Blogger’s Block

There is background information about the spring equinox and Easter at

I can’t think of a thing to say, so I shall say, “I can’t think of a thing to say.” Unfortunately, I have writer’s block.

I think this is because I am coming down from a couple of weeks of anxiety and dentists and irrational guilt. It’s somewhat better today. I can feel the anxiety starting to go out of me like a tide that has just turned. As it ebbs, there will be barnacles and starfish and interesting rocks to write about, but for now, the waters are still too high.

So I am going ask you-all for some feedback about this blog. I hope you don’t mind questions!

Rather than write me personally, please use the comments section so that we can get some conversations going.

1. Here’s a big one for me, because it influences the content of the booklet on Satanic holidays that I’m working on. Do you find the ritual calendar helpful?

If you do, did you like it better the old way ( if you can remember that far back). For years I put the dates of all the bad days I knew about on one calendar. Last year I thought it looked too crowded and so I only included the major Satanic holidays and listed out important dates of all the major religions afterwards. Now I worry that it gives the impression that there are very few dates that Satanists observe. The truth is that different Satanic sects add on extra days – they pick and choose. Christian holy days are the most popular.

You see, I plan to write an introduction for the booklet that explains what the Satanic calendar is all about and then put in the calendar. Since it will be an ebook, I can change the calendar every year. Haven’t figured out what to do about print books, though.

2. Do you think the “Coming Events” page is useful? I imagine that most of you are too broke to consider a conference, and besides, those you would like to attend are too far away or conducted in a language you don’t speak. So “Coming Events” might end up being more frustrating than helpful.

It’s there because I have compiled such a list for about twenty years and it has become a habit, like getting dressed in the morning.

3. What would you like me to write about? I’ll try, but I can’t promise I’ll have anything useful or even coherent to say. Being given a topic and knowing that somebody cared about the subject would help wake up the writing fairy.

I have a parking fairy and a driving fairy, too.  I love all three immensely. The parking fairy can’t see a way to help keep the blog running smoothly and is sad.

4. Is there anything I should have asked, but didn’t?

23 thoughts on “Blogger’s Block

  1. I love your blog!!! I just came out of a 9month writers block…..yesterday actually. Im an SRA Survivor and was used in an illuminati mind control slave fashion for years. Sex kitten programming. At 30 though, they call it getting thrown from the freedom train and do away wu or knock u up. Im 33, and have a two year old blessing, they call it the”game” and its sick…..I’m just finally starting to really come out of my agoraphobia and fond my voice after being hunted/targeted. Blessings to you all reading this, a silent prayer goes out to each and every one that wer may find our voices….


    1. Welcome to the sunshine! I’m honored that you wrote on your first day.

      I’m sorry those stupid bastards did all those things to you. Do you mean you had a baby?


  2. I get your blog in my email and I enjoy it very much. I didn’t know you had two sites. I would like to know more about communicating with insiders. I’ve never done well in that category. My life is more “now” oriented 25 years after the first flashbacks, and yet I still get sabotaged by hidden insiders. I have no names, no idea of ages. Very confusing. I love the calendar. … the old one better. I would really like to go to one of the conferences and am sure I would be afraid to go. But nevertheless, I am glad I am not “making this all up. :o)


    1. Yes, the other site is It’s basically a large annotated bibliography. Or many smaller ones! There is nothing personal on it.

      I know what you mean about “now oriented.” There finally is some room for the now — I have one toe in the past instead of both feet and more besides.


  3. Hallo Jean,
    we want to try to answer some of your questions as good as possible for us. 🙂

    1. Your Calendar is very interesting for us. Sometimes we have just a bad feeling and don’t know realy why. There is only a voice within us, that tells us, that somthing with the days date is wrong, but don’t now, what the date mean to us. Sometimes then we look on this Calendar and see, if we can get a suggestion what the reason of our todays problem could be.and speak and reflect about it.
    We prefer the old version of your Calendersystem, because it’s more clearly arranged and less fragmented from our point of view. We can just pick us the Information we need, knowing, that every group or sect has also it’s own holydays or special used days.

    2. We find the “Coming Event”-Page also usefull even if we are from Germany and too far away. We like to read it. It shows us, that there is a good and helpfull debate about Ritual abuse. Some of these offers we could also use via internet, if we want to.

    3. Normaly we like all the articles you write, couse it’s not only the topic you write about but also the way you write and narrate. Exspecially helpfull to us are your writings about your personal feelings and problems and how you handle it and the backroundinforations about sects, programming and Mind Control.

    4. How are you yourself?

    Best wishes! 🙂


    1. I think I liked the old calendar better, too.

      As for conferences, Villa Lindenfel has great stuff. “Offers one- and two-year courses on dissociation and extreme abuse as well as a variety of day-long and week-long workshops. Faculty include: Gaby Breitenbach, Michaela Dressler, Katharina Drexler, Monika Harsch, Thomas Kühler, Thomas Lang, Klaus Nouvertné, Harald Requardt, Werner Tschan, Ralf Vogt and invited guests. Information:

      Maybe you could get on their mailing list and then tell me about their workshops and conferences? My German is non-existent.

      Thanks for telling me what you like about the topics I write about. Very helpful.

      How am I? Physically a little bruised, because I fell trying to get an old lame stupid dog out the door to go pee. Emotionally, amazed that I am indifferent about Easter weekend. No anxiety that I can see. Maybe it will come later on, who knows.

      I wanted to get some Easter candy that I had as a child, but they didn’t have it, so I bought a little box of chocolates instead. What I wanted was a sugar egg that you could look inside and see a little scene and a chocolate egg covered with some hard, white candy, shaped like a real egg. Inside was a toy.

