The Unconscious

* Detailed instructions for making comments are in “News Items.”

* Candlemas is right around the corner, on February 2. I always found that this was a hard Satanic holiday to remember, as it lives on only as Groundhog Day. I hope that all of you have remembered it is coming up and have made plans for safety and to minimize the amount of misery that flashbacks may bring.

You can read about the background of Candlemas at The history of Valentine’s Day is at


The idea of an unconscious has always seemed peculiar to me. How can I know something, remember something, feel something physically and emotionally, and not know I know, remember or feel it? When I think about that, it is really spooky.

Where are all these things I don’t know located? It’s not like I have a giant filing cabinet in my brain stuffed full of things unknown to me. Or a library of microfiches, which would take up less room. Does it have its own little corner of the brain, or does it piggyback on a part that stores things that I am conscious of?

Apparently, the conscious and the unconscious mind are pretty much the same thing, so there is no separate place for information stored in the unconscious. When things happen, the same areas of the brain light up – and almost all the brain is active in processing sensory information and storing it, whether we later can access it or not. The main difference is that trauma memories are stored as blocks of sensory information, while non-trauma memories are stored as narrative.

We, can, however, direct our awareness only to certain things; what we are doing in the moment and what we can remember if we wish. The amount of things we can easily remember is quite small compared to all the things that we have lived through. I know what I ate for breakfast this morning and one marvelous breakfast in Italy comes to mind easily but that leaves about 29,000 unaccounted for.

We can stretch our minds and get access to some stuff that was previously inaccessible. For example, I studied calculus in high school. About the only memory I have of calculus is that I spent a year studying it and that I liked it. And the phrase “asymptotically approaching zero.” The rest is lost to me – it is in my unconscious.

Now if I start studying calculus again, chunks of what I learned in high school will come back to me and I will learn more quickly than I did back then. Part of my unconscious has become once more conscious.

But I still find it spooky. How do some things get forgotten and others remembered? How can we forget something even as it is happening? This has happened to me, in everyday life, when I lost control of my car on a snowy road. I remember the moment I lost control, then nothing until I found myself in a snow bank with no idea of how far I skidded or whether I had spun or not.

It gets more complicated when multiplicity is added to the mix.

Okay, I know the theory. Trauma causes the mind to split and, if the same trauma is repeated, that split continues to evolve until it appears to have a separate identity with its own history, memories, and its own unconscious. Alter A may not know a word of German and Alter B may speak German fluently. Alter C remembers going to college and Alter D has no memories of anything that happened after age six. And all these alters may have forgotten some of the same things and so, in a very real sense, they share the same unconscious as well as having their own unconsciousnesses.

Back to how one piece of information is selected for conscious recall and the myriad other memories are not.
I fondly recall knowing a young gay man named Bobby who called himself Sonny when he went out dancing.

No problem, very normal. He only began to consider that he might be multiple when Karen came on the scene to choose whether he went out clubbing and therefore was Sonny or whether he stayed home as Bobby.

So do I have a Karen that chooses what I can remember and what stays firmly in my unconscious? I doubt it. But even if I did, it wouldn’t explain how Karen chooses. Does Karen have access to everything that happened to me? Does she have no unconscious? And what would motivate her to choose one thing to share with me and not another?

And animals? Do they have an unconscious, or do they have access to everything that ever happened to them? How could we tell, anyway?

The more I brood over these things, the spookier it gets. Multiple or singleton, the mind is mysterious and will surely not give up its secrets in my lifetime. It’s best just to accept that some things are so without worrying about why or how it works.

Guess I am lucky to have a mind, lucky to be able to ask unanswerable questions, lucky to be able to live with uncertainty.


