Animal Rape, Part 2


He hasn’t done anything new or spectacular in the last ten days, except for being sooo cute! He comes up to me and puts his paws on my knee when he wants to be petted or when he is hungry. I hope he will hop up on my lap someday and find he likes it.

Saying Goodbye to WordPress

My friend Rishi is setting up a blog at SquareSpace. She says it is much easier than WordPress and is fun to work with! And it does the SEO automatically. I don’t understand how that could be possible, but we shall see. If all goes well, this may be the last post on the WordPress blog. Or the next to last!

This blog will remain on the Web, so you can always read back articles. I plan to republish the most popular articles, along with a couple that I believe should be popular but aren’t. The new blog will look like this, with a new picture in the header every so often. (I’m change-aversive.)

Animal Rape, Part 2

I figured out what percentage of my readers experienced being abused by animals based on the number of people disclosing in the comments, the number of followers, and the number of visitors to the article. It came to 0.5% for followers and 4% for viewers. 

The odds of these numbers being too high are very low but the odds of them being too low are quite good. Even a thousandth of a percent, though, would break my heart. So I decided to continue writing about it in case Mr. Google mistakes it for the next viral topic. (Thank goodness I can still laugh.)

Categories do not usually have tight boundaries; on close inspection, they seem to blend into each other. So it is with animal rape and bestiality. Animal rape is a form of bestiality. It is weaponizing the animal to bring pain and fear to another human being. The animal is used to force sex on the child, just as a stick or gun barrel is used for penetration.

I think it is reasonable to assume that anything that is done to an animal in a cult setting is terribly traumatic for a child. Seeing an animal tortured or killed, whether it be in a ritual sacrifice, an experiment, or at a “party” will leave a huge wound. The animal is smaller and has far less power than the adults, and it is not lost on a child that they, too, are small and powerless to defend themselves. And what if the child loves that animal? It might have been a puppy or kitten that they were allowed to feed and pet before it was killed. 

Since children identify with animals through size and strength, they can easily imagine that they could be treated as the animal is being treated. I still remember the scene in “When Rabbit Howls” when the family is driving along a rural road, the mother at the wheel. She spots a rabbit and stops the car so that they can watch it. The father grabs his gun and shoots it. Trudi immediately makes the connection: “If he could do that to a bunny rabbit he could do that to me.” Why did he do it? Not for a sacrifice, not for the blood, and not for the meat. He did it because he could.

Seeing animals being abused in any way is traumatic for a child. Seeing them being raped is horrifying. Seeing a child rape an animal brings the realization that they may be the next one coerced into sexually attacking an animal. Seeing a child being forced to endure being licked on the genitals or penetrated by an animal is equally if not more horrifying. (When I imagine these scenes, I identify with the animal when the abuse is by adults, but I identify with both the animal and the child regardless of whether the child is cast as the perpetrator or the victim.)

So how can we heal from these things? The same way we heal from everything else. We cry, we throw up, we wash our face and get some sleep. We journal and draw and talk to our parts. We tell the little child that we once were, now frozen in that moment of long-ago horror, that it is over. We say it wasn’t their fault, ever, and we love them. 

And, if we can, we find somebody who can bear to hear what happened. We need somebody to believe us and can tell us that our reactions were normal back then and are normal now. We need to hear that we weren’t given a choice, we were forced into doing it, and all the blame and the shame belongs to the people who made us do that. And yes, we need validation, we need to hear that it happened to others, too. 

If we are very lucky, we may meet another person who had something similar happen and who wants to talk about it. Each believes the other, even if they don’t completely believe themselves. Each sees the other as blameless, even if they are wracked with guilt. 

The other person serves as a mirror, in a way. Except that the image we see is innocent and blameless. After a while, it occurs to us that we, too, might be innocent. We might truly not be to blame, and we can allow ourselves to lay down our burden of guilt.

I want to say one more thing about dealing with animal rape and other forms of abuse using animals. Chances are that you have remembered other things before this came into your consciousness. You already have tools to deal with it – what worked in the past will, in all probability, work again. You are the expert in what you need to grieve, to understand what happened to you, and to recognize the lies they told you and made you believe through their actions. You have done it before, and you can do it again.

Animal Rape

An Apology

I realize, today, that I thought I had posted this and I hadn’t. I’m not sure why – it may have been the subject, it may have been Candlemas, it may have been brain fog from low blood pressure, or it may have been all of the above. Whatever the explanation, I am sorry.