      I have a cake tin shaped like a lamb, and I am going to bake a chocolate cake and ice it with chocolate frosting (a black sheep!) Then I will put chocolate eggs and jelly beans around the lamb. This is for my friends, I could not eat a whole cake! I think a six year old boy will be there. It also looks great if I put coconut on it — loks like real fur.


  4. See ? You did have things to write about. Cuz you wrote them.
    We are very Grateful for the posting of satanic ritual days.So many times
    we will have a really bad day, can’t figure why, then when we check the
    ritual calendar usually we see it is a satanic ritual day.
    Thank You.
    from Fairlight


    1. Well, all I wrote was “what do you guys think?” I sorta passed the buck.

      It’s pretty clear I should keep the calendar and find some way to increase its importance in the search engines.

      The events page, I am not so sure. Its a lot of work.


  5. 1. As an ally and an outsider trying to be the best support I can be, the calender is tremensously helpful. I dont know these “secrets” (meaning the truly cunning and horrible excuses and routines for abuse) that my friends had to endure and I have a lot to learn and understand so I can be supportive (hopefully). Whenever my friends are going through an extra difficult period and old programming seems to kick in, I always go look at the calender and then take it from there, trying to find information on that holliday so I can understand more without them having to explain things.

    2. – 4. I dont really feel these questions are for me to answer, they are for your fellow sra/ra-survivors. I learn a lot from all your posts, but I dont expect you to educate me if Im not making an effort finding info for myself aswell.

    I really love your blog and I learn so much from it.


    1. Thank you for telling me you love my blog! That is just what I was hoping the calendar would be used for. I used it that way in the first years, because it helped the present me explain things to the past me’s.

      As to number 2, well, I disagree 100%. You have no idea how you make my heart sing, that somebody without an RA background could care enough to want to learn and support a survivor. You may not know this, but it is pretty rare. And if my blog gives you the information you need, that makes me happy, too. If you come across something you don’t understand or want more information on, you can ask, or you can Google it. Your opinion is just as important to me as any other reader’s.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, that means a lot. I will take you up on that offer cause I cant always find answers or guidance and I do need that.
        Like rigth now my friend is really struggeling with suicide programming and depression and since we are an ocean apart all I know to do is check in on them and remind them everyday that I love them. But if you have any thougths or ideas about how to better support I would love to read that. Also if you have any thougths on this in general, like how to be a good friend, support and ally that would be a great read for me.

        Im really sorry to hear this is a rare thing and I wish people were not so afraid. Like, if you could survive it, I can surely survive hearing about it.
        If you ever need someone to listen you have me on your fb-list. Take care 💜


        1. Thank you! I don’t use FB for support, just for info an=bout ra-info. But I have your e-mail.

          I think of it this way — we were abused from a very young age, many of us from infancy. So that is just the way the world is — we have known nothing else. It’s the non-cult world that’s a shock, when we first learn about it. Your process is the opposite; when you first learn of RA it shatters your world view and you have to find a way to put the pieces back together again to hold everything, god and average and intense evil.

          You might try reflecting back their feelings — “this sounds so hard” “You seem really discouraged today.” But I imagine you instinctively do that already.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Jean,
    1. I prefer having the option of both knowing the main dates, and scanning the longer detailed dates. I appreciate this information!
    2. I occasionally check to see if a conference will be near where I live. I also appreciate having this information to refer to.
    3. I love reading everything you write about!!! I take it all in. One thing I am currently interested in is safely breaking through the programming that keeps some parts of my internal system from knowing things in the now. I have tried many things, even remembering what you have written many years ago. Has not seemed to work for some internal layers of parts. Also interested in dormant parts, sleeper parts, and those layers so deeply imbedded. Actually, I am happy with anything you write! Oh, I just got a suggestion from some littles. They would like to read some things directly in relation to them, to healing, etc.
    4. Can’t think of anything else you should!

    Take Care,


    1. It’s always good to hear from you!

      Oh boy, that’ll teach me to ask for suggestions! I better get to work right now. Those are all really important topics, and I wonder how much i know about them and if there is anything useful to say, drawing from my experience. I’m hoping that’s just the writer’s block speaking. But we shall see.

      Here’s another question for you — Would you be interested in a conference that wasn’t about RA or dissociation, like EMDR or eating disorders?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hello!!

        That is a great question, and yes I would be interested! I have an eating disorder (overeating-26 years) and it is and has been impacting my health. I am an intelligent person, I have the knowledge/tools/resources necessary to shift this behavior, but alas, can not get internal cooperation to take the necessary steps and be consistent. I have gone to classes, nutritionists, dr.’s, attended an intensive outpatient program, worked in therapy, etc., etc! That would be another great topic. Internal cooperation for health and well being….fear of dr.’s etc does not seem to be able to shift the behavior yet my health now requires more medical visits. How to break down blocks (self created and or programmed)….you’ve got me on a role now…lol.

        All that to say, yes on other topics: EMDR, Eating Disorders, Self Care, Trauma Informed Yoga, Chronic Pain…….ok, I better stop….lol!

        So good to hear from you as well!


        1. You are a treasure-trove of ideas! I think I will start with eating disorders because so very many people have them. Two surveys (the only two I know of) showed that over 60% of survivors have them. I’m sorry you are one of those many.


    1. I’ve always thought there were too many pages there and they may get lost onthe shuffle. I am glad to hear you find them helpful. CAn I ask what you find useful in the “Coming Events?”


      1. What I find helpful is knowing that there is an easy to access, comprehensive and up-to-dat list of resources for both therapists and survivors. It’s one-stop shopping!


  7. What I find most helpful FOR ME is when you write about your own discoveries or tricks you use to help separate real danger from outer danger and how to manage them in specific situations you are in. They apply to me but also give me clues as to how to approach things taht I am not sure are real or not.


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