Western Siberia, the Middle East, India, Western Asia, and northeast Africa. 10/31 Halloween/start of Celtic New Year/start of the dark half of the year November 11/1 All Saints’ Day 11/2 All Souls’ Day 11/4 Satanic Revels 11/7 – 8 Total lunar eclipse visible in North and East Europe, Asia, Australia, North America, much of South America, and Antarctica. 11/ 8 Full Moon (Blood Moon) 11/11 (?) Veterans’ Day 11/24 Thanksgiving Day (United States) 11/27 First Sunday of Advent 11/30 St Andrew’s Day Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups  10/1 Lammas Early August through October: Various preparations are done in readiness for October, the month with the largest number of celebrations. 9/2  Autumnal equinox, “Fall Festival.” 10/16 Death of Rosenburg, a Nazi leader in World War II. (Many Nazi leaders were captured and scheduled for trial in late September and early October. Most of them killed themselves prior to trial.) 10/17 Hitler’s alternate half birthday (6 months from Easter, 2022) 10/19 Death of Hermann Goering, a Nazi leader in World War II. 10/20 Hitler’s half-birthday 10/31 – 11/1 Halloween 11/9 Beer Hall Putsch rebellion, the date Hitler declared the Nazi party the leaders of Germany. A few years later, in 1938, Krystalnacht, (the “Night of Broken Glass”) happened on this date.


You can find more information on the following holidays at: Candlemas – Valentine’s Day Beltane – Mothers’ Day – Fathers’ Day Summer Solstice (corrected text) – Lammas – and Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 – Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 – Fall Equinox – Halloween (personal) Halloween (background) – Thanksgiving – Yule/Winter Solstice – https://ritua

COVID Risk-Taking and Childhood Trauma

Last Announcement of the Poetry Reading!!!!

To attend, get a free ticket through Eventbrite at

We hope to see you all on

Saturday, February 19 at 4 – 5:30 PM Pacific Time  n
5 – 6:30 PM Mountain Time
6 – 7:30 PM Central Time
7 – 8:30 PM East Coast Time
Sunday, February 20 at 9 – 10:30 AM Melbourne, Australia Time


Blog Entry Schedule

I have been posting blog entries on the 10th, 20th, and 30th of the month. Until recently, when it tends to be the 11th, 21st, and 31st (or 1st) of the month. Rather than fuss over such a minor thing three times a month, I have decided to post them on the 10th, 20th, and 30th, give or take two days. Permission granted to change my mind at any time.


COVID Risk-Taking and Childhood Trauma – U.K. researchers found that adverse childhood experiences played a role.”

The entire original article is at:

Is anybody really very surprised?

I have noticed that survivors who were used in medical experiments and those that were given drugs by injection are less apt to be trusting of the official CDC COVID information, more apt to be against being vaccinated, and more apt to feel that their freedom was being taken away by mask mandates, lock-downs, etc. They are also less frightened by COVID than those that have not had these experiences.

As one of my friends said, “I have done my time as a lab rat.”

I find this totally understandable. Rather than criticizing my friends, I feel grateful I did not have those experiences. I worry about them a lot. (However, I worry about everybody a lot these days.) In turn, they worry about my decisions.

I make very different choices. I wear N95 masks and am mostly self-isolated. I believe that Omicron causes more breakthrough infections than Delta or the original virus. I believe that even though Omicron is, on average, less severe than Delta, and many people don’t even know they have it, there still are plenty of severe cases and deaths. And I believe that older people and those with certain pre-existing conditions are more likely to get seriously sick than the young and healthy. Finally, I am 100% sure that I am no longer young and healthy. (I have five conditions that are counted as major risk factors.)

I can understand why, if I had been used for years in medical experiments, I would feel the same way as my anti-vaccine friends. I would probably fear that all of COVID was a wide-reaching government experiment and that we were being lied to right and left. I would probably think that some of my friends didn’t believe this because they had not broken their programming. They act like timid little sheep because they have been tortured in other ways, and those experiences have made them very risk-averse and afraid to the point of paranoia.

Admission: I see myself as being risk-averse to the point of paranoia. I am cautious, and that is great. But I feel I am ridiculously over-cautious, which is not great at all. It’s like I am living in an all-pervasive never-ending flashback, afraid of everything all the time, just the way I was as a kid.

Still, I’m a lot better than I used to be. There have been times when I was agoraphobic to the max. I had a useful mantra, “It’s okay. They aren’t going to gun you down – it’s bad for business.” It made me giggle, which weakened the spell. Another mantra was, “You are a grown woman with a charge card, a full tank of gas, and you know how to ask directions. You will be fine.” It didn’t make me laugh, but it was so obviously true that it helped in a different way.