Tech Challenges: SEO and Platforms

I made a commitment to check out SquareSpace. I’m in luck – a friend has an account and has offered to show me how it works. She also said she could format things I write and then export them into my blog. I have not decided to commit to making a change. I have, though, made a commitment to explore alternatives. It’s open-ended – no deadline!

As for SEO, I am hoping to find something that is written in clear English for beginners. I have a feeling I could do a few simple things to make my page more appealing to the search engines, but what I really need is somebody who knows what they are doing. As Bob Dylan said, “It ain’t me, babe, it ain’t me you’re looking for.”


I woke up in the middle of the night to muffled banging. I looked around, and, with what ambient light I had, found the source of the strange noise.

It was Spencer doing acrobatics on the cat tree. There is a hole in the top layer, and he was doing circles around the perimeter of the hole. Across, down, across, up, across, down, across, up again. The whole time, his tail was waving around like a dog’s. If it’s for balance, it doesn’t work very well, because he often loses his grip. Sometimes he catches himself, sometimes he has to turn in midair to land on the floor on all four feet. When he saw that I was watching, he stopped and sat quietly on the top tier, next to the hole, radiating dignity.

Animal Rape

I was reading blogs randomly and came across “Blooming Lotus: Journey to Recovery from Childhood Abuse” by Faith Allen. Among the categories, polyfragmentation first caught my attention, then animal rape. There is a lot about polyfragmentation in my blog, but not a single mention of animal rape. So I figured it was about time to write about it.

This may be more graphic than usual. It also may have a more immediate effect on you, as it is not a topic that is often talked about. Breaking a secret is always huge!

Animal rape shouldn’t be confused with bestiality, which is sex between humans and animals. Forty-eight of the fifty states have laws against having sex with an animal; New Mexico, West Virginia, and the District of Columbia lack laws. (This article has interesting information on laws and sentencing in all the states.

Bestiality is usually practiced alone, but sometimes in group settings, such as during cult activities. When Googling, a fair number of comedy pieces appear, and also a lot of music. I didn’t listen to any, so I can’t tell you anything about it, except that the covers are pretty gory.

I had not heard the term “animal rape” before reading Faith’s blog, although I instantly knew what it was. It means forced sexual contact with an animal, not attacking an animal sexually. It can occur in any setting where other forms of child rape occur.

Since rape means forcing sex upon another against their will, it seems pretty clear to me that humans can rape animals. But can animals rape humans? I don’t think animals are tuned in to humans enough to know whether sex, on the human’s part, is willing or non-willing. So I would say, no, animals can’t rape humans.

Certainly, an animal may be used by a human to rape another human – that is, to have sex against the second person’s will. This is what we are talking about in the context of healing from ritual abuse: training an animal to have sex with a child. Most often it is a dog who is used this way. 

It is a horribly traumatic experience for a child. And what they tell the child during or after the rape can fill them with self-loathing, terror, disgust, and lies. They may be told that they are now possessed by the animal and that its spirit has entered their body and will never leave. A girl may be told that the animal’s sperm will live inside her for the rest of her life and that later she will give birth to that animal’s children. The “animal’s spirit” may be assigned all sorts of destructive jobs to benefit the cult, jobs such as killing, raping, stalking somebody, or simply telling when the child is disobedient.  

Animal rape is especially hard to deal with because there is so much shame and revulsion attached to the memories. The subject is taboo – it’s just not talked about. The isolation feels insuperable. This secret is a heavy burden everywhere, even among other survivors.

I don’t recall being raped by any mammals and I do not have a trauma response when I see a dog, even the few times I have seen dogs mating.

I do, however, have a memory of being raped as a preschooler with a snake. I think it may have been a trick because I cannot imagine how a snake could be persuaded to enter a child’s body. At the time, I believed that milk had been placed inside me and that the snake was hungry and went after the milk. But snakes do not drink milk. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense, either, that I remember feeling sorry for the snake’s suffering, not for my own. Where was the fear and revulsion? 

Another reason I do not believe it was a real snake is that I have no fear of snakes. I have always liked snakes (and skinks, lizards, turtles, toads, frogs, and baby crocodiles) and am not afraid to handle them. There are some memories that I probably will never fully understand, and this is one of them.

I have no idea what percentage of children are abused using animals to rape them during rituals or training. I do know that it is far more common than we realize. Some of you may be shocked that I’m talking about it, and some may be relieved to know that somebody is talking about it at long last. Faith was the groundbreaker, but few, if any, followed her in print or on the Internet.

