Upcoming Holidays
December
12/3 Full Moon
12/21 St. Thomas’ Day/Fire Festival
12/21 Yule/Winter Solstice
12/24 Christmas Eve/Satanic and demon revels/Da Meur/Grand High Climax
12/15 Christmas Day
12/31 New Year’s Eve
January
1/1 New Year’s Day
1/1 Full moon
1/13 Satanic New Year
1/17 Feast of Fools/Old Twelfth Night/Satanic and demon revels
1/31 Full moon (Blue moon. A blue moon is the second full moon in any given month.)
February
2/2 Candlemas/Imbolc
2/14 Valentine’s Day
2/13 Shrove Tuesday/Mardi Gras
2/14 Ash Wednesday (beginning of Lent)
Dates important to Neo-Nazi groups
1/30 Hitler named Chancellor of Germany
When Major Life Events Coincide with Satanic Holidays
I just hate when that happens. Before I knew what had gone on in my childhood, those days were filled with anxiety. I figured it was normal apprehension, but now I realized past fear was amplifying the feelings of dread without my knowing it. So I attributed all the anxiety to the present.
Of course this continued until I remembered the ritual abuse. Only then could I separate past and present. I started to think of the present as a big trigger and handle my emotions accordingly.
There are two main times in the year when important events in my life occur on or near Satanic holidays.
One is Thanksgiving, which my cult celebrated. I was married the Saturday after Thanksgiving; we chose that day because it was a long weekend and it therefore was easier for out-of-state family members to attend. To make things more triggery, we were married in a civil ceremony in my parents’ home. I have no idea why other places were not considered.
My husband was not cult, and it was not an arranged marriage. There was no Satanic observation of the marriage that weekend, and we never visited my parents on subsequent Thanksgivings. My husband and I did not make a big deal of wedding anniversaries but I still felt very anxious and upset on Thanksgiving.
Now that I am alone, I try to avoid spending Thanksgiving with others and buy take-out Asian or Ethiopian food for a solitary dinner. Some years I do a major project, something that will last a long time and remind me that the present is very different from the past. One year, for example, I painted the inside of the garage.
This year two friends joined me in visiting a third friend. We talked about some serious things, laughed a whole lot, and did some outrageous things. I went swimming in the hotel pool in my underwear and felt wicked, in a good way. The combination looked like a really nice tankini: a black lace camisole and black panties.
The other horribly difficult time for me is around Beltane. Just look at this cluster of events!
April 27 my husband’s death
April 29 my younger daughter’s birthday
April 29 my husband’s funeral
April 30 my older daughter’s birthday
May 1 Beltane
It is quite possible that I had been programmed to have children on or near Beltane, even though I had not attended any rituals in over five years and only saw my parents briefly and surrounded by safe people.
It’s not uncommon for cult families to try and arrange for the birth of their children on a date that has significance for them. I knew one family with two children, one born on Beltane, the other on Halloween. Linda Walker researched Mormon genealogy and presented her results at conferences, but did not, to my knowledge, publish her findings. She found that, in some family trees, births, marriages, and deaths clustered around Satanic holidays, including the lesser known ones, like Candlemas and Lamas.
My husband’s death had nothing to do with his children’s birthday or Beltane; it was a simple coincidence. He died of sudden heart failure and there was no way of predicting or controlling it. The timing made me angry, not so much for myself as for my children, whose birthdays would always be intertwined with intense sadness.
And so major events often cluster around a Satanic holiday. This can be from programming or from sheer coincidence. (Not everything in the world is controlled by cults!) It’s a double whammy. Past and present grief, fear, anger, and sometimes even joy get all mixed up, adding to the burden the cult has left us with for the rest of our lives.
Ritual Abuse 
I’m done guys. I have no more hope, total despair.
For over a year n half I’ve been looking for so done to reprogram me. I have searched All over, made calls, texts, chats and can’t find d anyone who knows SRA.
I contacted one guy who came recommended AND HE SPOKE MY LANGUAGE! He knew about it, had worked with people……I FOUND MY PERSON! I felt hope!
I asked if he was willing to cut his fees ….his response was, “Nope”. I begged him! I understand and respect their worth, but how can they turn their back on someone whose been in 60 yrs of pain?? Their gifts are God given……yet he turned me away. I had someone! I had hope at last, his refusal has devasted me. The heaviness in my heart is crushing me. I’ve been crying all day. I’m leaving therapy, she doesn’t get it.
My insiders are so sad, feeling a darkness. We’re done. We have to leave. This final rejection….destroyed us., I have no one to call ,so I write here. No one to talk too. No one to hold me. And I apologize , I shouldn’t even be writing this.
Blessings of Love and Freedom
LikeLike
Of course you should be writing this. It’s what is going on with you, stark truth. This is an okay place to talk about despair as well as happiness in healing. You thought you had found the solution, found what you needed, and then it was yanked away from you. Of course you feel desolate!
I don’t think you want to hear this, but I’d like to share my experience and opinions about “deprogramming.” I’ve never thought it was salvation: it always seemed to me to be a shortcut, too good to be true, and using the perpetrators tools to “deprogram.” That makes those tools seem even more powerful – and “deprogramming” seemed to me to be just another sort of “reprogramming.” Plus which the few people I knew of who offered this struck me as being very charismatic and rigid, sometimes unethical. I don’t work well with people who want to take over and tell me it has to be done their way and I don’t work at all with people I don’t respect.
I finally found a therapist who I respect highly who had trained under one of the better known deprogrammers and I decided to take a chance and try it. I found that it consisted of rather simple hypnotic techniques to give “the alters who knew what happened” a voice – or in my case, the unconscious. This was followed by a renunciation of the instructions originally given. Everything was done with respect, using my own understanding and my own words. We were a team.
