Surrounded by Guardian Fairies

10/13 Backwards Halloween

10/13 Friday the Thirteenth

10/22 – 10/29 Preparation for All Hallows’ Eve

10/31 Halloween/Samhain/All Hallows Eve
There are two previous posts on Halloween:  
11/S Full Moon

11/3 Satanic Revels

11/23 Thanksgiving
12/3 Full Moon  
12/21 St. Thomas’ Day/Fire Festival 
12/21 Yule/Winter Solstice
12/24 Christmas Eve/Satanic and demon revels/Da Meur/Grand High Climax
12/15 Christmas Day
12/31 New Year’s Eve

Important dates in Nazi groups
11/9 Kristallnacht

11/11 Veteran’s Day: Armistice, 1918


Surrounded by Guardian Fairies

Years ago, a colleague of mine was moving to the country from the city. She said, “Jean, I have a Parking Fairy. Would you like him?” I jumped at the chance and gladly accepted her offer.

The Parking Fairy has been very good to me all these years. Occasionally he will deny me a space when he disapproves of my plans. This happens, for example, when I am circling a pizza place.

One day, after trying to back carefully out of the garage and just accumulating more paint on my car doors, I sighed and said, “Parking Fairy, I sure wish there was a Driving Fairy.” Then it occurred to me there probably was, and all I had to do was ask the Parking Fairy to introduce me to him. So I did, and he did, and I am very grateful. I think they are relatives, probably brothers, or at the very least, cousins.

I’ve found that fairies can’t read my mind, so I have to talk out loud to them. And of course I or we get to hear what I say, too. I ask him to help me/us drive carefully, alertly, and safely. Also to stay aware of where my car is on the road, where all the other cars are, and that I make sure I know if there are motorcycles or bicycles or pedestrians around. And it is very good to be aware of traffic lights and stop signs and construction and those sorts of things.

I also tell him where I want to go and name all the stop signs, bicycles etc that I see on the way. That way he can tell if my attention is on my driving or if I have drifted off somewhere else. I also ask him every time if it is okay to turn the radio on. Sometimes it is. sometimes it isn’t.

My driving has improved vastly and my anxiety has gone way down now that I know I have a fairy riding shotgun!

I’m quite sure I could use a Walking Fairy. Last year I didn’t fall once, and this year I’ve fallen too many times to count. All the circumstances seem different, so it is hard for me to anticipate when I might fall. I’m not yet sure I have a Walking Fairy, but I can’t see a good reason why the Parking and Driving Fairies would deny me one. So I am starting to timidly talk to him, asking him to help me notice where my feet are and to scan the path I am following so I have some idea of what is coming up. Sorta like driving, come to think of it.

I know this sounds a little weird. Talking to cats or dogs seems normal. Talking out loud to yourself every now and then sounds normal. But talking out loud to fairies? All the time when I am in the car, and all the time when I am standing up or walking? I’ve never met anybody who did that, and I have never read about it, either.

But you know what? I don’t care. I live alone so nobody knows most of the time. When I visit somebody, or somebody visits me, I either talk to them in my mind (which isn’t nearly as effective), or whisper discretely. If I think the person wouldn’t freak out, I talk out loud as usual. I get some weird looks, but so far nobody has wanted to take me to the ER for a psych workup.

It may be unusual, but then I am unusual in a lot of other ways, too. All I can say is that it works for me.

38 thoughts on “Surrounded by Guardian Fairies

  1. To Earth and Sunstar- Please accept my apologies for repeating myself re our spiritualism. I don’t remember what I’ve written. While I was scrolling thru this post, I see I’ve already said the same things to you earlier. I know you can understand, but, my apologies.

    To other peeps, if I have repeated myself over n over, my apologies.

    I’m thankful this community will understand. You don’t find that in the real world.
    Apologies and thanx


  2. Jean, I was wondering if you have any information about the thing called ”backwards halloween”? A friend of my mine had a very bad experience being called back around that date and I am trying to find info so they dont have to (they arent really ok rigth now, but they are safe)


    1. Actually, I don’t. I heard somebody else report it, and said to myself. “Ha! That sounds like something they would do” First thing that comes to mind is that they do the Halloween ritual backwards.

