Do You Consult the Ritual Calendar?

Up-Coming Holidays
5/1  Beltane/May Day/ Labour Day in Europe  
7/4  Fourth of July/US Independence Day
7/8  Full Moon
87/14  Bastille Day?
7/24  Pioneer Day (Mormon)? 

7/25  St. James’ Day/Festival of the Horned God 
8/1 S N Lammas/Lughnasadh
8/7 S Full Moon
8/7 S Partial lunar eclipse: visible in most of Europe, most of Asia, Australia, Africa, and eastern South America.
8/21 S New Moon
8/21 S Total solar eclipse: totality visible in parts of the United States; partially visible in the United States, Canada, Central America, northern South America, western Europe, and western Africa.
Important dates in Nazi groups
4/30  Anniversary of Hitler’s death
7/29 Hitler proclaimed leader of the Nazi party


For everybody who is having a horrible time, please remember that Beltane will be over very soon. Pain always feels eternal, but it is not. You will live through it, not in it.


For the first five or ten years after I realized I had been raised in a Satanic cult, it seemed like I was surrounded by ritual abuse survivors. There were Twelve-Step meetings, conferences, mailing parties, poetry readings, all sorts of things. Now, of course, much less is going on and when I am with other survivors, it is mostly on the Internet.

More than once we discussed whether we read the ritual calendar or not. The calendar was designed for those that did read it: there was no question of not compiling and publishing it. In those days the calendar consisted of the eight pagan sabbaths, Christian dates, Jewish dates, dates from antiquity, and astrological events. Now I have confined it to pagan, Christian, Nazi and astrological events. The others dates are listed separately after the main calendar for clarity.

Some people were afraid that if they looked at the calendar they would react to everything on it and be totally overwhelmed with anxiety. That was one reason I listed some dates separately. (The other was that the more entries on the calendar, the more mistakes I made. One year I had a month with three full moons!)

Some were afraid that if they knew that a certain day was a ritual holiday, they would react to it even if their group didn’t celebrate it. These people also avoided reading books about ritual abuse and were reluctant to hear of other survivors’ experiences. They were afraid information would be contagious and contaminate the memory of their experiences.

Others used the calendar to find out if a particularly difficult day had been a ritual holiday. If yes, bingo! if no, then they had to figure out another explanation. They didn’t worry about contagion because they were checking the calendar after the fact.

Then there were people who looked at the calendar  so that they could prepare for hard days. They trusted their instincts and weren’t concerned about contagion. If their mind offered feelings of fear and pain and guilt, then they know from their strong reaction that they had been abused on that day. They had a chance to prepare themselves, to brace themselves for flashbacks.  If they could, they stayed home and provided comfort food, their journal, crayons, a warm blanket, favorite teas. It was still hard, but these soothing objects were a reminder that it was not happening now and that they had gotten through the day many times and would be able do it one again.

There is no right or wrong way to use the calendar. Choose what feels right to you at the time. You can always change your mind. The calendar is just a tool you can use whenever you think it might be helpful.

By the way, I fall into the last category. I check it every month so that I can take extra good care of myself on horrible days.

But I have a problem using this wonderful tool. Even if I check it, I keep forgetting there is a holiday coming up! Right now I am aware that Beltane is just around the corner. But if I turn my attention to something else, it slips right out of my awareness.

Oh well, it’s not the only elusive thing in my life. I have learned to put it on my to-do list, which I check several times a day.


I have a favor to ask. I have a lot of trouble updating the calendar  every year and I hate to make mistakes. I also have done it for over fifteen years and am sort of tired of it.

Would anybody like to uptake it for 2018? I would tell you how to do it and I would proof read it for you. If this is too much, would anybody like to proof read it? Or several people? If you can only compile or proof part of it, that would still be a great help to me.

18 thoughts on “Do You Consult the Ritual Calendar?

