A new RA/MC drop-in group

A second CUPP of Hope drop-in group has just been formed! It meets
Mondays 5:00–6:30 PM Pacific Time
Tuesdays 10:00-11:30 AM Melbourne, AUS Time.
Register at

This type of group is very, very needed. On-going groups are truly wonderful, but they can’t accommodate more than a few people, and a member is torn if they have a scheduling problem. Drop-in groups, which do not require weekly attendance, are more flexible. They are ideal for people in crisis, people who have been healing for a long time and who just want to touch base with other survivors, and those with irregular work schedules or other commitments that can’t be reliably scheduled.


Holiday Zoom Open Houses For Survivors of RA/MC

On miserable, triggery days, like the solstices, equinoxes, Christmas, Easter, and “Hallmark Card” days, survivors often choose to be alone rather than be among people who just don’t understand. Now, thanks to ZOOM and joanies, you have a third choice. Bring a meal or a snack to eat together or just hang out with other RA/MC survivors. No need to stay the whole time if you don’t want to.

The next two-hour Open House will be a Fourth of July celebration of our own independence. For the date and time and the registration link, check the Events page at

If you have any questions, contact joanies, the host, at


my life with cats

This is going to be a totally personal entry – the most personal one I have ever written. Nothing at all to do with RA/MC. 

In 1984, I bought two Cornish Rex kittens from the same litter; a girl, Rosie, and a boy, Fargo. They were named after Rosebud, South Dakota and Fargo, North Dakota. That was because their father’s name was Demon Dakota. (Oops, I promised I would say nothing about RA/MC. Just can’t help myself. – it’s such an integral part of my life.) Their mother’s name was Sweet Purrfection, yuck. They were orange cats with white markings.

They lived a long time. Rosie was sixteen when she died, and Fargo lived another year and a half. I thought I would never get another cat because no cat would be as great as they were. Plus, a kitten would surely outlive me, and it wasn’t fair to go and abandon him like that. So there was lots of crying and feeling sorry for myself. “I’ll never sleep with a cat again!”

After a couple of years, I changed my mind and got another orange and white Cornish Rex kitten. I named him Dakota. He lived to be eighteen and a half. Obviously, I was wrong about dying before him and leaving him all alone in a cold world.  

I lost him last September, and, to my surprise, I was not nearly as hesitant about getting another cat. I have no idea why. Am I braver now? More impetuous? More selfish? Who cares? This is the way it is – I want a cat.

I realize I no longer have the energy to chase after a kitten. Fostering is a possibility, but I wouldn’t be good with a cat with behavior problems and I would be heartbroken about having to give up an animal I had grown attached to. The other option is adopting a grown cat, perhaps an elderly one. The two of us could keep each other company as we limped through our golden years.

For months, I knew I wasn’t ready because I kept expecting Dakota to be in another room. My daughter said I had a ghost cat. As Dakota gradually stopped visiting me in his new form, I began checking out and local animal rescue organizations. My friends started asking me if I had found a cat I liked. I liked some well enough, but the chemistry wasn’t there.

I had a few non-negotiable demands. It must be older, short-haired, affectionate, and it can’t be orange. I don’t need an echo of Rosie and Fargo and Dakota. I prefer an open adoption so the previous owner can check that their cat is okay in my home and can even come visit him if they want. I can ask a million questions and send cute pictures. 

It turns out that some non-negotiable things are negotiable after all. 

I looked through the SPCA website. I hadn’t intended to because their process of giving up a cat and adopting one is detailed to the max, and, frankly, I found some of their questions intrusive, even insulting. I just went to look at cat pictures. Lo and behold, the SPCA has gotten far more reasonable! They now have a section called “Animals in the Community,” which lists cats available for private “rehoming.”

And I fell in love at first sight with a white and orange cat with longish hair. I only found out later that if I wanted him, I could no longer have houseplants or bring flowers from my garden into the house. Most are poisonous to cats, and this cat eats lettuce, spinach, flowers, and house plants. For sixty years, I have had houseplants and flowers on the dining room table, the coffee table, my desk, my bedroom, even in the bathroom.