      The most important thing for her now is to know it is a call-back date, and to plan how to keep herself safe next year. LIittle by little, she can gain more info from inside parts as they recover form this year’s experience.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just chiming in here. My immediate thought was Oct 13th, thirteen being backwards from the big day. I know it’s a really bad time now, but have no conscious explanation. My insiders know, they are upset and keeping me on high alert.

        Your friend must be early out from cult if they are calling her back. Poor thing. Keeping her safe and hidden ……that’s what we’re feeling strongly about. No phone calls, have someone with her at all times if possible, but especially if she goes out.

        It’s great she has someone like yourself looking out for her.

        Stay safe all



        1. Maybe it’s a dress rehearsal?

          Oh, I think you can be out for ages and they aren’t interested in you. Comes a time they want you for something and the call backs start coming, strongly. HAppened to me when my father died, and he wanted me to carry on for him. Before then, I was just too much trouble to bother with.

          But yeah, it’s much more common for them to try real hard to get you back when you leave.



          1. I think I kept my sanity thinking they would all be dead by now. That doesn’t take into account those who started with me at young age who continued the ‘tradition’.

            For rehearsal…….my thoughts/feelings are it’s all preparation time for the big day. These prep times are my worst. I get so manicky. Luckily this year, I’m sick, so nothing is phasing me. Well, except for those audiutory hallucinations I was having the other nite. It was as if I had 2 radios in my head. I could clearly hear different words, voices. I would have to concentrate on each side to hear what was being said. Strangest thing. It could very well be the cough syrup they gave me. I’m not that concerned. That’s a lie! Hell yes I’m concerned! It was old fashioned sounding, the sounds and voices. Maybe the sounds from the blaring noise in ‘the room’. I’m keeping it in the back of my mind and will delve more when I’m feeling better.

            You know what really bothers me this time of year is missing dogs, cats and kids. I here it and dread fills me. My immediate thought is they won’t be seeing them anymore. Hate it!

            Everyone stay safe. Know your angels are with you. All you have to do is ask for them and they will come.

            Blessings of Love and Light


            1. I’m sorry you are sick nad hope it is not too bad. But then maybe it is a needed break!

              I have a black cat and he never goes outdoors. Sometimes I want to adopt all the black cats without homes to keep them safe.

              If you want to talk more about two radios later that would be fine.


            2. Hiya! I have the flu and it’s been 2 weeks. It floats from gut to throat to chest, Tod my stomach feels horrible….I wonder when it will be over.

              I don’t think, no I k ow somehow, that the cult doesn’t just go for black cats. Any animal, any age person could be targeted. How can I say that so flippantly!?

              Ahhh, you know something about the two radios? It was the oddest thing. Didn’t know if I had crossed the line and was psychotic; was it an auditory flashback; was it my insiders….it was very strange because I could tell it came from an old radio, with the male voices sounding like those from that era. Please Jean, any insight you have, I would love to hear it.

              I will write very soon. Hello everyone! Please stop by and just say hi so we know your doing alright.



            3. Flu sucks!

              When you just say something like that, it’s cause you know it. My cult was sort of stingy: they went for cheap animals except for special occasions. Cats and dogs and chickens, that sort of thing. But black cats were popular around Halloween. I just say those things without any emotion.

              Okay, the radios.They used to do something they called “split brain programming.” They didn’t split the brain physically – what they did was put ear phones on the kid they wanted to program and sent different words/sounds/messages to each ear. So different alters got different messages at the same time. If they did it to a lot of alters they would have a “right group” and a “left group” that weren’t aware of each other. I don’t know if this is still popular. Sounds to me that it would be pretty time-consuming.

              Probably it wasn’t coming from the radios. They were playing tapes and had it rigged up so you thought it was on the radios: they were props, so to speak.

              Isn’t it something? You think you are psychotic and then it turns out to be an auditory flashback. I wanted to wait and tell you until you had more info from your insiders.They are the experts, of course.


            4. JUST SO YOU KNOW — I am having technical trouble replying and have decided to arm-wrestle WordPress tomorrow when I am am fresh. Haven’t forgotten you!