  1. OMG! I hate the fekkin calendar!!!! I’ve been a mess for too freakin long, then I get worse, then I see the calander and see its gonna be a bad week. Of course the preperations are starting, and right now its dark outside. Bad bad time. I take recommended meds to help stop the shaking, the anxiety, the binging, but it doesn’t help. i’m trying to find a blog site or page for mme to write and I can’t figure it out! I am so stupid. They allow me to take in only so much information, then its like a switch is turned off and my minds start freaking out. I have a poem from last nite that popped into my head, I want to post it. I had a dream that is …….like life. being shunned. the man telling everyone how bad and awful I am. is this cos we tried to not delve into the brainwashing which set off an explosion?!
    I have so many in the spirit realm whom I can call on to help me……but they aren’t here to hold me, to talk to me, to listen. Nor can I burden people with this crap.
    I cant believe the 20th starts a big one….another celebration! wahoo! I wonder what went on, I don’t consciously know and it drives me nuts. damn if my insiders don’t know and they are going crazy!
    We look at the clock, look outside at the darkness. The men would be coming. Is this part of the memory? We’ve done this before. Clock then look at the darkness, like riding a merry go round. They want to lite candles. My daughter told me I always lit 3 candles, had to be 3, and that was on good days. i’m glad she remembers, I didn’t realize I did that.
    My poem that just popped into my head at 3am last nite is of a droplet of water clinging to the tip of a leaf after a horrendous storm. It starts to get fuller, then pulls back, up and down, wondering what to do. Splat on the concrete into a million pieces or hang.
    I look down under this post and see…..tracysra: You are commenting using your account. No i’m not, i’m writing on Jeans page.What is going on?

    I wanted to say to anyone who reads my posts, even tho they are so screwy, please, can you acknowledge me please. I’ve had 30yrs of therapy dealing with this stuff, am 60yrs old, the body is anyway,…..and I hope I don’t scare anyone or that you think i’m nuts.
    I don’t know why I was chosen for this to be my life. Its not fair by any means.
    On my better days, I can write to you, maybe help you out if you’d like. It doesn’t take this long for peeps to get better. I had a very severe time in the cult, they were master abusers and mind control, brainwashers….all that. My doc told me I had the strongest defensive system he had ever met, and he saw hundreds of MPDs and cult survivors. I finally realized my putting off, not journaling with my alters, canceling appts etc was all program. I’m just finding this out now!
    How I wish Doc Rea was still around. He was so dedicated to his clients. I could call him and he would respond within the hour. That’s dedication. I loved him. He didn’t like some of my alters, but eh, what can I say. I don’t like all of them either. No, I take that back. My alters were created so I could survive. They are actually little kids who went thru horrors. If they are some of the nasty ones, they may have been given that role. If I took the time to get to know them, I would find a hurt child under a façade. Then I could give them another job and bring them over to the light side, where the alters who are nice.

    Thank you Jean for giving me the space to rant. Blessings to you. Blessings to all of us who endured thru a horrific time. We did not deserve it.

    Jean, Dottie is not better. She saw me last week, and I can see she is not better. She pushes thru with me and then I think she prolly goes to sleep for 12 hours. The docs have not found what it is. I would tell them to do a brain scan and look into her right midway point of her brain. They will find the problem there. But, I am not a professional, I just know.

    Blessings of Love and Comfort
    tracy & co


    1. I am in MA using an unfamiliar computer so this will be brief but I would like today more.

      Is it the equinox you are referring to? I know it is not yet October! Stay n there, it is only a couple of days and you have managed olive through it 59 times. And no it is not fair. And not karma.You did nothing to chose it.It is just plain rotten luck.

      I think pple usually read only the notes on the latest post, except for me, who has to approve them. I don’t really understand it.

      It tells I am commenting using my WordPress account. Means that I use their software, and that I am logged into my account. Ignore it!

      I think you could ask Dottie if she had had a brain MRI. I would feel fine asking my therapist.



      1. Hi Jean. The calendar use is … List of Satanic Holidays. Sept 21. Midnight Host-blood-dismemberment and hands removed for Hand of Glory. Just writing it stirs my alters up. It’s similar to Svalis recollection of Breeders home; what they did to mother’s.
        Sept 22- Feast Day/Equinox. Orgies.
        How did we survive?


        1. Oh, I am so sorry. I don’t know many people who report holidays on that calendar, so I just stick to the calendar Caryn Stardancer of Survivorship started. Maybe it is SRA lite!!!!

          I will be thinking of you the next two days.


  2. It’s September now, hopefully you are still checking your blog. I’m a survivor and struggle….alot. My group used brainwashing and programming which I had no idea it was used. We are desperately looking for help in that area. We (DID) feel if we knew ‘the secrets’ we might finally find peace.
    I am the type that acts hyper/anxious/ insomnia days prior to high Holy days. I don’t realize why until I check the calendar for Cult days or full moons. My group apparently prepared approx 3 days in advance, which are the hyper days. Come the actual date, we tend to be mellow.
    I want to thank you very much for posting your findings. We do get angry when you add the history behind it. We just want to know what exactly happened on those nights. You see my friend, also SRA, asked me once if I knew what Candlemass was. We knew the name, and maybe one of our memories was attached to it, but we know nothing conclusively.
    I’ve had 30yrs of therapy trying to make it so I can have a ‘normal’ life. My trusted specialist in the field told me I had the most complex system and the strongest defense system out of all his clients. Thanx Doc!
    I don’t know how much I can say here. We don’the want to trigger anyone…..but it would sure be nice to have someone to talk too who knows, who experienced it.
    I apologize for not offering help on the 2018 calendar. I use “OpenScrolls” calendar.
    This is my first time on WordPress. OK, I see below where to fill in my info.
    May I ask if anyone feels so alone in this world being what we went Thru?
    Tracy & Co


    1. Welcome to WordPress, and to my blog.

      I’ve found that many Satanists celebrate the night before the actual day, as for them the day starts at midnight. I was really confused until I figured that out.