Upcoming Holidays

2/2 S Candlemas/Imbolc/Satanic Revels
2/14 Valentine’s Day
2/18 President’s Day/Washington’s Birthday
2/19 Full moon
2/25 Walpurgis Day

3/1 St. Eichstadt’s Day
3/5 Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras
3/6 Ash Wednesday/Beginning of Lent
3/17 St. Patrick’s Day
3/20 Full moon
3/20 Spring Equinox
3/24 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan

4/1 April Fool´s Day
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/14 Palm Sunday
4/19 Full moon
4/19 Good Friday
4/20 Holy Saturday
4/21 Easter Sunday
4/26 Grand Climax/De Meur
4/30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve

Dates Important to Nazi and Neo-Nazi groups
3/20 – 3/21 Purim (Deliverance of the Jewish people from Haman in Persia)
4/19 – 4/27 Passover/Pesach (Deliverance of the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt)
4/20 Hitler´s actual birthday
4/21 Hitler’s alternative birthday ((Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual birthday and half-birthday on 4/20 and 10/20. His alternate birthday is celebrated on Easter of the current year and his alternate half-birthday six months later.)
4/30 Anniversary of Hitler’s death

(NOTE: Not all groups meet on Jewish holidays. Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, Halloween, the solstices and the equinoxes)

11 thoughts on “The Unconscious

  1. I want to explain why I didn’t immediately approve your comments, as I usually do. I was at The Infinite Mind’s “Healing Together” DID conference in Florida. and I didn’t want to be distracted by email or Internet. It was fantastic, and I will be writing about it this week.

    I also had just read that you shouldn’t tell the world when you are going to be away because it might invite a robbery. Shouldn’t put “out of the office” messages on your emails, either. I think, today, that that’s a little paranoid, but I guess I was feeling vulnerable going to this conference for the first time.

    So it’s not you, it’s me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The id. Intetesting subject.
    I got hit in the eye with a baseball around 1970.
    When i came to, i could speak high german, but englush was beyond me.
    It was surreal, everything was new, trees grass people, my friends talked me back after a couple of hours…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, your friends must have been totally bewildered! And, depending on how much you knew, you might have been bewildered, too. I’m glad you can speak English now, cause my German is so rusty it’s nonexistent.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Geez Jean! That’s too much for this brain to even begin to understand! But I love you for making my brain work.
    I didn’t even know it was Candlemass today. I have no idea what happened, who was involved, it’s a blank..
    is that good or bad? Being as I don’t remember anything, then I’m going to let it go. My choice.
    I recall meeting my fat MPD. One question she asked was if I knew what happens on Candlemass. Again, nothing.
    I’ve been thinking about this recently. Do I really need to know anymore stuff. I’ve been digging up stuff for 30yrs now..
    Have I gained anything from learning? Sure,, panic, mania, fear, disgust……not a pretty picture..So why do I need toI need to dig any further. I’ve decided to put things to rest.
    I’m helping 2 girls I met. I’m not tell I g them the nitty gritty, just telling them how I made my system. How it works, etc only giving them safe, helpful experiences.
    Gosh I want a cigarette! I’m proud to safe I have a month free!! Yay! Bells and whistles please!!! I can’t hear you!!
    Come on Dorie and Jade, and any others who belong here.
    Jean, I will be ask I g Kat n Jess off they want to join our group here. We have an abundance of information….from saying hello to let them know they are not alone, our may be they can gain some insight.
    For today I choose to be blissfully ignorant to the date.
    I haven’t been around, miss you guys.

    Huggsss to all!,,

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, Tracy, good to see you! By all means, tell everybody you meet about the blog.

      A month without a cigarette!!!!!! You are one strong woman. I smoked up until 10-15 years ago but still take those nicotine lozenges. I figure they are a lot better for me than ciggies and every time I tapered off them I bought a pack within a day.

      I too have no idea what happened on Candlemas, and don’t much care. I have few memories compared to others, but get a lot of mileage out of them. I figure it’s how I live with the knowledge I have that counts, and if something comes up on its own, fine, and if it doesn’t, fine.

      I hope you get some peace and love for your selves.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! You write like a bandit. I’m so glad you pointed me to this post. Folks, it’s a simple metaphor, a house with many rooms, but it’s the writing that is exceptional. Check it out.

      Thank you for this gift!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow! Thank you Jean. It’s my way of helping people see the importance of the fundamental wholeness in DID. The Hall is the central aspect- it connects the outside world (and the abusers) to the inner world. With the front door’s security being the crucial ‘key’ to rebuilding security and interconnectedness between the rooms.


  4. ” I know what I ate for breakfast this morning and one marvelous breakfast in Italy comes to mind easily but that leaves about 29,000 unaccounted for.”
    Jean, this particular post was clear, and thoughtful and the breakfast part was so perfect as an illustration. Thankyou for putting this out there. Very sincerely appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

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