Afterwards, I found it wore off unless I continued to reinforce it. So the work was not a solution, it was practicing tools I already knew about with a person I trusted. No magic!
That person is no longer seeing clients, as she has health issues. It’s a shame, because I would have referred people to her.
Tracysra, I think the problem is that you don’t have a person to work with that you can trust. That’s where the real healing comes from: a relationship with a caring, patient person who is on your side thick or thin. Knowing a lot about sra is less important, IMO. If you want to know more about where I am coming from, check out the posts here on “choosing (or is it evaluating?) a therapist.
If after you have grieved this harsh loss, you would like some suggestions for finding a therapist, I can give you a couple of resources. Tears are healing, and you might feel more hopeful after you have cried and cried.
I’d like to give you a gentle — if you don’t want one, just throw it away.
LikeLike
Jean, After 3 days of Bobbys verbal abuse and negative energy, I knew I had to break it off. I don’t know if the cancer has traveled to his brain,, or his alcohol and narcotic intake has made him…..irrational, negative and not understanding things I say. I will repeat what I’ve said in the simp,ist terms, and he gets passed off, calls me every name in the book . Empathically I’m drained. So I made the decision to stay away. It felt so nice!
Yet tonite he calls from the hospital to come get him and his friend cos they crashed his car. I couldn’t say no. He can be so sweet when he needs something. Again jumping into the nurse role, I got them home and had to watch and listen to negative chit.
I got Tommy situated, who should have stayed in the hospital cos he hurt his back bad. Bobby offered to let him stay in his recliner for the nite, but Bobby nodded out in said recliner while Tommy sat suffering in a hard chair. Anyway, I got Tommy in the chair , got him comfortable and left.
Then I sat out in my car crying ,,again.. I need to jump to a new post cos I am losing it.
LikeLike
Oh, that’s horrible. How easily we get sucked back into a bad situation when we feel there is a need. We’ve been trained for that – and we respond so quickly there is no time to step back and think. The hospital could have told Tommy he was leaving AMA, or they could have arranged to get them home, or they could have taken a cab, but you didn’t have time to think of other options.
There is a one-response-fits-all phrase: “Let me think about that.” It gives you the time you need to evaluate the situation. Took me ages to slow down enough to remember that phrase, butI think I am getting the hang of it finally!
LikeLike
We get very confused when we’re having an off day. Is it a holy day? Full moon? Preparation day? I even looked back at the date of my conception to see if it was a holy day. Why are we trapped in this horror? They sure knew how to screw up a girls life!
I love you swimming in your skivvies! You wild woman!
I posted the site….Survivorship.org. I listened to some of the previous speakers and one ruined one of my ways of relaxing. I used to listen to different meditation tapes, 432Mhz, for this, 928mhz for that, or would pick an alpha, beta or theta based meditation depending on my needs. While listening to the one speaker who spoke about mind control, he talked about how they used, alpha, Beta and theta waves in hynosis and programming. Now I’m concerned about listening to them cos I don’t want to get triggered. Without a solid foundation of meditation and yoga, I get way off base. My moods are dark and I isolate in my room. I’m down in the much over the past two weeks cos I don’t have my support and relaxation practices.
I’m also realizing I’m a magnet for “sick” people. I have 3 Ausperger friends who are at times difficult to deal with and now I have Bobby, who has 3rd stage lung cancer and AFIB. He calls me in crisis times, like when he can’t breathe, and Nurse Tracy goes running down with a nebulizer to bring him thru. Add on my newest MPD girl, who is in crisis too. Her father left the earth under bad circumstances and a whole load of new alters came forward. So I have T, G, J, B, and K who must have seen the KMart special sign over my head and call me at 2am in the morning. My one nite consisted of getting home from Bobby’s at 12am, getting a crisis call from J that lasted til 5am, and then Bobby calling at 9am not being able to breathe. It takes me 2 days to recover from a Bobby day, and if G or J calls, I’m burnt out!
I know I need to protect myself and set boundaries, but I’m a caretaker! That’s been my life! I can’t let a girl who is suicidal/homicidal try to work it out on her own! She has no one who knows to talk too! Her friend K is new to it so she sends her to me. I can easily jump into therapist or nurse role, but my body is starting to revolt. I’ve been nauseous with sweats, then freezing the past two days.
I’m very good at.both my “jobs”, wish I would get paid for. My time. That sounds selfish, but 3 hrs of being a Podiatrist on Bobby’s Nueroalgic, edema filled legs and 3 hours of bringing a newbie down from major meltdown………I don’t know…Just …I don’t know. Tracy & co
LikeLike
I used to get confused when I didn;t have an off day! But it sloooowly got better.
I find this site great for the number of sounds you can meditate to. mynoise.net. I’m sorry you got scared off of your practice.
You know, not all perps used brain waves for programming. That’s one concern I have about Survivorship: they tend to assume that whatever issue they are talking about applies to everybody. There is a lot of variety in different cults and therefore in different survivors. You have a=to ask inside to find out if something applies to you.
Oh dear, it will be real hard to set boundaries with people in so much distress. Can you set phone hours just like a “normal” therapist? And maybe write out instructions on what to do if you aren’t available, along with resources available to the person. And a note saying, “I am trying to give you more resources, nit to take something away form you. But I am making myself sick by doing ot much and if I am out of commission I will be no use to you at all.” I sound rejecting to my own ears using those words. I am sure you can be more diplomatic!
LikeLike
I have always hated thanksgiving and never knew why? Thank you
LikeLike