      I can’t say what actually happened, as different groups do different things. Sometimes I can share what my cult did but I don’t always remember. It’s really frustrating to be told over and over that you have the information you are seeking inside, and that nobody else does. All I wanted was an instruction manual!! I didn’t think that was a lot to ask.

      I think you can say anything you want here. Maybe if you wrote what you wanted to say, and then went back and wrote the first sentence “I am going to talk about XYZ. Please don’t read if you think you may be triggered.”

      Sometimes people are grateful to be triggered, because it gives them information, believe it or not.

      I felt all alone in the beginning, but not any more. There are people in all stages here, not just a bunch of old timers. I hope you find people you can relate to.


      1. Thank you so much for writing Back! My aloneness comes from 1- There are not many people around here who have experienced it. 2- The ‘friends I tell my truth to either don’t believe me or they Run! 3- When I confronted my father about non SRA abuse, he told everyone in the family, neighbors, family friends, everyone that I was crazy. I haven’t seen my brothers in 25 yrs. I have noone left.
        My friends who are survivors are spread out the country and don’t want to talk about it. My dearest friend who believes me lives 6 states away.
        Those 15yrs left so many scars,, mainly inside. I must have had it pretty harsh , I have over 100 alters and new ones are still popping up!
        What age were you when you Remembered? Are you MPD? My friend in Georgia and I proudly call ourselves “Mipids”….We were some of the Originals!
        You talk about the brainwashing. I didn’t know til recently. I have 2 groups, the “Keepers of the Secrets” and another group who have workers bolting a heavy steel lid down 24/7 . I’m scared to find out who/memories are down there.
        My current therapist and I decided maybe I didn’t need to uncover them. All hell broke loose. Nasty alters screaming at me and me screaming at particular cars that I’m going to kill the drivers???
        I know I’m holding onto the programming parts. I can see the list cults, CIA, Nazi’S, military use, and recognize the program names, but nothing other than that.
        I was told there are layer upon layer of programs to keep the Secrets down.
        My friend, PD, was very lucky to find a man who deprogrammed her. She is leading a normal life and is happy, God bless her.
        I’m rattling a bit, sorry, to find another survivor is a blessing.
        Could you tell me some about yourself please? I live in Pa. The county is supposedly highly infested with Cults?
        Also, could you please direct me to other bloggers or groups for survivors.
        I’m so glad you wrote.
        I signed up for WordPress, but they wanted money for a site. Living on SSD doesn’t afford lil extras.
        Blessings to you !


        1. Easiest question first – WordPress has two places to blog. is free, and costs money. Before you sign up, figure out what you want to use your blog for. Here is a list of blogs if you would like to see what others do.

          Am I multiple? I honestly don’t know. I am shattered into tiny pieces. It takes 20-30 pieces to do things like cook or drive. They come together to form a group and then disband. The next group is different. For example, some parts can back out of a garage without hitting anything and others absolutely can’t. I joke that my car has racing stripes made of the garage paint!

          I am almost 80 — I may repeat myself — and I was used in early mind control experiments to try and figure out what programs were easy to install and easy for them to use and yet secure. When they got their answer, they went on to another. That was between ages 6 and 12, when they shut the project down. So I was subjected to much less programming than you were, and with little ideology.

          “I have 2 groups, the “Keepers of the Secrets” and another group who have workers bolting a heavy steel lid down 24/7. I’m scared to find out who/memories are down there.” I don’t blame you for being scared! That stuff is bound to be pretty damn awful. And those two groups are going to panic if they think you are about to find out.

          I think the first step would be to talk to them and tell them you understand how they feel, cause you feel the same way. Just sort of get to know them, as pple who have something in common with you. Don’t try and change them — just start talking to them.

          Please share anything I say with your therapist — I don’t want you pulled in opposite directions and I don’t want to have secrets from him. And your best friend, too.

          If I don’t answer a question of yours, just ask again. And if you write on the latest entry, you may get responses from other pple.