              Awesome answer Jean. It describes it perfectly. I recall straining to hear what the right ear was saying, then ‘switching’ to the left ear! (A lil play on words there! 🤗) The left ear was a man’s voice for sure, but the right was a Mish mash of sounds voices. It was an experience I’ve never encountered before. It was surreal, being in my head, struggling from one side to the other……I felt as if I was getting alien messages…….so odd and I don’t care to hear it again!

              I’m also having bits of flashbacks. I try to focus on what happened, but the noise makers distract me and poof, there goes the memory. I feel they are real, possibly even an event that I was present for, but I just can’t keep it clear long enough to get it. I couldn’t even tell you what any of it is, it was taken that far away.

              So why am I getting these flashbacks now?! Couldn’t they have come in my 30yrs of discovery?!!! Dr Rea was right, I do have one of the most complex systems he ever dealt with.

              I’m feeling uneasy as the Holy Day nears. Wanting to take medicine so I sleep. It’s not fair my insiders have to go thru this every year. I can’t stop them….I don’t know who’s feeling on edge. I can tell there is alot of scrambling going on inside. Like they are all running, getting this or that, some trying too hide, others boosting, it’s like a madhouse.

              When I first started this maddening journey, the docs would have me ‘map’ out my system. I used my torso and stipulated where each group was. I also had the ‘ Light side’ n ‘Darkside’ on separate sides of my body. I don’t know if they do that anymore.
              My point is, nowadays they refer to my insiders as , ‘Aspects of self’. That doesn’t sit well with us. They are saying all of this is held in my brain. 100+. alters all in my brain……No wonder I get such headaches! I get the synasis are firing like crazy, but my way is easier to grasp, for me. How do others do it? I’d really like everyone, if you want, to let me know. Would be interesting to hear.

              I went inpatient a couple of years back at the infamous Colin Ross Institute in Texas. Dr Ross felt that if all the insiders knew it was 2015,. we could all get better. He would have one of the young alters come out and look at their hands and miraculously see that it wasn’t the hand of a 7yr old anymore…..and Presto! We’d be cured. What an idiot. I personally don’t recommend his hospitals.
              What hospitals do you recommend? River Oaks in New Orleans is my all time favorite. Intelligent, up to date docs n therapists and alot of different modalities and classes to learn from.

              Talking bout stupid Ross’s place made us very sad. 2 very sad things happened while I was there an we don’t wanna talk nomore


            5. They say flashbacks come when you are ready to handle the information. You are still working hard after all those years!!

              Could the radio programming have some implication for having Light and Dark Sides on different sides of your body?

              No, it’s not fair that your insiders have to go through this now, and it wasn’t fair them either. In case some are doubting this – IT WASN’T THEIR FAULT IN ANY WAY!!!! And it will be over pretty soon, whether you believe that or not. if anybody wants them.

              I think pple should use whatever words describe themselves best; alters, insiders, parts, self-states, aspects of self, people, kids, whatever. It’s your mind and your body and you know it best.

              Hospitals? I’ve never been in patient, miracle of miracles. I consistently hear good things about Shepard-Pratt in Baltimore and I tell pple this. Del Amo in CA used to be good, but Colin Ross is now the Medical Director and I don’t recommend it. Have you been to River Oaks? If so, can you post more about it?


            6. Hello everyone! Writing from my sick bed STILL! I can’t believe how long this bug is hanging in.. I thought once Halloween was over it would go away… luck..
              Does anyone have a system that. Gets sick during yucky times?

              Your right Jean, call your system whatever you feel good about. I am a Mipid. MPD. I was diagnosed as such and we’re sticking to it. Therapists try to cram it down my throat that I’m this or that,……No, we are what we are!!!!

              River Oaks in Harahan, Louisiana is the best place to go if you need inpatient. That was my very 1st stop 30yrs ago and I’ve made 4 trips there. A sign of a good hospital is when the Docs you met 30 yrs ago are still there today.,which is the case of RO. In the Trauma Bldg, they care for Eating disorders, Vet PTSD, and PTSD. Our unit is a big open space with different seating areas, a ping pong table, the nurses all have their Masters and know how to deal with PTSD. Always available to talk. You see a shrink 2x’s a week and your therapist 5xs a week. Lots of classes- CBT,. DBT, Mindfulness, AM n PM Community meeting and Anger Management, which is my favorite. Art Therapy, Experiential and Music therapy. They load you with classes and activities, plus time for journaling, TV, movies and free time outside in a large courtyard. They have a walking or running track, basketball, frisbees or sunning .

