4/1 April Fool’s Day
4/8 Day of the Master
4/10 Full moon
4/14 Good Friday
4/16 Easter Sunday
4/21 – 5/1 Grand Climax/Da Meur Preparation for sacrifice in some Satanic sects
4/30 Walpurgisnacht/May Eve
5/1 Beltane/May Day/ Labour Day in Europe
Important dates in Nazi groups
4/16 Hitler’s alternate birthday
4/20 Hitler’s birthday (Note: Hitler was born on Easter, so Nazis celebrate his actual birthday, 4/20, and Easter of the current year.)
4/30 Anniversary of Hitler’s death
Once again, I have slipped back into old habits. I have done it so often that I no longer get really upset: I see it as just part of the process. The path is not straight ahead, it is a spiral. It rises up, then slowly slides back down, then slowly comes back up – always to a higher point.
The other day I noticed that I am criticizing myself harshly using words that I would never say to another person. It’s unkind, rude, and unhelpful. The inner critic rattles on and the rest if me retreats as fast as possible to a place where the hurtful words don’t penetrate. That’s why I didn’t notice it earlier: I hadn’t been listening.
So of course the first thing I think is, “Tell that voice to shut up.” Won’t do. That would be unkind, rude, and unhelpful. It’s just escalating the situation, for I would have two critical voices going instead of one.
(I just have to tell this story. Years ago I was friends with a guy who was trying to get some of his alters to do what he wanted. Please and thank you? Nope. “Listen up, you assholes!” Then he was madder than ever because he didn’t get any cooperation.)
In short, it would be counterproductive to criticize the voice or tell it what to do. I have to ally myself with the voice and talk with it, not to it.
I start by saying I guess it is really frustrated. Am I right? Turns out I am. Frustrated about what? Does the voice have no other way of communicating? If so, it has been silent a long time, and that sounds lonely. By now we are talking and getting somewhere.
The voice has some good ideas which could make life simpler and more rewarding all around. I’m excited about that, so I tell it I think it has great ideas, the problem is in the presentation. I share what makes me open to considering new ideas, what keeps me listening. I shut down when I am told I am wrong or stupid or am too incompetent to know what to do. But I am all ears when somebody approaches me with “Say, I have an idea! I don’t know whether you will like it or not, but would you like me to tell you about it?”
I take on the problem: I get triggered and can only absorb things when I am approached in certain ways, otherwise I check out. And then I coach the voice on how to deal with me. It’s a win/win situation.
So far things have definitely changed in my head. I think I will need to check in every so often and ask how we are doing. Maybe the voice has felt ignored, or dissed,or none of the ideas offered have been greeted with enthusiasm. As long as we stay in touch, things should be okay.
PS. I have written this as if I were a singleton with some fixed habits of thinking. Everybody has “old tapes” which could stand up-dating. I think, however, that this technique is easier to understand if one considers the voice as an alter and the part I refer to as “I” as the front person. But I bet “real” singletons could make it work, too.