* Detailed instructions for making comments are in “News Items.”
There is an excellent article with background on Mothers’ Day here: https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-radical-roots-of-mothers-day?via=newsletter&source=Weekend
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How easily I blame every bad or unpleasant thing in my life on the cult! It’s such a convenient catch-all explanation. But that isn’t realistic, it isn’t intellectually honest, and it gives the cult far more power than they ever had.
When I was a child, they took advantage of coincidences and made me believe they had caused them. Thunderstorms, German measles, stuff like that. I met a survivor who thought that she had caused the Vietnam war! I shudder to think what they did to her to make her believe she had that much power and was that evil. I’m sure they are still manipulating children that way today.
I was set up to think that all sorts of things are my fault when in reality I have no control over them. My default position, therefore, is taking things personally. If I walk into a group and nobody greets me, I must be dressed wrong, have a reputation for being boring, or have offended everybody in the room. If somebody does not respond to my conversational overtures, it must mean I said something dumb or intrusive. I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that the other person might be shy, might not feel like talking right then, or might have a lot on their mind.
After having worked on my “trauma issues” (how mild that euphemism sounds!) for years, I am more relaxed and can start conversations with strangers and make small talk. I’ve found that women (and some men and children) in the supermarket appreciate it if I tell them I like their hair or clothes. It’s easy to make them feel good and making somebody feel good makes me feel good about myself in return. How I wish I could have had that confidence when I was a teen!
Nowadays, the “my fault” assumption pops up a lot around physical problems, simply because I have a lot of physical problems. If my back hurts more than usual, I automatically think it’s because I did too much even though I knew better or because I lifted something the wrong way or because I didn’t move enough in my sleep. As if I could control what I do when I am sound asleep! Only later do I think, “Wait! Arthritis is a progressive disease! It probably just progressed a little and my back needs time to get used to the new normal.”
I don’t seriously think that I can start and stop wars or influence elections. I don’t have those talents, But I do feel guilty that I don’t do enough. Although I sign petitions, vote, and sometimes give money to candidates and organizations that promote peace at home and abroad, I could do a lot more. I could call my representatives, work on voter registration drives, write letters to editors, and participate in marches. I feel like a slacker simply because I have chosen to use my time trying to help other survivors of ritual abuse and mind control. Guess I feel guilty for only being one person. <sigh>
My abusers didn’t always manipulate me into believing it was all my fault. Sometimes they proudly claimed responsibility. They killed Hitler and invented the bombs that ended the war with Japan. My dinky little cult did *that*? Not likely.
They bragged about how evil they were, and they lied to puff themselves up and impress people. I bet many of them believed their lies. After all their cult was HUGE (it wasn’t, it was small and shrinking every year) and they could tell themselves that all the evil that they hadn’t done was done by fellow cult members they hadn’t yet met. Perhaps they believed they had killed people by wishing them dead. I don’t know because I don’t remember ever asking them what they thought, but I do know that if you tell a lie often enough, you can come to believe it yourself.
Probably the vast majority of events around the world that I once believed or still suspect are cult-connected are not. There’s plenty of evil and craziness to go around – it isn’t all concentrated in cults. Even if, by some Herculean method, ritual abuse and mind control were eliminated, there still would be violence and atrocities. That is sad, but it’s no reason to stop fighting to expose ritual abuse, help people escape, and support those who are healing. We fight for ourselves, our brothers and sisters, and the children in generations to come. It is truly a worthy battle.
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Upcoming Holidays
May
5/12 Mothers’ Day
5/18 Full moon
5/27 Memorial Day
June
6/9 – 6/10 Pentecost
6/16 Father’s Day
6/17 Full moon
6/20 Corpus Christi/Feast of the Body of Christ
6/21 Summer solstice
6/23 Midsummer’s Eve
6/24 St John’s Day
July
7/2 Total solar eclipse. Visible in parts of South America.
7/4 Fourth of July/ US Independence Day
7/16 Full moon
July 16 – 17 Partial lunar eclipse. Visible in South America, Africa, most of Europe and Asia, Australia, and New Zealand.
7/25 St. James’ Day/Festival of the Horned God
Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
5/18 Armed Forces Day (?)
(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes)
Ritual Abuse 
A very thoughtful and interesting post that take up a question that certainly concerns a lot people….
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Thank you for this. I can relate to what you are saying.
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Thank *you!*
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That’s so right, Jean, all what you are, do & say … Congratulations !
Cheers,
E.*
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Sometimes we go through the deepest darkness in our lives so that when we are finally out of it, we can appreciate the situation well enough to be able to help others who are going through the same to also come out. And again be able to help others avoid having to go through it aĺl together.
Thank you for sharing your experience that we learn alot from. And for helping others heal and come out of rirual abuse.
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Yes, I live by what you said. Thank you – I could not have said it in so few words. Your words are very powerful. By sharing, I meet others who have lived through ritual abuse and they guarantee I will never feel lonely again. It is a blessing.
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I think it’s so great you help other survivors and talk about ritual abuse and mind control. That’s not a slacker. It’s loving and powerful and strong. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks, Leni. Those are beautiful words.
I know that and I don’t know that at the same time. My knee-jerk reaction is that I do too little, and do the wrong things, and it’s all my fault and I’m hopeless. That’s the voices of the pple who taught me to think of myself that way. Then there is the me who looks at myself and tries to be objective as possible and comes up with the conclusion that I am okay, more than okay, just the way I am, and I want to keep going doing what I do for another fifty years!!!!
They taught me that crap, and it is all a big fat lie. They taught all of us a lot of lying crap about ourselves and we have to reject their lies and form our own opinions. And that is a brave act of defiance, for sure.
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Yeah I can def relate to that default state of negative thinking. It’s hard when you are in it. It feels suffocating and relentless. I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your posts and think you do a lot for the ritual abuse survivor community and I appreciate it.
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Oh, Leni!
You might have guessed I am in a low period right now. It means a lot to me that people find me helpful and tell me so. It’s a reality check to the critical part of me that is a left-over from childhood, the internalized voices of my parents and the cult’s teachings. I think I might write more about it, perhaps write my way out of this head set.
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I hope you do. I really understand how deep the programming is that makes us think and believe how low and worthless we are. It’s sad. I am glad you can hear me saying the opposite for you though! We need the programming to be challenged and sometimes it is others that can do it for us. I hope you have a good day.
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