Happy about Very Important Things and Very Small Things

“In perhaps one of the greatest breakthroughs ever against criminal pornography, Pornhub just removed from its site 10 million+ unverified videos—nearly 75% of its entire video collection.” (from an email to me from Traffickinghub.)

“The Traffickinghub campaign…is a non-religious, non-partisan effort to hold the largest porn website in the world accountable for enabling and profiting off of the mass sex trafficking and exploitation of women and minors. The campaign is facilitated by Exodus Cry and supported by over 300 child protection and anti-trafficking organizations, as well as experts on and survivors of commercial sexual exploitation.”  https://traffickinghub.com 


This makes me very happy! It does nothing to remove copies of porn videos already downloaded, of course. But it prevents further distribution of over 10 MILLION videos from this website! It hits them where it hurts, in the pocketbook. And it sends a message to the world (including all the other porn sites) that criminal pornography is NOT OKAY. 

I keep wondering if there are copies of films made of me 70 years ago available in some obscure corner of the Internet. It’s certainly possible. I know that a survivor who is only 15 years younger than me found films of their childhood abuse. I’m not willing to go look for mine, though. If they show up in my inbox uninvited, that’s another story. But they won’t.

One good thing about being abused like this 70 years ago is that nobody who comes across those films will recognize me. Everybody who was involved is either dead or senile. Girls who went to school with me aren’t the type to be rooting around the Dark Web looking for vintage porn. In that sense, I am safe.

I wonder how many of the people whose abuse was filmed know that their videos have been erased from Pornhub. If they know, I wonder how they feel. Many won’t know that their assaults were made public for the whole world to see. Many are too young to even understand that cameras take pictures, let alone that crimes have been committed against them, and that IS WRONG and not their fault. 

I am pretty sure I would be assaulted by a kaleidoscope of feelings – joy, shame, despair, anger, relief, fear, gratitude, worry, and back to the beginning. I’m also damn sure that my life would not instantaneously get any better. Whenever a breakthrough happens, there is a life-long fight to deal with the effects of the savagery of the harm done.


Other things are making me happy right now. One is that winter is both about to begin and beginning to end. Tomorrow, the days will be getting longer, not shorter. Minute by minute, we are approaching the time when bulbs I planted and forgot will break their dormancy. In a couple of months, birds will be showing off in song to attract a mate. Ants will stop coming into my home in search of food. Hooray for more daylight! Hooray for spring!

Something else that delights me is that I have discovered that both coffee grounds and citrus peels get rid of ants. (I am easily pleased these days.) I mean, ants are interesting little fellows, but not in my house, please. Or on my hands. Or in my hair. Go back to the great outdoors, where you belong


I hope that you all stay safe through the coming holidays. If you are still being abused, please don’t lose hope, please don’t give up. Escaping is a trial-and-error process. If you keep trying, one day you will find a way to get out and stay out forever. For those of you who have escaped, I hope the memories of past holidays are easier to deal with than they were in past years. I hope you can remember how to soothe the parts of you who hold these memories, how to tell them they are loved and they are not being hurt now.

I send you all strength, courage, and belief in your own worth.


Upcoming Holidays

12/21 Winter solstice/Yule/St. Thomas’ Day
12/24 Christmas Eve
12/25 Christmas Day
12/29 Full moon
12/31 New Year’s Eve

1/1 New Year’s Day
1/6 (?) Epiphany/Three Kings’ Day
1/7 St Winebald’s Day
1/13 New Moon
1/13 Satanic New Year
1/17 Feast of Fools/Old Twelfth Night/Satanic and demon revels
1/18 (?) Martin Luther King Jr. Day
1/20 (?) St. Agnes’ Eve
1/28 Full moon

2/2 Candlemas/Imbolc/Satanic Revels
2/11 New moon
2/14 Valentine’s Day
2/12 (?) Lincoln’s Birthday
2/15 (?) Presidents’ Day/Washington’s birthday
2/16 Shrove Tuesday/ Mardi Gras
2/17 Ash Wednesday/beginning of Lent
2/25 Walpurgis Day
2/27 Full Moon

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
1/28 Tu Bishvat/Tu B’Shevat (Jewish celebration of spring)
1/12 Birth of both Rosenberg and Goering, Nazi Leaders in WWII
1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany
2/26 Purim (Deliverance of the Jewish people from Haman in Persia)
(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices, and the equinoxes.)

* You can find more information on the following holidays at:
Yule/Winter Solstice https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/yulewinter-solstice/
Candlemas https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/candlemas/
Valentine’s Day https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/valentines-day/
Spring Equinox https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/
Easter: (personal) For background, see Spring Equinox https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/
Walpurgisnacht/May Eve: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/
Beltane: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/
Mothers’ Day: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/
Fathers’ Day: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/ritual-abuse-and-fathers-day/
Summer Solstice (corrected text) https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/well-this-is-embarrassing/
Lammas https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/category/lamas/
and https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/august-ritual-dates/
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1 https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2 https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/
Fall Equinox https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/the-fall-equinox/
Halloween (personal) https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/10/11/halloween/
Halloween (background) https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/samhainhalloween/
Thanksgiving https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/11/20/thanksgiving/


* How to add a comment after a post This blog’s design makes it hard to figure out how to comment. Go down to the bottom of the post (after the calendar) You will see in light grey type: “RATE THIS” tagged (a list of the tags) (the number of) comments” Click on the word “comments” to open all posted comments.

At the very bottom of the page, you will see “LEAVE A REPLY.” That’s where you make a new comment. You can reply to a posted comment by clicking “Reply” under that comment. In each case, make sure to click “POST COMMENT” when you are finished. It’s a good idea to write out your comment first and then paste it in so that you don’t risk losing what you wrote.

6 thoughts on “Happy about Very Important Things and Very Small Things

  1. Hi Jean!
    Havent heard from you in a while, tried to call and got a recording that your phone was no longer in service!
    I am glad you posted!
    Porn can be real ugly.
    64-65 the church and cia used me for porn,along with a mutual friend of ours whos site never works lol.
    The local priest was right in the thick of it! A priest!
    I was 5 years old.
    I think about those films sometimes. About being addicted to heroin at age 4 so i would be more co operative.
    Hard times those.
    Funny, the current attorney general was involved during his years at cia.
    We really hit the hornets nest trying to expose “ultra”, and the “paperclip” mazi deathcamp “doctors”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, real hard times, I am so sorry they used you that way. I thought they did it for money, but you wouldn’t think the church and the CIA would need the money. Maybe it’s something good ole boys do, like drink beer and drive too fast. and HEROIN at age 4! Fuck those bastards! It’s a miracle you didn’t become addicted to anything as an adult.

      In 1964 and 1965 I was raising my first child, not working for three years. Being normal, I guess.

      Sorry you got that weird message – hope you dialed a wrong number. That must have worried you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What a beautiful post, Jean. I am thrilled to hear that progress is being made regarding criminal pornography. Like you, I am unwilling to go looking for images of me.
    Mostly, I was moved by your beautiful words about Spring and reminding survivors to not give up. Being escaped, but having the struggle not so far behind… I thought your post would have been good for me to read back then and it is still a good reminder now. Thank you for your kind and generous heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your reactions with me. Your words psych me up to write the next post.

      You, too, were used that way. God, I wonder how many of us were. I’m beginning to wonder if anybody wasn’t! It makes me so very mad. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

      Liked by 1 person

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