The Poetry Reading Was AMAZING!

A first event is supposed to have lots of glitches, and then the second one goes much more smoothly. This one had only two glitches.

1. We promised a full hour for Q&A and didn’t have it, so we offered to go an extra 15 minutes

2. I kept forgetting to unmute. And a couple of times I forgot what I was saying. Nobody else had these problems, that I could tell.

Both no big deal!

What was truly amazing was how connected people felt, how grateful to be together. People, including some of the poets, cried together. Nobody wanted to leave. It was powerful, inspiring, and a total high, I think, for everybody.

There was so much feedback about how vulnerable the poets were, how the poems pulled no punches about the abuse. Some people said they had never heard a particular topic spoken of before. I think many were amazed that we weren’t all struck dead by lightning for saying and hearing such things. The rule of silence sure the hell was broken many times over in those 2 1/4 hours!

None of the attendees knew what was going to be shared when they signed up so, in my mind, it was a small experiment to see how many survivors lived through what. What surprised me was that several people said in the chat that they had experienced abuse by Nazi doctors. I think this is something that screams to be brought out in the open.

I remember the days when government mind control programming was never spoken of publicly. Why? Fear and denial. “If I even allude to this, they will find out and come and kill me.” “Our own government couldn’t have done anything like that, not in a million years.” I think we are in that same stage now regarding the Nazi mind control experts that were brought over during Project Paperclip.

The reasoning behind quietly bringing German war criminals to the US was that they were too dangerous to leave where they were – they probably would just go underground and keep doing what they had been doing all along. And that it was better to have them working for us than for Germany. I think that it would have been far better to have had them working for nobody at all and to have had them tried and brought to justice.

There were other things, of course, that elicited a “You, too? I thought I was the only one!” That was what brought such a sense of cohesion, of community, to the group.

The elation I felt was accompanied by a deep sadness. There is such a need for survivors to find each other, to talk, to meet over the Internet and on video conferences. And to meet in person, one on one, and in groups. There is practically nothing out there for us. What little exists is hard to find, and so people remain isolated.

The scarcity makes it seem like it is dangerous for survivors to connect, both because the abusers will find out and take revenge and because, in some way, contact with other survivors is intrinsically dangerous. They might be plants and lure you back into the cult. They might not have worked out their issues and you risk physical or psychological violence. Listening to their memories might contaminate your own; you might end up believing things about yourself that are not true.

Of course, it is only sensible to be cautious around survivors, just as you are cautious around other people. Test the waters before you trust. But the vast majority of survivors I have met are brave and kind people. They have made a deep commitment to being different from their abusers.

The environment of fear and isolation is especially sad to me because it hasn’t always been like this. When I first remembered, it was so easy to find others and to make friends with them! And it continued that way for several years until the False Memory Syndrome Foundation people won the media over and intimidated therapists and survivors alike with lawsuits.

It took me exactly three weeks from my first flashback to meet another RA survivor. There were several conferences a year in Massachusetts on ritual abuse. When I moved to San Francisco, there were daily “Nothing Too Heavy to Share” meetings (Survivors of Incest Anonymous meetings for RA survivors) within a half hour’s drive – sometimes two a day. Three Survivorship conferences a year. Poetry readings in bookstores. People having lunch and coffee together, forming their own non-12-step groups, sharing apartments.

All that has faded away. It’s time to do something about it and start bringing people together. We need connection and healing, not fear and isolation. Who can make it happen?

You! Me! Us! As Lily Tomlin said, “I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.” Go for it!


I sent out a follow-up questionnaire and learned that people wanted another poetry reading. Now that we know what we are doing (I think!) we can offer that. The three co-hosts and planners, River, Leni, and I, just need to get out our calendars and pick a date.

The other thing people were interested in were Webinars. I’ve had experience with Webinars from Survivorship, as I organized and hosted a Webinar series for them. That was a dozen years ago, and the apps weren’t nearly as good as they are today, so technically it was more difficult. It was a perpetual challenge with things breaking down, trying to work around problems, and explaining the software to the attendees. The other challenge came at the end of the series when I had trouble finding new people to present. It should be a lot easier this time around.

