A Couple of Tips on Communication

There are two announcements after the main part of this post.

Guess we all made it through Candlemas, one of the eight major Satanic holidays. Next week there are two Christian holidays, which are often perverted by Satanic groups. Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday) is a feast, a celebration of the last day before the beginning of Lent. Ash Wednesday marks the first day of Lent, a time of fasting to commemorate the forty days Jesus spent in the desert prior to being crucified. I hope your abusers skipped these days, and if they didn’t, I hope you stay safe and are granted healing.

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Because I wandered through childhood in a daze, I never picked up the social skills that the other kids did. I knew that if you said things in one way, you got good results, but if you said them slightly differently, people would have no idea what you were talking about, or they would take it the wrong way. It was like wanting either hot water or cold water and knowing that water came out of faucets but having no idea which one was for hot water and which one was for cold water. And not knowing you could mix them!

When I was four or five, my mother told me to ask a woman for the time. She added, “Remember to say please and thank you.” So I walked up to the woman and politely said, “Please and thank you, can you tell me the time?” I expected her to smile and tell me what time it was. Instead, she burst out laughing. Why? No idea. I had done exactly what I had been told to do and had gotten a totally unexpected result.

Here I am almost eighty years later, still trying to earn the little rules and tricks of communication that other people seem to use so effortlessly. 

Here is something I learned a few years ago. It’s good to remind myself occasionally.

If you use “but” in a sentence, whatever you are talking about seems difficult or wrong. If you use “and,” though, it seems easy and inviting

“If you are wearing a mask and want to be friendly, make eye contact but don’t hold it too long or you will appear hostile.”
“If you are wearing a mask and want to be friendly, make eye contact and then look away after a couple of seconds.”

“It’s fine to wear a plaid skirt but don’t wear a patterned top.”
‘It’s fine to wear a plaid skirt and a plain top.”

When I hear the sentences with “but” in them, it feels like a threat. If you do this, something terrible will happen. It also sounds bossy, and I don’t like to be told what to do. The “and” sentences seem neutral and informative.

And here is something I learned just a week ago. It’s a little more complicated and will be harder for me to remember, but I think it will be extremely useful.

This approach is for a situation when somebody is doing something you don’t like, and you want them to change their behavior. It doesn’t criticize or confront the other person in any way, and you come across as reasonable and self-confident. You may not get what you want all the time, but I bet you will have a lot more success than if you outright asked the other person for what you wanted. Here is the formula:

I noticed…
I feel…
I need…
Would you consider…?

Let’s see if I can make up something. 

“I noticed that you told a joke that appeared to put down Hispanic people. I felt hurt because I have Mexican relatives. In order to feel comfortable, I need to know that no group will be dissed. Would you consider not telling jokes or using language that seems disrespectful in front of me?”

I doubt if I could figure out how to say this without taking time to work out the steps. I think it would be just as effective if a day or a week elapsed between the incident and my request. I haven’t had time to experiment with this approach since I just learned about it. If I have an occasion to try it out, I’ll let you know the results. 

It’s true. You can teach an old dog new tricks. And the old dog is thrilled!

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We are going to have a poetry reading!!

We have a technical person, a ZOOM account, and four or five poets lined up. If we go for ninety minutes, there is room for a few more people. 

Post in the comment section or write me at rahome@ra-info.org if you would like to read your work. I’m asking everybody to read aloud the poems they want to share, time themselves, and let me know how long it took. (The maximum allotted time is ten minutes. If you need less time, we can have more participants.) There will be a place to sign up if you want to be part of the audience.

We haven’t picked a date yet, but it will be on a Saturday. Here are the various time zones so you can figure out if you can make it or not.

7 AM Melbourne Time (Sunday)
12 noon Pacific Time
1 PM Mountain Time
2 PM Central Time
3 PM Eastern Time
8 PM London Time
9 PM Amsterdam Time

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An opportunity to participate in a study of children’s religious rights

Cindy Owre is a Ph.D. student in the Department of History, Classics, and Religion at the University of Alberta. 

She is conducting research on how children’s religious rights and spiritual needs are or are not being met. The goal of this study is to generate ideas for creating policies that will help faith communities and religiously run schools to develop safe spaces where these rights and needs can be nurtured and to provide training so that children can learn how to form healthy relationships with religious leaders and staff. 

She is seeking people over 18 years old who are living in Canada and who have been affected in some way by child sexual abuse or CSA in a religious context. 

For more information, contact Cindy at cowre@ualberta.ca or by phone at 1-825-512-3116. 

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Upcoming Holidays

February
2/12 (?) Lincoln’s Birthday
2/14 Valentine’s Day
2/15 (?) Presidents’ Day/Washington’s birthday
2/16 Shrove Tuesday/ Mardi Gras
2/17 Ash Wednesday/beginning of Lent
2/25 Walpurgis Day
2/27 Full Moon

March
3/1 St David’s Day (patron saint of Wales)
3/1 St. Eichstadt’s Day
3/17 St. Patrick’s Day (patron saint of Ireland)
3/21 Spring Equinox
3/24 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan
3/28 Full Moon
3/28 Palm Sunday

April
4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/1 Maundy Thursday (commemoration of the Last Supper)
4/2 Good Friday
4/3 Holy Saturday
4/4 Easter Sunday
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/26 Grand Climax/De Meur
4/26 Full Moon
4 /30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
3/28 – 4/4 Passover/Pesach (Deliverance of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt)
(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)

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You can find more information on the following holidays at

Valentine’s Day https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/
Spring Equinox https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/
Easter: personal. (for background, see Spring Equinox) https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/
Walpurgisnacht/May Eve: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/
Beltane: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/
Mothers’ Day: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/
 Fathers’ Day: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/
 Summer Solstice (corrected text) https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/
 Lammas https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/
 and https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/ 
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/
Fall Equinox https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/.
Halloween {personal) https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/ 
Halloween (background) https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/

Thanksgiving https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/
Yule/Winter Solstice https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/ 
Candlemas https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/

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