              The place is well kept. You sleep 2 to a room and share a bath with another room. There is a separate dining hall that’s cafeteria style or you can eat on the unit. Mondays are the best-selling Red beans and rice with sausage, New Orleans style!
              Dan, who used to be a therapist is now Director of unit. Great guy. When 9/11 happened, Mayor Guiliani from NY called Dan to see what he could do for his people who were getting retraumatized cos of the constant news about 9/11. Dan told him to tell New Yorkers to turn off the TV’s. It was impressive that Guilliani called RO……it says alot about the caliber of knowledge they have and are respected.

              Anger Management is awesome. I loved it. You would have to be pretty stable and know who you wanted to aim your anger at. There was a large heavy foam block that 2 guys would hold. You picked who you wanted for your safe person, who would be the villian, who would be the antagonist who stood by the therapist. Therapist controlled evrerything– what the antagonist could say to you to egg you on..and you would scream and beat the hell out of the foam bag, or push it away. When I did it, they had to bring in 4 extra guys to hold the ‘bag’ cos I hit and pushed that sucker away!!! It’s very intense but cathartic. At the end, he would have you connect to your safe person and say the names of anyone involved, to ground you.I was chosen alot to play the villian or support cos I have a good repetoire of characters!!!!!

              The last time I went down to RO, my appendix was ready to burst on the plane! They made a stop I Tennessee to get me to a hospital and was in surgery within the hour of arriving. Couple of days later I finished my trip and got to RO. Eventful journey! 🤗

              If you have anymore questions, feel free to ask! I’ve been to Shepard Pratt. It’s OK, but not as active and in a more confined space which doesn’t suit me well.

              How did you fair over the holy days?

              Gonna take a nap.
              Be well. Blessings!


            7. Wow, the way you describe it makes me want to go there. Thank you for sharing so much! May I share it with my therapist? And maybe parts of it next time somebody asks about hospitals?

              Your post-appendix visit – so glad it didn’t rupture. I hope it was a laparoscopy and that the pain eased quickly.

              One question – you talked about PTSD but not ritual abuse. Are they knowledgeable about ritual abuse and government mind control?

              Also, what is the average stay. In the olden days, it was a full month. Now, I am not sure whether most places have a set time, like a week, or if it varies with the person’s situation. I had more questions, but I forgot!

              How did I fare? Worse than I thought, but way way better than any other year. I live on the third floor, which helps insulate me from the kids and partying. However, there was a shooting just before midnight a couple of blocks from where I live. I don’t have any details yet, which is disturbing, so I do not know if it was connected to Halloween or not. This neighborhood used to be real safe but in the last couple of years it has gotten quite scary. There is a lot of crystal meth which can make pple violent.


            8. Please do share with therapists and survivors. Would be nice to compile a list of hospitals and Docs who treat RA.
              Way back, a normal stay at River Oaks was 4-6 weeks. Now it’s 4 weeks. Who knows how long the gov’t will permit. They do take Medicare. They have a sister hospital called ‘Twin Oaks maybe, possibly in Ohio or midwest state

              I referred to it as PTSD to be politically correct. They call it the Trauma unit and they know all about RA. The nurses and staffers know how to deal if someone is flashing back. They are very aware of everyone on the unit. Even if a romance is starting, they put an end to it really quick.

              My therapist and I can’t find a deprogrammer. Docs n therapists won’t deal with it cos of death threats. My therapist was threatened when she was helping her daughter. It involved a daycare and she was trying to prosecute. Then came the death threats. Two other therapists I’ve had have been threatened.

              I was in my 50’s last stay, so they take anyone. I give the place full Thumbs up.


            9. Thanks for the additional info on River Oaks.

              I wouldn’t look for a deprogrammer, at least at this stage. There are all sorts of reasons why not, (not the least of which is the expense) but trust me – the work you are doing now is just as valuable and it will get you the same results. It’s just a different approach.