I case you can’t tell, I’m still a little high from the experience!


Here’s a summary of the questionnaire. Rather than emailing me (though of course you can do that), let’s respond to it in the comments section.

I want to be on the mailing list!                     

     yes ___ no ___  

Would you like another poetry reading?

     yes ___ no ___

Are you interested in reading your poetry?

     yes ___ no ___

Would you like to have an art exhibit?

     yes ___ no ___

Are you interested in sharing your artwork?

     yes ___ no ___

Would you like a musical performance?

     yes ___ no ___

Are you interested in sharing your music?

     yes ___ no ___

Would you like some Webinars?

yes ___ no ___

Suggested topics?

Would you be willing to give a Webinar?

     yes ___ no ___

Can’t wait to learn what y’all want!



Upcoming Holidays


7/23 Full Moon 
7/25 St. James’ Day/Festival of the Horned God 
7/27 Grand Climax


8/1 Lammas/Lughnasadh 
8/13 Friday the 13th 
8/15 (?) Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary 
8/22 Full Moon 
8/24 St. Bartholomew’s Day


9/5 – 9/7 Feast of the Beast/Marriage of the Beast 
9/7 Labor Day (United States) 
9/20 Full moon 
9/22 Fall Equinox 
9/29 Michaelmas/Feast of Archangel Michael and of all Angels

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups

7/29 Hitler proclaimed leader of the Nazi party 
9/1 Start of WW2 
9/7 Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year, Day of Judgement) 
9/16 Yom Kippur (Jewish Day of Atonement) 
9/17 Hitler’s alternate half-birthday 
9/21 – 9/27 Sukkot (Feast of Tabernacles, Jewish harvest festival

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)


Additional information on various holidays:

Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1:
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2:
Fall Equinox:
Halloween (personal):
Halloween (background):
Yule/Winter Solstice:
Valentine’s Day:
Spring Equinox: 
Easter: personal. (for background, see Spring Equinox):
Walpurgisnacht/May Eve:
Mothers’ Day:
Fathers’ Day:
Summer Solstice (corrected text):

13 thoughts on “The Poetry Reading Was AMAZING!

  1. To Declan,
    As one who was there, it was wonderful and the afterglow is still lingering. Such a sense of safety and acceptance with people from everywhere. I have been trying for many years to find other survivors for real-life meetups because I have been so lonely. We can’t exchange hugs online, but we can share our hearts.
    We have a community now, thanks to like-minded people and zoom-type platforms. People can share as much or as little as they are comfortable with. The air waves are getting warmer and more comfortable now and I am so grateful. Thank you Jean. You started this whole thing. Much love to you,


    1. Well, not the whole thing – I am not responsible for ZOOM, for instance. I’d be so rich – I would open B&B’s and safe houses for survivors!

      In the meantime, there is a forum for RA/MC survivors called Systems Seeking Community run by Jade Miller, who is awesome. In addition, it has a video meeting, which I haven’t been to yet.

      Anybody who wants to join, contact me jriseman @ and I will invite you.


  2. I’m not sure if my reply sent.
    Yes anything,
    I think this is an amazing thing being done and if I can be a part of support, connection and healing for myself and those fellow travelers that understand the abuse all too well, I would be honored.
    Would be happy to research this topic.
    I am literally so shocked that others have this abuse specifically with Nazis.
    It’s unfortunate that in some weird way makes me giddy, In no way should this be “giddy”
    To connect with others and learn I’m not alone, makes me cry for all of those it is too familiar for, any ritual abuse is so very very sad.
    To have us come together and empower each other, I never thought it was possible.
    Your site has posted some things that I have found immensely helpful on my own journey.
    Thank you for doing this.


  3. That sounds like a great meeting. It’s sad that it was online and not real, but us survivors know about isolation and that something is better than nothing.
    I support the disclosure on Nazi doctors. I have trauma memories of two men who I suspect to have been doctors from the concentration camps. I suspect the identity of those two individuals to be Dr Aribert Heim and Dr Johannes Goebel.
    Do please add me to the mailing list. I also have poems and music that I can offer.