          1. Thanx for info bout ra blog support. I’m trying to figure out where to sign In! It’s great, (facetious tone) not remembering how and where and passwords, etc . Love the aging Mind! Errgghh! The body is 60, with infant to 19yr old alters. I think.
            It sounds like you have parts, alters, ‘pieces’, aspects of self, different personalities, etc the way you described it. We have to find a way to describe it just as you did, pieces.

            Ever since I read some of svali’s book, even the first chapter, my life has been turned upside down. I “knew” my story, getting out at age 15 etc, and sure nuff she mentions that right off the bat; it could be a program. Yay….I pieced together that age according to normal people. Now I need to open my mind to the idea that it could all be false. It’s really thrown me for a loop in a bad way.
            I shared via texting about Svali book. I’mean trying to buy it, but haven’the found it via normal channels.

            We’re scared. High Holy days now. Bad. She’s crying. Needs somebody. Dottie therapist is real sick. They don’t know why. We txtd her but she sleeps all the time now. Tracy knows it’s bad. Stupid doctor won’t find it for long time cos they don’t know where to test. Tracy knows. She knows things.


            1. Svali’s stuff is really heavy. My suggestion is to read it very slowly, but of course nobody takes that advice. We are all so hungry for knowledge! By the way, Svali told me that my programming is called “blizzard programming.” I think that describes it well.

              I am worry Dottie is sick and hopes she gets better soon.


            2. It’s waste of time telling me to take it slow. I gobble stuff up cos I want to know so I can get better!!!
              Her stuff is very intense, to say the least.
              I haven’t been present since Tuesday. An angry alter took over, one who has a ‘ Fk it ‘ attitude towards anyone or anything Said..
              I’very not been like that for a very long time. My thinking is maybe a program is behind it. Now that I have access to some of the programming thru reading and talking about it, I think that triggered everyone and Fk It took over.??? I had a session with Dottie and it wasn’the me there! It’s turned my life upside down. I don’the know my “truth” anymore. Now I don’the know what age I got out, how many babies, what was I trained to become or do?
              Can you explain the Blizzard program Please? It doesn’t set off any bells hearing the word, but I would still like to know.

              Many odd things are happening. I left knowing 3 things, ” The Eye Sees all”, “You talk, you die” and “Kill or be killed”.

              I was telling a friend about Svali’so writings and I swear a demonic Millipore came up on the arm of my chair and sat there looking at me. It had super Ling black antennas, had a black patterned face and it was huge!!! Jean, it still freaks me out. I’ve never seen one like that. When I killed it , it has sustenance; it was fat and juicy. Gross! Then the clock hit 12:34 at home and also when I got into my car. My cars clock doesn’the Work! Gary saw it tho. I see 12:34 all the Time! It stops me dead in my tracks.

              Negative coping skills have all come back. Self harm, isolation, eating problems,suicidal thoughts…….they play constantly.

              I would really like to talk with Svali and also find her book. Surprise surprise…Barnes and Noble doesn’t carry it!! When my mind is clear, i’ll write her.

              My mind isn’the my own anymore. Everyone is stirred up, so I will stop here.

              I appreciate you Jean. It’s so nice to have someone to talk too. Look forward to talking more!

              Heart Huggsssss!


            3. Ah, I just read something Ellen Lacter ( wrote about “front” alters going inside to take a rest and letting others take over for a while. Remember that it takes a while for alters to put their heads together and share with each other what they have remembered. It’s a process, but you will get there. I remember that for a while I thought it only occurred the summer I turned 5 and that a family member wasn’t involved. FDream on!

              Blizzard programming is when little parts come together om command to do something specific. Afterwards, they separate again. In order to remember or tell the exact same group has to form. It’s like water molecules coming together to form a snowflake and then melting.
              you say, “I left knowing 3 things, “The Eye Sees all”, “You talk, you die” and “Kill or be killed”. Funny, I was taught those same things
              12:34 must be the time something very significant happened. Some day you will know. Meanwhile,your energy field is hard at work!

              I thought her book was available through her website. She may be rewriting it, and so took it down. Meanwhile there is plenty of hers out there to read. The main difference that I could see between tthis bookand the warlier material is that she had a huge spiritual awakening and became a devout Christian.


  3. I tried to reply to your email message, but my reply got sent back to me. I am not sure what happened.


  4. I could help with it. I have never compiled one, but I have used it from time to time to check if a date I am struggling on happens to be one of those days.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That would be fabulous! I will use your gmail address, right?

      I think I will start this project now, so we can feel real good about not having to do it at the last moment


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