When the agoraphobia was at its worst, I was so paralyzed with fear that I would be sitting in one room, unable to get up and go into another one. Nothing I said to myself helped except, “Oh fuck, just do it.”

I figured that I could see everything in that one room, that little space, and there was nothing dangerous. But I had no idea what was just out of sight. I could turn a corner and my safety could immediately evaporate. It had happened so often – how could I be sure it wouldn’t happen again? Over the years, the fear lessened, I don’t know why – Perhaps it was due simply to the passage of time. Whatever the reason, I am sure glad it’s better now! Not all gone, but a hell of a lot better!

This is a damned-if-you-do/damned-if-you-don’t situation. The abuse made some of us overly afraid of the government and underly afraid of COVID, and it made others overly trusting of the government and overly afraid of COVID. 


Back to the article that prompted those thoughts.

ACES means “Adverse Childhood Events.” In 1998, Vincent Felitti, Robert Anda et al. published “Relationship of Childhood Abuse and Household Dysfunction to Many of the Leading Causes of Death in Adults.” This article became known as “The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study.”

The ACES studied were:
physical abuse;
exual abuse;
emotional abuse;
domestic abuse;
living with someone who was mentally ill;
living with someone who abused alcohol or drugs;
and incarceration of an adult member of the household.

There are many other “adverse events” that can befall a child, of course, but these seven have been the subject of many subsequent studies. 

Here is the original article that set me off: “Associations between Adverse Childhood Experiences, Attitudes towards COVID-19 Restrictions and Vaccine Hesitancy: A Cross-Sectional Study.” Mark A Bellis, Karen Hughes, et al

Everybody over 18 in Wales with a phone was asked to take a survey between December, 2020 and March 2021, the period when all but essential workers were under lock-down. 36% of those people responded (2603.) Those that did not answer all questions were excluded from the study.  

The remaining 2285 subjects were questioned about their zip code (an estimate of socioeconomic status), age, and gender. 

They were also asked:
If they had experienced any ACES;
if had they had or currently have COVID;
and if they had or currently have: cancer, type 2 diabetes, coronary heart disease, heart attack, stroke, chronic bronchitis, emphysema, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or asthma.

And their opinions on:
how trustworthy was the National Health Service’s information about COVID;
whether they felt unfairly restricted by the government;
vaccine hesitancy;
whether mask mandates should be abolished;
whether social distancing should be abolished;
and whether they had broken COVID restrictions.

Of the responders, 51% reported no ACES, 21% reported 1, 16% reported 2 or 3, and 10% reported 4 or more.

A high ACE score, poverty, and youth all increased distrust, feeling mistreated by the government, vaccine hesitancy, being opposed to social distancing and mask mandates, and breaking restrictions.

I’ll just give some figures for high ACE scores:
mistrust of NHS: high ACEs three times as likely as no ACES;
unfair restrictions: high ACEs more than twice as likely as no ACES;
abolish social distancing high ACEs more than three times as likely as no ACES;
abolish mandatory masking: high ACEs four times as likely as no ACES;
broken COVID restrictions: high ACEs twice as likely as no ACES;
and vaccine hesitancy: high ACEs four times as likely as no ACES.

It makes sense to me. If a child is mistreated or deprived, there will be consequences in adulthood. As an adult, there would be a greater chance of mistrusting others, especially those in authority. The only thing that surprised me in these results is that more people did not break the lock-down restrictions, even every now and then! I know I did.

There is something else that surprises me, and that is I continue to react with outrage whenever I come across an article correlating disease with childhood trauma. You would think by now I would only notice articles that find no correlation at all. 

What??? The cult is not responsible for Lyme Disease??? Or crocodile/wildcat/mosquito bites??? I am amazed!!! They lied when they said that they were all-powerful!!! And if they couldn’t do any evil thing they wanted, I certainly couldn’t, either. Not even by mistale. It is not my fault, after all.


Upcoming Holidays

2/14 Valentine’s Day
2/12 (?) Lincoln’s Birthday
2/16 Full Moon
2/21 (?) Presidents’ Day/Washington’s birthday
2/25 Walpurgis Day

3/1 Shrove Tuesday/ Mardi Gras
3/1 St David’s Day (patron saint of Wales)
3/2 Ash Wednesday/beginning of Lent
3/1 St. Eichstadt’s Day
3/17 St. Patrick’s Day (patron saint of Ireland)
3/18 Full Moon
3/21 Spring Equinox

4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/10 Palm Sunday
4/14 Maundy Thursday (commemoration of the Last Supper)
4/15 Good Friday
4/16 Holy Saturday
4/16 Full Moon
4/17 Easter Sunday

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups

3/17-18 Purim (Deliverance of the Jewish people from Haman in Persia)
4/15-4/23 Passover/Pesach (Celebration of the deliverance of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt.)