    1. It was so much better than nothing! There will be another one, and my mind is turning to other possibilities. I am sure if we develop a rich culture of RA/MC events online that it will translate into face-to-face when the pandemic restrictions lift.

      Welcome to my blog, Declan. I hope you find it helpful. Can you do something for me, and that is fill out the questionnaire at the end of the article? You can add it to the comment section. And tell us a bit about your music?

      I’m curious as to how you came to suspect the men were Heim and Goebel. Photographs? Remembering their names ? I have always wondered about how much of the mind control programming techniques and the structure of the programs came from Germany and how much had been developed in the US.

      Ihope I am not intruding with my questions.


      1. You are welcome to ask questions.
        “I’m curious as to how you came to suspect the men were Heim and Goebel. Photographs? Remembering their names ?”
        I suspect the doctor I met to have been Dr Goebel because of his appearance and also the context in which I met him in a hospital in Brazil where criminal activity was taking place. I had broken during cult training at the temple in São Paulo. It had been decided that I would be allowed to live and my trainer took me to a hospital in the boot of his car.
        This is from my trauma memory of the assessment by an elderly doctor who looked like Goebel.
        ‘I was taken into a lab. [..] A saggy faced wide-forehead gray haired doctor examined me. He looked like an old Quincy Jones M.D. He had a creaky German Jewish voice. The name Dr. Green rings a bell, but this man’s appearance is different (to Mengele). He did some basic tests, blood test, and psychological tests. They talked about me and it seemed I was no longer useful to them. After the sacrifice of the baby I had dissociated, lights on but no-one home.’
        After his assessment I was taken to a village where I was operated on by a psychic surgeon. Part of my energy body, not my physical body, was removed and this contributed to sexual disability as an adult.
        (Note: Goebel when he was at Aushwitz had been devoping sterilisation techniques on women using damaging chemicals. He was accused of war crimes at the Polish Supreme Tribunal in 1947 but the case was withdrawn.)

        There were several instances when I met a man who looked like Dr Heim and he was involved in criminal occult activity. I don’t know if it was the same person each time. The man or men I met looked like Heim. Heim has been named as active in trauma based mind control by Andrea Sadegh. Andrea mentions Dr Heim twice in this interview / transcript.
        I can’t include pictures here so I have uploaded a copy of my workings trying to ID these people with pictures and more details.

        Click to access Heim-Goebel-ID-1.pdf



        1. Thank you so much! Your memories are so much more than a flashback fragment without context. I think your information will be helpful to more people than I can imagine at this point.

          I do know that there were several, at least, persons who went by the name of Dr. Green and other colors. The Extreme Abuse Survey had questions about this. Most survivors I have met believe that Dr. Green was Mengele. I personally believe that it was to their advantage to have more than one person using the same alias to cause confusion among the people they abused.

          I think you are very brave to remember and speak of these things..


  4. I can’t believe I missed the first poetry reading. I’m so bummed.
    I would love to be involved with another. Webinars would be great too, whatever works that keeps us more untied than alone in the pain. .
    I have Nazi “stuff” too. I didn’t know anyone else did.


    1. I am so sorry. There will be another, though. I wonder if we could do a Webinar on Nazi involvement in the abuse. It’s time you got some validation and support.


      1. Thank you for that. I am very surprised when I read others had similar backgrounds.
        I think something on Nazi would be awesome.
        I would love to be apart of all of this. If I can do anything to help, let me know!


        1. “anything to help”? Music to my ears!!!!!!

          Somebody just contacted me with a fabulous idea.

          Create a web page or blog. Make a list of subjects for Webinars.
          Make a page for each topic.
          Have people share resources they know of – books, web pages, etc.

          This would help the person giving the Webinar do research and also serve as handouts at the end of the Webinar.

          If you like the idea, would you like to do a page on Nazi abuse in the US? I have a few resources to start it off.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Yes I would be hairy to research that. Thank you for asking!
            And yes “anything”
            I think what your are doing is amazing. I have gotten so much benefit from your emails and articles.
            I would love to be a part of support and helping others heal and connect.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s