              Have you looked back through earlier posts here? Some of them spell out some of the ideas I am sharing with you, but at greater length and more clearly. Some won;t nterest you, of course. And don;t try and read them all at once – that’s advice I always give people and which I never followed, myself. Although I think it is excellent advice!


            10. Gosh, I don’t remember. What happens if you search for deprogramming?

              I don’t write very much about it – I tend to be more conventional and talk about working with alters.

              If you haven’t come across it, Alison Miller has some very good ideas in “Healing the Unimaginable: Treating Ritual Abuse and Mind Control.”


            11. Hah! I won the battle with WordPress and can reply today!

              thoughts — you said one “radio” was giving garbled sounds. Could that be linked to the noise makers preventing you from getting the memory? And could the split induced by the “radios” have anything to do with the split between the left and right side of your body and the Lightside and the Darkside? Maybe I am reading too much into this.

              When you say, “How do others do it?” what do you mean, exactly by it? Maybe I could ask on the main blog page. I’m not sure how many people follow comments, especially if they are on past pages.

              I hope you and all yours inside are aware that Halloween is over and are coming off high alert.


            12. I couldn’t find my post where I asked , “How do others do it”. I can’t recall what it was in reference too.

              I have taken your suggestions bout my “2 sided radio talk” and kinda skimmed it by my insiders. They all got very annoyed. ” It wasn’t us! It was a program!” Like I had said, I’ve never experienced it before, it was really like …… inner head experience. That prolly doesn’t make sense, but I don’t know how to explain it. I literally felt like I was inside my head listening to the words, noise. My head encapsulated me but my eyes and ears would slightly turn to get to the sound. It sounds lime I was hallucinating. It felt like I was hallucinating! It was so vivid.
              In the metaphysical sense, it would be lime having an outer Body experience , but instead I was inside my head.

              I haven’t seen my therapist for over a month now. I’m in my 3rd week of being sick, and she had some trainings to go to, so I can’t wait to talk to her about it.

              I believe you know more about it Jean than she does. She treats Vets with PTSD, but I’m her first RA . I seriously don’t believe I’ll ever get reprogrammed. It’s taboo!

              I appreciate you immensely Jean. You have knowledge that has helped me more than a session with my therapist. My deepest respect and Thank You for being a friend.

              How did you come to know all that you know? Research, if so, from what sites? Have you heard from Svali? I’d love to get her book. Or talk to her too.
              Wouldn’t it be wonderful to fi d a doc who knows all about this who would be willing to come on WordPress with us and help out!?!?

              I’m running out of steam. Fever is rising and headache is getting worse.

              I look forward to all your responses. I check everyday and get excited when I see something has been written. Thank you Jean. Huggsss


            13. How did I get all this information? By talking to survivors, in person, by e-mail, any way I could, listening and learning. Since 1992, a few people before then. So if you have 25 years to spare, you will know even more than me! :-)) Meanwhile, baby steps.

              Therapists often do better with their first clients than the experts would have. They pay close attention, they reach for learning in all sorts of different ways, they know that they don’t know a lot. Experts can get arrogant and bossy and burned out. Vets with PTSD are similar to us in some important ways and so I feel she has a background to work from.

              Don’t worry about searching for the question, if it is important it will come up again.

              This thing about programs and insiders. It wasn’t them, it was a program. I got real confused about this and ended up talking to my programs. Doesn’t make sense, that’s like talking to a math book, not the people who know the math. But it worked fine. The parts of me that needed to hear what I was saying were listening in.

              You see, the insiders are right. It *wasn’t* them! It wasn’t them that wanted to do that, not in their hearts and souls and rational minds. They were forced to do it by the program. Like it wasn’t my fault when I was little, I was forced to obey. I never in a million years would have done those things on my own. The program is a way that the perps taught them and forced them to obey.

              Maybe they could tell you more about the programs. And you could console them “what a horrible thing to tell a little kid…to do to a little kid.”