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)


You can find more information on the following holidays at:

Candlemas –
Valentine’s Day –
Spring Equinox –
Easter: personal (for background, see Spring Equinox) –
Walpurgisnacht/May Eve –
Beltane –
Mothers’ Day –
Fathers’ Day –
Summer Solstice (corrected text) –
Lammas –
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 –
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 –
Fall Equinox –
Halloween (personal) – 
Halloween (background) –
Thanksgiving –
Yule/Winter Solstice – 

Running from Weirdness

This is the weirdest thing that I have experienced in a very long time. 

Okay, the other day I was lying in bed in the middle of the night. I was thinking some very strange things and I said to myself that I better stop thinking about them or I never would get back to sleep again. But I couldn’t stop. I thought I might be dreaming, but the thoughts were much too coherent for a dream. I finally got up and went to the bathroom and my mind cleared and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

I didn’t write it down immediately, so I have forgotten a few parts, but I remember almost all of it. That is odd because my dreams usually fade as I wake up and are completely gone by the time I get out of bed.

There were four main characters, a young single mother, her son, a dog, and a postman. The mother wasn’t me, but she was the person I most identified with. She did the worrying for everybody.

The woman was getting ready to take her two-year-old out for a walk. She picked up her jacket but dropped it before she could put it on. When she turned to pick it up, she saw it was in a plastic bag, one like dry cleaners use, and that the dress she had worn the day before was also in the bag. Bewildered, she checked to see what she was wearing and it was a different dress, the dress she had put on that morning. She looked at her baby and found he was now a four-year-old. The boy said, “Let’s go!” So she put on her jacket, took his hand, and…

noticed that the window was missing. And the door. And the floor. They were floating in mid-air. “This is really weird,” she thought. Somehow she managed to get outside, holding the little boy’s hand tightly. She noticed that her shoes were missing. “I’ll get them,” the child said. He went back to get them and she waited quite a long time. He came back and gave her the shoes – yellow sandals. She put them on and turned to give him her hand, but he wasn’t there.

Panicked, she looked around. He had run on ahead and was lying on the ground, not moving, with a large dog standing over him. She ran toward him and her shoes fell off and she lost them again. She was sure he was dead, that the dog had killed him. It was her fault, she hadn’t been holding his hand. Her baby, and now he was dead. She started to cry.

When she got near him, he sat up. He smiled at her and said, “Don’t cry, I’m all right.” The dog said, “We are friends.” “Yes,” the boy said, “we are friends.” She was so relieved that she sat down next to him, gave him a big hug, and patted the dog. The dog said, “Now we are friends, too.” She thought a talking dog was a bit weird, but she was so happy she didn’t care.

They sat there a while, the three of them, talking and playing. Then she decided they had better get further away from the weird place that had been their home. She got up and said, “Let’s go.” “Can he come, too? asked the boy.”If he wants to.” “Of course I want to be with my friends, not all alone.” said the dog. The three of them started walking quickly away from the weird place.

After a while, they saw other people walking or, if they could, running, in the same direction. She asked where they were going but they were all out of breath and they looked very scared and they didn’t answer. She figured they were running from the weirdness. She didn’t run because she didn’t have any shoes and running would hurt her feet.

After a while, they came to a four-lane road. Two lanes were jammed with traffic going away from the weird place and there were no cars in the two lanes going toward it. She thought the traffic would go faster if the cars used all four lanes. After a while, three cars pulled off onto the shoulder of the road. The drivers got out and asked if she was okay and asked if they needed a ride. The two of them were welcome, but they didn’t want to take the dog. They imagined him sitting in the back seating drooling and didn’t want him to mess up their car. 

Since the dog was their friend, she said, “No thank you, we are fine.” The people got back in their cars, merged into the traffic and the three of them kept walking. After a while, they got tired of the smell of the cars and took a small road that led into a street that was parallel to the road. There was nobody else on the street.

They walked a long, long time and got very tired and hungry and thirsty. They found a shady place under a tree and sat down to rest. 

The woman noticed two houses on a little hill. She told her son and the dog to stay there and she would try and get some food and water. She went up to the first house and rang the doorbell. An old woman came to the door and shouted, “What do you want?” When the woman told her that they were hungry and thirsty, the old woman shouted, “I am not going to open my door to you and I am not giving you any of my food or water.” 

The woman thought she was scared. Maybe she knew about the weirdness and was hiding in her house. So she said, “I am sorry I bothered you,” and went to the next house. There, nobody answered the bell. 

