Blogger’s Block

There is background information about the spring equinox and Easter at

I can’t think of a thing to say, so I shall say, “I can’t think of a thing to say.” Unfortunately, I have writer’s block.

I think this is because I am coming down from a couple of weeks of anxiety and dentists and irrational guilt. It’s somewhat better today. I can feel the anxiety starting to go out of me like a tide that has just turned. As it ebbs, there will be barnacles and starfish and interesting rocks to write about, but for now, the waters are still too high.

So I am going ask you-all for some feedback about this blog. I hope you don’t mind questions!

Rather than write me personally, please use the comments section so that we can get some conversations going.

1. Here’s a big one for me, because it influences the content of the booklet on Satanic holidays that I’m working on. Do you find the ritual calendar helpful?

If you do, did you like it better the old way ( if you can remember that far back). For years I put the dates of all the bad days I knew about on one calendar. Last year I thought it looked too crowded and so I only included the major Satanic holidays and listed out important dates of all the major religions afterwards. Now I worry that it gives the impression that there are very few dates that Satanists observe. The truth is that different Satanic sects add on extra days – they pick and choose. Christian holy days are the most popular.

You see, I plan to write an introduction for the booklet that explains what the Satanic calendar is all about and then put in the calendar. Since it will be an ebook, I can change the calendar every year. Haven’t figured out what to do about print books, though.

2. Do you think the “Coming Events” page is useful? I imagine that most of you are too broke to consider a conference, and besides, those you would like to attend are too far away or conducted in a language you don’t speak. So “Coming Events” might end up being more frustrating than helpful.

It’s there because I have compiled such a list for about twenty years and it has become a habit, like getting dressed in the morning.

3. What would you like me to write about? I’ll try, but I can’t promise I’ll have anything useful or even coherent to say. Being given a topic and knowing that somebody cared about the subject would help wake up the writing fairy.

I have a parking fairy and a driving fairy, too.  I love all three immensely. The parking fairy can’t see a way to help keep the blog running smoothly and is sad.

4. Is there anything I should have asked, but didn’t?


The Versatile Bloggers Award

Much to my surprise, I got nominated for the Versatile Bloggers Award by Sandra, who blogs at  Sandra thinks deeply and writes beautifully; hers was the first blog I decided to follow. I’m floored that she wanted to nominate me! I understand why she is a versatile blogger, since she writes about all sorts of things. But this blog is all about RA, except for this post and one with a cat video, so I don’t feel all that versatile.

To accept, I have to share seven little-known facts about me

1. I have an extra bone in each thumb.
2. I don’t like to write.
3. I have a parking fairy whose cousin is a driving fairy.
4. I used to be able to do crossword puzzles in Italian.
5. I’m tone deaf.
6.  I once built a three-story doll house. (There’s a lot of deferred maintenance by now).
7.  In my home, most problems are caused by the garden gnomes.

I get to nominate fifteen other bloggers for the award. It’s going to be heavy on RA and DID!

If you are on this list, here are the rules:

1. If you have been nominated, create a post to thank that person. Link your post back to their blog.
2. Nominate 15 other bloggers that you believe deserve this award. Link back to their blog. Notify them to let them know of the nomination.
3. Share 7 little known facts about yourself.
4. Have fun!

TA DA Here are my nominees!

1.     (A list of about 150 blogs on dissociation.)
3.   and
5.    (in Swedish)
8. (in French)
12. (everything a writer needs for support)

Easter Blues

There is some information on the background of Easter at “The Spring Equinox” —

On a good day, I don’t much like to write. This is because I once had a job as a technical writer, and the engineers who had to sign off on my work were impossible. They didn’t think it was important, so they tossed it on their desks and ignored it. I had to nag them mercilessly. Finally, they would glance through it and hand it back. I dealt with that by putting ridiculous things in several places to catch their attention. It caught their attention but also annoyed them no end. They got back at me by criticizing my choice of words, my every comma. That sure took all the joy out of doing a good job.

Now the days before Easter are not good days. The Internal Committee of Annoyed Engineers is joined by a large group of cult people telling me not to talk, not to write, not to let anybody know what went on. Their threats drown out the relatively reasonable voices of the engineers. I have, therefore, written nothing for this blog entry until the last minute. (Oh, and then I forgot to post it!) I wish I had gotten it over with a week ago, but I didn’t.

To add to my misery, I did something to my back and it hurts when I stand, walk, or lie down. I’m confined to the chair in front of the computer; my writer’s block is therefore always right in front of me. Plus, I have cabin fever and am quite grumpy.

I haven’t forgotten, though, that it used to be much, much worse. I remember the endless nightmares, the body memories, the terrible images that flashed in front of my eyes at random times. I remember being afraid of everybody and everything and feeling suicidal day and night. I thought “This will be my life from now on, and I do not think I can bear it one more minute.”

I was wrong; that wasn’t my life, it was “just a phase” of my life. If somebody had told me that, it would have taken a lot of self-control not to scream at them that they didn’t know what they were talking about and they were cruel to tell me such a blatant lie. When you are in so much pain, a second expands into eternity and the idea of possible change disappears. But slowly, the pain abates and things shift and you wake up one day and realize that things are different.

I am grateful for the changes — grateful that I am not suicidal, grateful that I am not flooded with flashbacks, and grateful that the things that are bothering me are minor annoyances. It’s normal to have writer’s block and a bad back and I know that and welcome the peace that has come to replace the agony.

I hope all of you had an easier time of these hard days than you did in the beginning and that next year it will be still a little easier.