  3. Hi Earthenheartstone! Welcome ! I’m glad you’re here.In hopes of easing your mind, I’m just like you. I switch all the time. Some of the Tracy have kinda melded, so someone might start talking and kinda sound like Tracy, but it’s not. It’s so dam Confusing! I too have complex multiplicity.

    Please keep coming back. It’s comforting to know there are others out there that are like me, and Jean and Briana. Their the only names I know of so far.

    You can just read if you want. I hope I don’t trigger you….. I think that’s all our fears. But Jean created a safe place for me, and I will be disclosing some things that will be triggering. I’ll mark it in the beginning of the writing so everyone knows.

    Just hope you can learn to feel safe enough to hang out with all of Us!

    Bless you sweetie. You’re in good company…
    Heart Hugggsssss


    1. I should probably write a whole post about this.

      My philosophy is that anything can be triggering for somebody, and therefore there is no way to know what we can say and be sure it won’t be triggering. Rather than walking on eggshells, I think it is better to ask everybody to take care of handling it when they are triggered. Do what has worked before, ask for help, etc. And assume that the other person had no intention of triggering you – it wasn’t done on purpose.

      This has worked well for about 25 years of moderating email lists, running a bulletin board. etc. I have only run into problems three times, if I remember right.

      Of course, it’s nice to say “I’m going to talk about XYZ” so people can decide if they want to read it or not. But that’s not the same as a “trigger warning.” Oh, and often, it’s good to write out what you want to say and then put a title on it – “I’m going to talk about XYZ.” Cause not everybody knows what they are going to say until after they have said it!

      If you feel better putting a trigger warning, go ahead and do it, but know it isn’t necessary.


    2. Hello tracysra! I saw your reply today and can’t tell you how much it meant to me that another survivor felt like I was worth enough to reply to! I don’t really have any other survivor’s support and we both know that even though other support people are blessings in our lives there is a something special about connecting with someone that have lived somewhat similar lives! Every survivor’s story vary from time to time but the devastation left behind, for example, flashbacks, nightmares, body memories, losing time and the complex D.I.D. that doesn’t always serve us in a positive way! Yes, D.I.D. did keep me alive for decades but I totally agree with you when you said that it is so damn confusing most times! There are times when I find myself in deep despair so desperate to just be me and think for ONLY MYSELF instead of far too many inside that pop out at any given time without my awareness or memory sometimes for days or not at all! I could say much more but see that most people on this blog have very short replies and I don’t want to do the wrong thing! Just wanted to thank you for welcoming me and to let you know, also, that you are not in this battle alone, either! Sending positive energy and light your way…wherever that may be! Peace be with you tonight and all the days and long nights ahead!


      1. It’s pretty hard to do the wrong thing here. You can write as much or as little as you want, and it will be just fine. It’s great to have variety.

        And it is great to see the two of you relating and supporting each other!


        1. Hi Earthenhearthstone! Glad your here too! Thanx for letting me know you are of the Light. How come we didn’t have this safety net before? ! No need to answer that…..we already know.
          Please call me Tracy. When I was setting up to be on here, I was so confused!

          Do you have gaurdian angels, protective crystals and methods to protect yourself from negative energy?

          I made a huge leap and went out Saturday nite to a HS reunion!! To see people! Dance and sing, eat food in public! Had the best time……danced all nite. Had a fabulous time……I never go out…so it was really big for me.
          But- come 2pm Sunday, I felt something coming on and now have flu. Yuck.
          What went thru my head was….is it real sick…..or is my inside system just overworked so their gonna make me feel crappy…..crazy what this disorder does to us.

          At that note, I am exhausted just from writing and am cutting this short.

          Jean n earth, do you go thru not knowing if your really sick or if you’re ‘faking’ it?
          Blessings of love to my compadres! Be well everyone!
          Heart huggsss


      2. Hi earthheartstone. Do you have alters that use three words as a name? Just curious, saw another writing with that type of name.
        Sorry I haven’t been writi g you. There are times when I can’t even look at the blogs. Or other things get in my way.
        I’m not doing too good right now, but wanted to say hi..
        Sounds like your into the spiritual world, me too. Lately tho, meditation is impossible. Such a busy mind.
        I tried listening to a guided meditation done by my old mentor, and I fell asleep. I don’t know how much time went by, How many meditations she did…..who knows. Was thinking my higher self knew my alters would interfere,, so they put my to sleep so I could hear it while asleep and no noise impeding me getting what I needed to hear.
        I’m babbling.
        Bless you sweetie. Lots of Love and Light and all good things!


