Problems with Blog Writing

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9/1 Start of WW II
2
9/17 Hitler’s alternate half-birthday

10/16 Death of Rosenburg

10/19 Death of Goering

10/20 Hitler’s half-birthday
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11/11 Veteran’s Day: Armistice, 1918

Problems with Blog Writing

Way back in the olden days, before the Internet had pictures, there were forums that discussed different topics. No moderators, no way to block messages, just free and open speech. Sounds great, but free and open meant that the forums had no way of banning posts that said, “You are the biggest idiot on earth,” or worse. They therefore had a finite life span. Trolls chased out the serious members and then got bored when there was nobody to rage against. But the forums were very helpful in the beginning.

I found a group called “Alt Sexual Abuse Recovery” (ASAR). I read every post and wrote a fair amount. After a while I noticed that people rarely answered my posts with support, information, or questions. Or flames, for that matter. I wondered what the matter was, so I got up my courage and asked.

The answer was totally unexpected. “You write too well. There is nothing left to say after reading one of your posts.” I was shocked and baffled. I really didn’t think I wrote well at all. Inside, I wondered whether what I was talking about was off-the-wall odd or else common knowledge and therefore boring.  I ached for support and didn’t get much.

For a while I tried to write badly. It reminded me of a failed effort to get friends in grade school. I decided that the reason the other kids didn’t like me was because I was too smart, so I tried to do badly on tests. I got poor marks, but no friends. I still had a big invisible sign on me, “Stay away. No friends wanted.”

I was hoping that the comment section would become a little community, with people writing each other, sharing resources and supporting each other. Compared to what I had hoped for, there are few comments. But I am very grateful to those that do comment and try to answer each one.

The problem must be that somehow my writing communicates, “No comments needed or wanted.” Too well written? I can see that the posts are tidy – everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. My fourth grade teacher would be pleased.

Maybe I should practice leaving off the end — it’s the hardest part to write, anyway. Maybe people wouldn’t like my writing as much and would comment and tell me so. Maybe it’s something else entirely, something I can’t see. Maybe it is all in my head.

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33 thoughts on “Problems with Blog Writing

  1. Oh sweet Jean……you are a love. I have a half written post waiting to be posted re one of your last posts. I will finish it today.

    You are a great writer. I sometimes fear my father will see how bad of a writer I am and bring me down to the formal dining room and destroy my writing with his red fine point marker, making me doubt myself. Critism on ones personal thoughts…aacckkk! He even wanted me to reword a poem I wrote the nite my mom passed. Bustard.! I stood my ground that time and there were tears in people’s eyes when the clergyman read it at the service.

    Suppose that was another way of keeping me down, making me feel stupid. Other people say I am a fantastic writer, that I should write a book about my past. That scares me cos I’m afraid of the old man coming back and critiquing me! Lol

    Please keep posting Jean. I sincerely appreciate having someone I can chat with re the unspeakable.

    Huggsss

    1. Thanks! I think this is the first time somebody has told me their father rewrote their poetry. Mine did, too. I thought mine were better. If I had ever handed in his the teacher would have know it was written by an adult.

      It wasn’t him that mad it hard for me to write, it was technical writing and the engineers wouldn’t look at my draft to see if it was correct so I started to introduce really sill errors. Then they got serious but changed my every comma. Very unpleasant!

  2. We read all of your blogposts and sometimes we leave a comment, too. Your way to write is really good! We like the way you explain your personal live Situation and give usefull information at once. But it never was a barrier to us to write a comment. Sometimes we just have to think in silence about it first or we haven’t the time, are tired or feel powerless. Perhaps this are reasons for other readers too. 🙂

    1. Yes, I think they are reasons for other readers. too. I know they are for me, when I read others’ blogs.

      Thanks for the feedback. Sometmes I think nobody will be interested in my life, so it help to hear you like how I write about.

  3. Hi Jean,

    I read all of your blog posts. They are relevant to my life and they help me feel connected. I typically don’t leave comments (maybe once or twice). Now that you shared what you did, I am more inclined to post a comment. Often, I don’t feel like I have anything to say other than hi….lol.

    I am grateful for you.

    Wounded Healer

      1. Awww thanks! Yes we have known each other for a long long while! I am so glad we are still connected, even if it is only on line. Who knows, maybe some day our paths will cross and we can actually meet in person! WH

        1. Depends on where you live, I guess. The three places that would be possible for me are San Francisco, the DC area, and Western Massachusetts. Sorry to be so late in answering — off partying with family for my birthday!

          1. No worries. I get busy with things and forget to check back then forget that I have even written …lol. Glad I checked. If I am every in one of those areas I’ll let you know. Happy happy birthday to you! Hope you’ve had a beautiful day!!