She peered in the window. She saw that things in the house were disappearing. First a chair, then a table, then a lamp, then the ceiling. She got scared and went back to the tree with nothing to give the hungry child and the dog.

She sat downed and burst into tears. The weirdness was moving as fast as they were – they wouldn’t be able to run fast enough to get away from it. The little boy crawled into her lap and hugged her and the dog put his head on her leg. She felt a little better.

Just then a postman came up. He had been delivering letters to the two houses. He asked why she was crying and the boy told him. “She is crying because we are hungry and she tried to get food and water and she couldn’t get any for us.”

The postman said, “Oh, you are hungry? Stay here, I will be right back.’

He came back with a tray with meat and potatoes and plates and knives and forks. All three thanked him and the mother started eating with a knife and fork and the boy started eating with his hands and the dog ate with his mouth. There was also water to drink and two glasses and a bowl.

When they had finished, the postman gathered up the plates and put them on the tray. The boy said, “Where is dessert?” The postman said,”I will be right back.” He took away the dishes and came back with dessert on the tray.

The dessert was little ice cream pies. The boy picked up one, broke it in two, ate the part in his left hand, and gave the other half to the dog. The dog ate it and sat there looking at the other pies. When they had finished the pies, the dog said, “That was good. But why did you always eat your half before you gave me mine?”

There was no logical answer, so the woman said, “Maybe it has something to do with hands. He used his hands to break them in half.” The dog said, “I want hands.” The boy took off the dog’s paws, then took off his hands and put them on the dog’s front legs. He then put the paws on his arms. He asked the postman if they could have some more dessert. The postman said, “Of course!”

First, the dog gave the woman a whole pie. Then he broke one in half, ate his half, and gave the other half to the boy. The dog did this with all the other pies. When they were all gone, he said, “I am very full.” The boy said, “Me too.” The woman said she was also full, too, and thanked the postman once again. The postman said that it made him very happy to be able to give them a good meal. 

He picked up the dishes and left. The dog and the boy traded hands and paws. At first, the boy put his hands on upside down. His mother told him to take them off and turn them around before he put them back on. The boy was a little worried that the hands might have gotten stuck but they came off easily and he put them on the right way. Then he put the paws back on the dog. Now the boy had human hands again and the dog had doggie paws again.

They rested a little while and then got up and resumed fleeing the weirdness. They didn’t know where they were going but they did know they didn’t want to be back there.

~~~~~~~~ ~~

These are some things I learned from the “dream:”

You can run from weirdness but you can’t hide from it. Get used to it!

The world is very weird because of the pandemic. Some days it feels like my front door has disappeared. 

There are nice people in the world! And in my dreams! Three nice people and a nice dog. Even more, counting the nice drivers in the cars who stopped to see if they could help.

Mean people are often scared people.

You can see how far you have come in your journey but you have no idea where you are going.

If you want to meet a postman with dessert, take a side street.


Upcoming Holidays


9/20 Full moon 

9/22 Fall Equinox 

9/29 Michaelmas/Feast of Archangel Michael and of all Angels


10/11 (?) Columbus Day

10/13 Backward Halloween

10/20 Full Moon

10/31 Halloween/start of Celtic New Year/start of the dark half of the year


11/1 All Saints’ Day

11/2 All Souls’ Day

11/4 New Moon

11/4 Satanic Revels

11/11 (?) Veterans’ Day

11/18-19 Partial Lunar Eclipse

11/19 Full Moon

11/25 Thanksgiving Day (United States)

11/28 First Sunday of Advent

11/30 St Andrew’s Day

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups

9/16 Yom Kippur (Jewish Day of Atonement) 

9/21 – 9/27 Sukkot (Feast of Tabernacles, Jewish harvest festival

10/4 Hitler’s alternate half-birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual half-birthday, 10/20, and his alternate half-birthdate six months after Easter, which falls on 4/4 this year.)

10/16 Death of Rosenburg

10/19 Death of Goering

10/20 Hitler’s half-birthday

11/9 Kristallnacht

11/29 -12/16 Chanukah/Hanukkah (Jewish Festival of Lights)

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)


You can find more information on the following holidays at: 

Fall Equinox –

Halloween (personal) – 

Halloween (background) –

Thanksgiving –

Yule/Winter Solstice – 

Candlemas –

Valentine’s Day –

Spring Equinox –

Easter: personal – (for background, see Spring Equinox) –

Walpurgisnacht/May Eve –

Beltane –

Mothers’ Day –

Fathers’ Day –

Summer Solstice (corrected text) –

Lammas –


Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 –

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 –