I’m “Social Distancing” Because of COVID-19  

* Information on spring holidays:

Walpurgis Day: There is some information about St. Walpurga at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/
Spring Equinox: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/the-spring-equinox/
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 1: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/the-feast-of-the-beast/
Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan: Part 2: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/03/20/feast-of-the-beast-part-ii/
Easter: personal (for background, see Spring Equinox) https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/easter-blues/
Walpurgisnacht/May Eve: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2017/04/20/walpurgisnacht/
Beltane: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/beltane/
Mothers’ Day: https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2016/04/26/mothers-day/


A few weeks ago, the COVID-19 virus was something that was happening far away in China. Now it has moved in and become my new neighbor. 

Here’s the number of confirmed cases that Bay Area counties report: Alameda, 3; Contra Costa, 7; Marin, 1; Napa, 2; San Mateo, 1: San Francisco, 11; and Solano, 2, (plus a healthcare worker who lives in Alameda). Santa Clara, just 45 miles away, reports 24 cases. And there is a cruise ship lingering just outside the Golden Gate Bridge, with 114 confirmed cases. It’s waiting to transport all 3500 passengers to military bases so that they can be quarantined for two weeks.

These numbers are as of March 7, and surely will be higher when you read this.

A state of emergency has been declared in both California and San Francisco, where the Saint Patrick Day’s parade has been canceled. Schools and universities are closing throughout the area. Many big tech companies have asked their employees to work from home. Among those are Twitter, who asked everybody to stay home, not just employees in countries with confirmed cases of COVID-19. Other tech companies that are turning to virtual commuting are Facebook, Google, Apple, Microsoft, Salesforce, and LinkedIn. People are taking this very seriously!

Just last week, I wrote, “I’m attending the ISSTD conference this year and would love to connect with anybody who is going. We could hang out at break times and get to know each other better.”

Last night, after only a few hours of dithering, I decided not to go. It was, I admit, an obvious decision, a no-brainer. I am a doubly high-risk person, since I’m 82 and have heart issues, and I am not ready to die yet. I have a lot of filing that has piled up, stuff that needs sorting and throwing away, vacations I want to take, memories to process, and a book that needs writing. Also numerous blog entries, of course!

One part of my mind says that’s the right decision, but another says I’m being silly, and my unconscious, fueled by the past, screams that no matter what I do I am going to get fatally ill because I am so bad I deserve to die a horrible death. Guess it wasn’t such an easy decision, after all!

I certainly have come nowhere near a place of acceptance. One moment I think I am over-reacting and want to go out and do things. I had planned to go to the ocean with a friend from out of town on the Friday before the conference and have lunch at a Burmese restaurant. I am pissed about having that day taken away from me by a stupid virus. It’s been eighteen hours, and I already have cabin fever. On the other hand, I am petrified and don’t want to go anywhere, even to the pool or to routine doctors’ appointments. Or dentist appointments, for that matter!

My daughter just called me. She had planned a work trip to the West Coast in two weeks and had added on a couple of days to see me. Now she has to work from home. The most likely part of the trip to get infected would be on the plane; visiting me is safe because I’m not quarantined, I’m just old. Perhaps she could arrange to be teleported? I’m starting to feel really deprived. 

And I think the situation is not going to be better any time soon. I think we are in for a very long haul – more likely to be many months rather than a few weeks.

It’s funny. My reactions are just like everybody else’s, as far as I can tell. My decision-making process seems to be the same. But everything is surrounded by a fog of RA memories, feelings, self-hatred, mistrust, fear, helplessness, and guilt. The influence of ritual abuse always touches every part of my life, but it usually is far in the background. This worldwide crisis has pulled it closer to the foreground and, it tints everything.

 You’ve heard of rose-colored glasses? I have RA-tinted glasses.

Well, the upside is I will probably have more time to write!


Upcoming Holidays

3/1 St. Eichstadt’s Day
3/9 Full moon<
3/13 Friday the Thirteenth
3/17 Spring Equinox
3/17 St. Patrick’s Day
3/24 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan

4/1 April Fool´s Day
4/5 Palm Sunday
4/7 Full moon
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/9 Maundy Thursday (commemoration of the Last Supper)
4/10 Good Friday
4/11 Holy Saturday
4/12 Easter Sunday<
4/26 Grand Climax/De Meur
4/30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve

5/1 Beltane
5/7 Full moon
5/10 Mothers’ Day
5/12 Armed Forces Day
5/25 Memorial Day
5/31 Pentecost

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
Rosh Chodesh marks the new moon, the beginning of each month
3/10 Purim (Deliverance of the Jewish people from Haman in Persia)
4/9 – 4/16 Passover/Pesach (Deliverance of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt)
4/21 Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day)
4/29 Yom Ha’atzmaut (Israeli Independence Day)
5/8 V-E Day
5/25 Memorial Day

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes.)


14 thoughts on “I’m “Social Distancing” Because of COVID-19  

  1. Hi jean. It’s Jen from the infinite mind conference. I think u made the right choice. I feel the same that all The ra stuff is in my forefront too. I hope you don’t feel too lonely. U can always email me. Have a good day. Jen


    1. Hi Jen! Thanks for the support!

      I woke up and said, this is a good decision, but I made it earlier than I had to. Then I said, Listen, you have made a wise decision, instead of rethinking it, let’s figure out ways to make things work. So far:

      Youtube exercises to keep strong. More video calls, less audio only calls to keep in contact with people. Get dressed every day, don’ wear my jammies 24/7. I am sure I will think of more.

      Oh, I just did. Bet there is an online support group for pple who are self-isolating.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Yeah, but I didn’t know they would!

          have found music can sub for human contact. I guess it is a form of human contact! My current favorite is anything by Message to Bears, a PostRock band.


    1. Biggest trigger so far – I easily get agorophobic because I know I am safe where I am in the moment, but who knows what kind of danger is just out of sight. So many times going outdoors, or even going into the next room, has set off panic attacks. Life is so much nicer without having to worry about dealing with agorophobia – I don’t want to sip into that state of mind.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I have discovered two things. A very light weight scarf tied loosely around my face reminds me not to touch my face. It also is very annoying to wear! And puling weeds is very soothing. I am safe and mentally okay but not a happy camper!

          I read a very strong warning from somebody in Italy – I will post it if pple wish. We gotta take this virus seriously, because our government is not. However, if enough pple do the sane thing, we don’t need leadership, right?


          1. Be good to read your posts about friends warning. I think it is natural to want to look to government for official leadership, but I feel as though I desire to look for sane words from community members or citizens who can see through the fear and mud. It’s troubling times.


            1. I’m not going to repost news I can from the Guardian, the Times, and Medpage. Though I highly recommend Medpage for accurate news. I’ll stick with practical hints and how I handle the emotional flashbacks to the terror and helplessness we all grew up with.

              Do pple want me to repost info on unemployment benefits, stuff like that?

              Latest discovery – if hand sanitizer is gone from the shelves, get some isopropyl alcohol. It’s 70%. Follow it up with hand lotion and it should work the same. Also make your own disinfectant. 1/2 teaspoon bleach to 1 quart water. I put it in a spray bottle. Now I have to remember to use it! I suppose I don’t have to on the days nobody is in my apartment.

              Liked by 1 person

  2. I am sorry you have to miss the conference but am glad you are being wise and taking care of yourself. I hope you discover an unexpected benefit to staying home – some pleasure you otherwise would have missed.


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