          2. You better keep going Woman! I just found you and it means so much to have a friend who ‘knows’ me.
            Happy belated Birthday, if that was your post. I get confused real easy……
            These posts keep going into a separate area, not normal emails. I have it down as a contact I think, maybe we messed up. Can you tell me what to do please so it goes to my regular email, which is listed?
            We’re Def reacting to the Holy days. Very hyper. I was out in the dark cutting down trees!! Couldn’t see a thing but kept going……we still haven’t showered off or eaten dinner and it’s 9:57pm! I don’the now how to slow it down. Minds going so fast. Everyone wants to do this or that….constant motion. Tracy still has to put sheets on the bed from the sMorning! She can be so stupid sometimes. If she would only get Organized! She’s very annoying.
            How come the father’s thought they had the right to critique our Writings? Who do they thought Hinkley they are? I would have set them straight.
            We must go. She must shower off, eat her meal, put the sheets on and then hopefully she will go to sleep. Such a botheration.

            1. well, it was mu birthday, but I can;t remember who I told when, but thank you!

              All my emails come to one place, so I can;t help much. I would say just subscribe with your regular email address and it should come to your regular email account. Or make a note of where it comes and put it on a postit note on your desk.

              I bope the trees needed cutting down! When does this holiday end for you?

              My father thought he was a gifted poet and that he was teaching me to be gifted, too. He had no idea how obnoxious he was.

  4. Jean, you are a gifted writer and it is so important to me to read your posts. When I don’t leave a comment it is usually because I may feel uncomfortable about the subject matter or it is something I don’t know much about. Thank you for the gifts you have given all of us.

    1. Oh, Briana! Doing things that might be useful to other survivors keeps me alive inside. I can’t write scholarly articles and I’m not made out to be an activist, shouting on the streets. But I can do this and other survivor-oriented things. I’m glad you read what I post. :-))

  5. I just subscribed to your blog. Dear you are an inspiration. Actually I was considering trying to get my roommate connected here so she could read and comment as well. We struggle with isolation and community is so important for emotional health. Thank you for sharing this wonderful space with us.

    1. It’s wonderful to have you here! I went to your website but didn’t see a place to write you and welcome you.

      You roommate can read and comment without subscribing to the blog. It’s open to all. If she wants to subscribe, it’s easy – there is a “follow this blog” button on the right.

  6. Jean, I also read all of your posts. I have often wondered the same thing about blogging. I don’t know how to make it more of a group dialogue. I really don’t. I have come to the conclusion that people read a blog to read a blog.
    sometimes..they will leave a comment and I will comment back…even another comment..but that is about it.
    I think what you are wanting to have…and do..is a great idea. I would be interested..on a blog format.
    I myself..do not trust forums at all. But that is just me. I have had bad experiences. But you do write really excellent blog posts.
    I apologize myself for not commenting more often.
    I hope you are well.
    much love…

    1. Thank you! This means a lot coming from you.

      Some blogs have more comments than words in the post. I don’t know why, what the difference is.

      I forget what I suggested, but what I have in mind now is a secure group that the general public can’t see. Makes it safe. I could set it up and maybe moderate it in the beginning — unless somebody else would like to give that a try.

      We can only judge pple by their current behavior; there is no way to figure out if somebody is cult active or not. I have good feelings about everybody I know here.

      I too have had bad experiences with forums but that isn’t why I am suggesting a support group. Forums are much harder to set up and maintain and often don’t have features we would want.

      I’m out of town til the 17th – if you are interested, let me know after I come back.

      1. How will you know if someone is active or a basher? well a basher we will know by his words, but we all know how sneaky they can be. I’m game for making it private, but will that make it harder for others to find? You started this Jean, I think you need to do what makes you feel most comfortable. WORD!! [sorry , the gang is wild today!!!!!]

        1. It will be impossible for anybody to find unless they are told about it. It will be word of mouth, members inviting pale they know and trust.

          We do the best we can chasing safe pole. In 20m years we have only found two pole so I don’t worry too much.

  7. I have been reading your blog regularly for years. I commented a few times some years ago, but didn’t get a reply, so I stopped commenting. As a ra survivor myself, I always just assume I’m not part of the group and am unwelcome. Maybe my comments didn’t come through? Maybe these won’t either? Anyway, I love reading your words.

    1. I don’t remember what happened a few years ago. I apologize profusely if your comments came through okay and I didn’t respond. But this one did come through, and I am responding. I hope that makes you feel a little more welcome.

      I feel unwelcome everywhere except in RA groups, and even then, sometimes I am uncomfortable. In the beginning, I felt so very close to every survivor I met. Then I noticed that some belonged to other groups (and were passionate about it) where I wouldn’t necessarily feel welcome. I think that is normal. I saw the same process watching gay friends come out and it helped me understand what was going on with me.

      The people who read are mostly RA or RA/MC survivors. There are a few therapists and friends of survivors and they are all pro-survivor. Most, as usual are women, but there are some men and I hope they don’t feel excluded.

      I’m really glad you kept reading even tho you felt unwanted. You aren’t unwanted, and I hope you feel okay enough to speak again.

    2. Hi! Thanx for coming back!!!!! We need you, I need you! The more people I find that went thru SRA, or even MC, any type of nasty abuse, the better. We’re not alone….amazing! Have to ask, is ra the same as sra? i’m in the SRA category. yay……not

    1. I am so glad you told me!!!!! I am so very happy that you get strength from the blog and the me that writes it. It makes it so much easier to keep going in the face of all my self-doubt.

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