  4. Dear Jean,
    I became a member to your blog sight about a month or two ago and have wanted to leave comments almost every time I read your stories. I guess my problem is that there is so much chaos in my system right now and of course more than usual because of the current time of year! I am dealing with so much that I can’t focus on one thing to write because I don’t want to trigger anyone or compromise my safety through a sight that is quite readily able to read and I’ve had some trouble with disclosing information and it getting into the wrong hands! So where does that leave me and what am I really trying to say? I don’t know at this point because I’m constantly switching and focusing on one thing for more than 15 minutes or so is about the extent of what I am currently able to do! I do have a very good Christian therapist who I know you know because I asked her. Her initials are E.A. and I brought her up to you and she knows you. I have been working with her since August 2016 and although have made great strides still have more bad days than good! Due to the season, I have been experiencing some very difficult things and experiencing things that I never had before. I am a 41 years old S.R.A. survivor which comes from complex disassociation. I don’t feel comfortable disclosing any more information right now but maybe just trying to introduce myself and also continue to encourage you to keep on writing and I check your blog everyday! You may respond if you choose? Actually, I need all of the support that I can get! Thanks for reading and keep writing!!!!


    1. Welcome!!! I hope when you visit the blog you will find things that are helpful to you, both among the posts and among other people’s comments.

      I guess my advice would be to take it slow — you can always comment later, so there is no point in stressing out. And you are welcome to leave one sentence (or less!) in the comment section if you want.

      I can’t guarantee that what you you write won’t fall into the wrong hands, so maybe you could be careful not to give any information that you would worry about them knowing. It’s good to be cautious under such circumstances. I know the people who comment, but not everybody who follows, and certainly not everybody who reads but doesn’t follow. There is no way to screen readers of a public blog. Having said that, I have not heard of any problems over the years.

      I am glad you are making progress with your therapist; it took me a while to figure out the initials, but I did. I hope she knows that it is fine by me if she reads the blog, too, to see if I am giving any suggestions she might disagree with.

      Yes, October is a really hard month. Just try and remember that it will be over eventually. And that if childhood memories are surfacing, they are just that, memories. It is not happening now, even if it feels like it is.

      Don’t worry, I plan to keep writing for a long time!


    1. Hi Briana! I have a dragon, Actura. She is pink and told me her name. She will go thru my body and fire breathe any negative energies and Clear off my Chakrason.
      I have Fairies but don’t know names. If I’m being guided thru a meditation, and am told we are going into beautiful purple water, my Fairies do that. Again, they are the lower vibrations, but do have the jobs.
      I’very been told by several psychic/sensitive skin that I have 1000s of angels around me. I believe they came during our awful time. I want that for all of us, if you are inclined to believe in the different realms.

      Last nite I actually got out of my house to go to my High Schools all yr alumni reunion. WHAT A FANTASTIC TIME!!! I’m still smiling, Of course my
      Intuitive and Healing energy didn’t stop. I ran into a woman from a year ahead of me. When she said Hi, Bells went off. I asked her how she was, she said fine, then I moved right in front of her and asked seriously how she was. She was not good at all, I knew it.
      Later she came up to me and we chatted. I asked again, same answer, so I told her there’s something more. She agreed to let me scan her. I felt something on the left side of her head, a spot on her back and didn’t even have to feel her belly to know she had problems there. Once again, I was blown away. She had brain cancer right where I just touched her!!!!!!! I’m picking up brain cancer!?!?!? Holy Cow! I really need a mentor to guide me thru my ‘talents’……cos it’s kinda scary……
      Anyway, I’m exhausted, need to soak all the sweat from last nite, and then I’m going to bed early.
      I hope everyone is doing well.
      Tracy &Co


  5. Hi Jean, We got thru this past week… yay! My state of mind was really negative.

    Thank you for your gentle words. I know I am a mess and when I write I just let it flow.

