I’m Having Cataract Surgery!!!

Upcoming Holidays

January
1/31 Full Moon (Blue Moon)
1/31 Total lunar eclipse
February

2/2 Candlemas/Imbolc
2/13 Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras
2/14 Ash Wednesday/Beginning of Lent
2/15 Partial solar eclipse.
2/14 Valentine’s Day
2/25 Walpurgis Day
March

3/1 Full Moon
3/20 Spring Equinox
3/24 Feast of the Beast/Bride of Satan
3/30 Good Friday/Death of Jesus Christ
3/31 Full Moon (Blue Moon)
April
4/1 Easter Sunday
4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/8 Day of the Masters
4/10 Full Moon
4/16 – 4/23 Grand Climax/Da Meur/ (Preparation for sacrifice in some Satanic sects}
4/30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve
Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups
1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany
4/20 Hitler’s birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual birthday, 4/20, and Easter of the current year. His alternate birthday is 4/1 this year.)
4/30 Anniversary of Hitler’s death
(Some groups also mark Candlemas, Beltane, Lamas, Halloween, solstices, equinoxes, and full moons.)

I’m Having Cataract Surgery!!!

This blog is a mixture of personal experiences and educational/factual/background/ research on ritual abuse or other topics that impact survivors. This month is going to be totally personal. I feel so into myself, and rightfully so!

In ten days I am going to have cataract surgery. I’m excited and terrified and looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time.

They do one eye at a time in case there is a problem, even though problems are very rare. My bad eye, which cannot pass the driver’s test any more, is first in line. (The DMV judges people by their best eye.) The optometrist called my better eye “borderline.” Funny or not?

There is a follow-up appointment the next day and another in a week. At that point I will know how well it worked and how well I will be able to see. The possibilities are:

*worse than before, with a need for follow-up treatment, even perhaps further surgery
* pretty darn good: will still need distance glasses
* prefect far vision, except for my astigmatism: will still need distance glasses
* prefect far vision, no need for distance glasses

I’m expecting to still have astigmatism, though the surgeon says it is quite possible it will go away. I will need glasses for computer work, of course, and perhaps a second set for reading. I don’t mind – I am used to glasses – had them ever since first grade. Only thing I don’t like about them is how easy they are to lose.

I had a friend who had his cataracts removed. Before they grew he had 20/20 vision. Afterwards it was even better! He raved over being able to see individual pine needles on trees. This is what I am dreaming of – being able to see details I have never seen before in my whole entire life.

There will be far less glare at night and no more pretty halos around traffic lights. Colors will be sharp and bright again. I am expecting it to be like the difference between colors on a foggy day and on a bright crisp sunny day. Can’t wait!

Of course there is a down side. There always is. For me, it is related to ritual abuse. When I was a child, they told me that if I ever told, they would slash my eyes and blind me.

They made sure I took their threat seriously by running dental instruments inside my eyelids. And, oh, did I believe them. For years I practiced for the day I would be blind. I walked around with my eyes shut, I dressed myself with my eyes shut. I even learned to put on lipstick perfectly with my eyes shut.

And now they will be cutting my eye open for real. They will also tape my head to the chair so that I will not be able to move and mess things up. I’ve worked for many years on the “I’ll blind you” flashbacks at the dentist, but I have not yet encountered a situation where I might have a flashback to having my head immobilized.

I’ll have “conscious sedation,” which will help. And I will tell the anesthesiologist and the rest of the staff to talk constantly in order to keep me anchored to the present. I have found that this both prevents flashbacks and gets me out of one if I slip into it. So I am not worried (Oops, I promised myself I wouldn’t lie any more, and I just did! Well, only a little bit worried. That’s better.)

I will try my best to have a post ready and waiting for the 30th. Even if I don’t, I’ll let you all know how it went.