So, of course, this is the wrong cat for me, right? 

His name is Baker. He moved in yesterday morning.

All the plants are gone. The house looks a little empty without plants and flowers, of course. Baker hasn’t found the litter box yet, and I haven’t found what he is using instead. I’ll keep him in the bathroom until he gets acquainted with it. Outside of that, everything is perfect.

He has a fascinating story. His previous owner is a high school English teacher who loves to travel. She had a job in Qatar and rescued him from the street when he was about three months old. He moved to China when she got a job there, then Mexico, then Dubai, and finally the United States. In Dubai, his owner acquired three other street kittens who have grown into feisty teenagers. They pounce on Baker. He is not pleased. And the landlord is not thrilled at having a tenant with four cats. So she decided that Baker should go someplace where he could be an only cat, a calm place with no dogs or children running around, and with one or two people to dote over him and him alone.

His mother was a plain old tabby, but his father was something else entirely. A vet identified Baker as being half Turkish Van. I searched for images of Turkish Vans, and he could easily pass as a purebred. He could stand beside any of those fancy cats in the photos, and nobody would guess that he and his Mom were alley cats.

Vans are rare (only about 100 kittens are born each year in the US) and very distinctive. They are white with orange, black, or calico markings. Their tails are almost always completely colored, and they have irregular markings on their foreheads. Some have spots the size of a quarter as well; these are called “Allah’s thumbprints.” Their fur is soft, the softest I have ever felt. That is because they have no guard hair; they just have the undercoat. 

Cornish Rexes lack guard hair, too, but their fur is very short. I used to call them velvet cats. Baker’s fur is halfway between a shorthair’s and a Persian’s in length, and I can sink my fingers deep into it. So luscious!


meets requirements 
older — Yes
short-haired —  No
affectionate —  Yes
no orange —  No
in good health —  Yes
sits on laps —   Yes
does not type —  Yes
is gorgeous —  Yes
plays catch —  Yes
plays pattycake —  Yes
has blue eyes  —  Yes
likes to swim —  Yes

I don’t need to justify my decision. Love is love, and love can’t be explained.


Upcoming Holidays



Summer solstice

6/23 Midsummer’s Eve

6/24 (?) St John’s Day

7/4 Independence Day
7/13 Full Moon
7/25 St. James’ Day/Festival of the Horned God
7/27 Grand Climax/Da Meur

8/1 Lammas/Lughnasadh
8/11 Full Moon
8/13 Friday the 13th
8/15 (?) Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary
8/24 St. Bartholomew’s Day

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups

6/4 – 6/6  Shavuot (Harvest Festival, Festival of Moses receiving the Ten Commandments)

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.


You can find more information on the following holidays at:

Candlemas –
Valentine’s Day –
Beltane –
Mothers’ Day –
Fathers’ Day –
Summer Solstice (corrected text) –
Lammas –
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 –
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 –
Fall Equinox –
Halloween (personal) – 
Halloween (background) –
Thanksgiving –
Yule/Winter Solstice – 

8 thoughts on “MY LIFE WITH CATS

  1. Baker has such a sweet face. I recently acquired an older gentleman of about 14 years. His owner, my neighbor, died suddenly and he moved in with me. He is very polite and cuddly. I NEED to have cats in my life and Nicodemus is a great addition.


    1. Nicodemus is lucky to have such a smooth transition – no being shown off in a pet store cage, no getting used to a foster home and then moving again, no failed adoption.I hope he has a long and happy life making you happy.

      I’m thinking about adding a Baker notice to each post. But I might be tempted to change it into a cat blog! Maybe stick to the comments section?


  2. What a lovely post! It’s group time and I’m here all by my lonesome. I hope you’re coming? 殺


    1. I like the cat, I like the way I feel about him, I like the way the blog entry turned out, and I like that you liked it.

      I did not like being tired from arm wrestling with the computer – don’t ask! – and getting distracted and leaving you alone! But all worked out after a while, no?


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