 If animal rape has been part of your abuse, I think you may find the entries listed on this page – – validating and supportive. The comments are also very helpful.

Faith writes about a good experience she had processing her experiences on a message board named “isurvive.” (I have been on it, too, and I liked it.) Most of the other resources she cites are no longer available. You might try looking them up on the WayBack Machine at  

If you know of other resources, it would be great if you could share them in the comments section.

Asking Your Advice About This Blog

A Wish for Everybody

It’s been one storm after another here on the West Coast. Saturated soil, flooding, emergency evacuations, and almost a dozen deaths from the storms. And I read about similar weather throughout the United States and Canada. One good friend was in an earthquake and another had to evacuate because of a hurricane. 

I wish you and everybody you love safety in this crazy weather. If the present-day threat brings flashbacks, my wish includes that you handle them with gentleness and compassion for the frightened child you once were. 

Spencer’s News

I have been mystified about the lack of hair in the brush every time I brush his long, thick fur. Today, I discovered the reason for this. 

His cat tree is upholstered in a dark carpet material that latches on to loose hair like Velcro. I glanced at the top platform and noticed that it had turned from black to white. So I brushed the cat tree instead of the cat! After about an hour, the wastebasket was filled with fur. Now I can, without guilt, stop feeling I am neglecting him if I don’t brush him every day.

I had lunch with Baker’s previous owner, who told me something very reassuring. (Baker was the Turkish Van mix I adopted before getting Spencer. He got sick just as soon as I adopted him and died of cancer within two months.) She said that Baker was timid for the first few years of his too-short life. If somebody he didn’t know well entered the house, he hid until the intruder was gone. By the time I met him, he was fearless and very social. Hopefully, Spencer is following in his footsteps.

Asking Your Advice About This Blog

When I started the blog, I just wanted a place to publish the short articles I had written for the Survivorship newsletter so that they would be all in one place and unlikely to get lost. 

I then started writing informative articles on various aspects of ritual abuse. There were articles on the background of major Satanic holidays, flashbacks, personal safety, choosing a therapist and evaluating therapy, and DID and defenses. There were guest articles, book reviews, articles about survivors/artists, and some of my poetry and artwork. Not much of anything about my personal life.

Recently, I have been sharing a lot more about myself. At first, I thought I would continue sharing information and just use myself as an example. Gradually, my life today became the focus. Of course, ritual abuse is an ever-present issue for me; it is present in everything I write and everything I do. 

I noticed that I have fewer readers than I used to, fewer new viewers, and fewer return viewers. This is also true for my website, I thought this was because ra-info hasn’t been updated in a long time and people aren’t reading the blog because they aren’t interested in me. So much of it is about illness and cats, both of which can get tedious.

However, I heard from a friend that neither the website nor the blog appears on the first page of a Google search. They used to be near the top. Google’s algorithm changed, and I didn’t. Guess I need to study SEO (search engine optimization).

(I just checked and found that the sites Google selects are sort of weird. There are a lot of resources in the United Kingdom and lots of material from the 1990s. The top hit is a short article by the Brisbane Rape and Incest Survivors Support Centre in Australia describing ritual abuse and its effects on survivors and giving Australian resources. I wonder what factors made it the first choice when they applied the current algorithm.)

Another friend told me that she thought she had subscribed to the blog, but she didn’t get a copy of new posts or an announcement of any kind. If people who subscribed aren’t getting anything, that surely lowers readership considerably.  

Another friend said that WordPress was too complicated, and so she blogs on SquareSpace, which is becoming popular. Simplicity is very appealing to me. WordPress is so complicated! It drives me nuts three times a month. I write and proof the entry and then spend about 4 – 5 hours just formatting it on WordPress. The draft often vanishes when I am almost ready to publish it, and I have to start over again.  

I’m turning to you all for advice. To make sure subscribers see this request, I’ll send it individually to people I believe have recently subscribed. My questions are –

1. Do you like that I share the struggles of my present life? Would you prefer more information about RA/MC and healing? Do you like the short items about conferences, holidays, my cat, etc.?

2. What do you think of the idea of leaving this WordPress blog up for reference, but starting up anew on SquareSpace?

3. Does anybody know anything about SEO? Would you be willing to coach me? I warn you – I do better if you communicate in regular old English. I’m not fluent in GeekSpeak.

Thank you so much for your feedback. If you tell me what works for you and what falls flat, I can make the posts more helpful to everybody. And if I get some advice on SEO and which platform to use, we can reach more people with less hassle.