    I should know who is who and have them talk to each other. But, that hasn’t happened in 30 yrs. I know alot of them by name, some how they came about, but not that their having convos between each other. It’s either my defenses(programming) or I’m scared to do the work.. We say we’re going to journal, etc and it never lasts for more then a week. Right now thinking about it…..there is a “force” that pulls my mind away and has me think, “Oh, you have to do this or that, you don’t have time”, just a constant distraction.

    I’m in a quandry over what to do today. My high school is having an all grads reunion. So many different years will be going. I was excited, now I’m talking myself out of it. People will def ask,” So what do you do?”. “Umm, well I’m disabled and spend time dealing with having multiple personalities and trying to figure out what my life was as a child. So, what do you do?”. Idread the questions. Really debating if I’m going to go. Sucks to be afraid to go out amongst people.

    I hope your day is wonderful.


    1. Journaling sounds so formal and grown up. How about post-it notes? Or index cards, something less stuffy.

      You can’t make pple talk to each other. You can give them permission, “It’s okay by me if any of you want to say things, either to me or some others or to yourself. But you don’t have to.” And remember that there is no one right way to do things!

      I hope you made a decision that is the very best one for you, given all the pros and cons of going. An all-years sounds a bit like a zoo, but you could always talk to pple younger than you who probably don;t give a rats ass what you are doing, just themselves! Age-appropriate behavior.

      My day was good. I got out in the garden for the first time in days and had a lot of fun cutting down dead things. Weeding is one of the few ways I feel good about being destructive. LOL


  6. The Isis I referred too saboteur is not all capital letters. Spell check mistake. There is an angel named Isis, female who is a mighty warrior with a sword. She is known as a warrior and will cut down negative energies that might be around me.

    OK, that freaks me out……who wrote “sabotuer” after Isis’S Name? I wrote above and whomever wrote sabotuer.
    What’s going on with me?! Why are they sneaking out and saying things like That?,!

    Is it to confuse Me? Are they telling me Isis is not the angel I thought she was, a protector and fighter? Why do they do that?,?! Once again I feel less in control. Or maybe I’m going crazy. That’s what they want Right?

    JEan, what’s happening to Me?


    1. Saboteur might not be a bad adjective for the Islamic State, referred to as ISIS these days.

      So the part of you who caught that you mean the angel tried to point it out but unfortunately it didn’t get communicated right. Happens all the time to everybody until your parts get to know each other well enough to know what the other is trying to say, or to ask. So no, I don’t think you are going crazy, or that there is anything the matter with you in this case..


  7. Hi. I’m still here, sadly. Wish I wouldn’t wake up everyday and get pissed when I do. Chatty way to live.
    I have Driver, who makes sure I get home from wherever. And I don’t find d it necessary to say it out loud.
    There are Fairies and Angels. Fairies are of a lower vibrational realm. Like animal spirits, water spirits, dragon ,etc.
    When I’m able to meditate, I silently ask them all to come help me. If I am going to do a healing g on someone, I call on ISIS, Archangels Micheal and Rafael, Amma, Quin Yan, Bhuddha and any other quite that comes to mind. They know what their abilities are, and act accordingly. As I stand in silence with my hands palms faced up, I will feel them as they come. My hands get tingly and hot sometimes the goosebumps, but they let me know they are there to help me, and protect me from taking in whatever ails the person I’m working on.
    It’s scary and amazing when people tell me I’very found the spot. Animals let me know in there own way. I’very been connecting to dogs recently and it’s very cool. Still the uncertainty of what I’m doing and if I did it right scares me.
    I’m coming from a metaphysical point of view, I hope it doesn’t offend anyone, but I wish to share a truth with everyone.
    We are all born with 2 guardian angels. Always, everybody has them. I have 3 which is unusual, but I’ll take them. One is an Indian. So trying to figure out who is who , is daunting. I just accept that fact.
    I helped my friend out the other day. I was….glad to have helped his ails, but I don’t know how I’m doing good it. And I wasn’t doing a healing on him! I was scanning his body token see where he was Hurting! But I helped, so that was good.
    Try not to examine who the spirits or Fairies are….just let it be and know they are there to help you when asked for.


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