Personal Safety – Your Home

The most important thing you can do (I sound like a broken record) is to make sure that all of your insiders are on the same page. If 99% of y’all want your home to be safe and secure from intruders, and one child part opens the door on cue, your efforts will have been in vain. Having said that, let’s go through some of the more common things you can do to make your home secure.

I assume most of us rent and will have to get the landlord’s permission to install anything permanent. If you are lucky, you may be successful in making the argument that safety improvements will add to the value of the property and protect it from physical damage. If not, you will have to make do with simple methods that make no physical changes to the apartment.

Make sure the landlord has changed the locks when you move in. Don’t loan anybody your keys, and if you do, re-key the locks.

There are affordable alarms (many under $10.00) that sound when doors or windows are opened.  (Look over a site like for ideas.) You can take them with you when you move or visit somebody. I doubt I could use them, though, because it would be next to impossible for me to remember that they are there. The neighbors or the police do not take kindly to have alarms blaring several times a week.

One survivor I knew sprinkled corn starch by the door before she went to bed. First thing each morning, she checked for footprints. She never found any, but it was very reassuring.

If you are allowed to have pets, dogs afford some degree of protection. Small yappy dogs are better at deterring intruders than large silent ones. You may have many “false alarms” which could drive both you and the neighbors nuts.

Getting to know your neighbors is a huge plus. There is one nosy old lady on our block who spends a lot of her time looking out the window. She’s a one-person crime watch. She has called people to tell them that there is somebody suspicious checking out their house and she has also opened her window and yelled at somebody she thought might be breaking into a car.

If you only get to know one person, pick the busy-body. A small gift, like a plate of brownies, will bring you extra attention. If there is a Neighborhood Crime Watch, join it, read its literature, and attend meetings. Even though it is hard to trust people, remember that the chances of a neighbor belonging to the cult are extremely low. You are safer being known by your neighbors than by keeping a low profile.

If you own your own home, there are additional things you can do. Install motion-sensitive lights and a security camera – or a fake one. Check the landscaping for places an intruder could hide. Plant fast-growing rose bushes or other thorny shrubs under windows. Install iron grates over ground-floor windows. Check the Internet for ways to mechanically secure sliding glass doors and windows.

Last but not least, install and use a deadbolt on your front door. Google “home safety intruders” for more ideas on how to secure windows and doors. Most are simple enough to be installed by those of us who are not mechanically-minded.

I’m going to end by suggesting that you invite your child alters to be part of the project and explain each step you are taking to make everybody safer. Invite them to ask questions and tell them that this is a new way to protect everybody, including the body. They don’t have do it the old way anymore. It’s also a good idea to teach them not to fool with the alarms because the sound will scare everybody, inside and out. And be sure to explain things more than once! It takes time for kids to absorb new information.

Book Review: Dear Little Ones

Dear Little Ones: Dissociative Identity Disorder for Young Alters. Written by Jade Miller and illustrated by Germán Zaninetti. CreateSpace, 2015. Available from Createspace and Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats.

Jade is a blogger and an artist. She is a polyfragmented Satanic ritual abuse survivor who wrote this book to help all inner children who are lonely and scared.

Germán Zaninetti is an illustrator living in Argentina. He prefers to work on mythological themes (mostly Greek and Egyptian), but also feels comfortable with child themes.

It’s hard for me to review this book. I would rather just quote the whole thing so that you can see how gentle and loving it is. Frankly, it brings tears to my eyes.

What I like best about the book is that it empowers child alters. Often decisions are made for them by more powerful alters, by the part currently in charge, or by a therapist or other helper. Hopefully those decisions are made with love and caring, so that the child alters can experience some healthy reparenting. But their lack of power when other people are telling them what to do can’t help but be a repetition of a large part of the cult experience.

Jade takes a really different approach. She starts by telling the child alters that it wasn’t their fault. “No matter what happened, no matter what anyone told you, it was not your fault.” And she tells them how wonderful they are.

She then explains the creation of alters. “But because of those things that happened, other people needed to be born on the inside in order to help the body stay alive.”  Some stayed young, others grew older. She tells the child alters they get to choose whether they grow older or stay the same.

Jade suggests that they explore inside and see if they can find other children to be friends with, older people to help them and explain things to them. She tells them she might find scary people inside, too. They are trying to help in their own way. She suggests that the children be kind to them because they are hurting, too. “In time, as people are nice to them, they will feel better and learn other ways to help and how to be friends.”

That’s true. If inside people are nice to parts that frighten them, those parts change. But I have never heard (that I remember) anyone telling child alters that they can do this, even without a PhD. Talk about empowerment!

After explaining outside people who are helpers and giving the child alters suggestions on how to stay grounded when they feel overwhelmed, Jade comes back to the theme of choice. They get to choose things that make them feel better.

The ending is like a blessing: “I wish all and only good things for you as you continue to take steps that will bring you into a life of truth and joy and peace.

I am with you in my heart, and I am cheering for you.

Love, Jade”

Jade and friends
Jade and friends

You can get to know Jade at her blog:  and her Facebook page:  If you want to write her, her address is

You can email Germán at

Explaining Flashbacks to Littles.

t’s always hard to explain sophisticated psychological concepts to children, whether they are inner or outer children. It’s hard enough to explain them to adults, but with kids you have to match your words to their age and keep things really simple.

Kids do much better, however, when they know what is happening. They may hate it, but they don’t feel wild and crazy and totally panicked.

Here’s something I wrote in, I believe, 2002.

“This is what grown-ups call a flashback. It feels yucky. It’s something we are remembering. Once long ago we forgot it, and now we are remembering. It isn’t happening now. It just feels like it is because the memory is so strong. But that’s okay. It’s like the mind is burping up a memory. Burp! It feels better after you burp.”


It’s not quite right for little kids. It needs elaboration, and needs breaks for questions. Here’s a rewrite:

“I’m going to explain something to the littles. Anybody can listen if they want to. Nobody has to listen.”

“You are having what grown-ups call a flashback. I can explain it to you. Do you want to hear about them?”

“Okay, fine. You are remembering something that happened to you. Once long ago you forgot it, and now you are remembering. It’s pretty terrible, isn’t it? Do you have any questions?”

“It isn’t happening now, it’s a memory. The memory is so strong that it feels like it is happening right now. That’s why it is called a flashback — the memory is coming back in a flash. After you have had some more flashbacks of this memory, you will understand that it is a memory like any other memory and you won’t be so scared.”

“Here’s a funny way of thinking about it — it’s like a burp. Your mind is burping up a memory. It feels better after you burp.”

If older inner kids are listening, they won’t feel talked down to because they know it’s in language the littles can easily understand. And, of course, both older kids and adults can understand it, too.

Since kids don’t get things right away, it’s a good idea to repeat it each time you recognize a flashback.