There is a blog entry on Labor Day at https://ritualabuse.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/labor-day/
I haven’t ever blogged about this, at least that I can remember. The closest I have come is writing about how to handle harassing phone calls, which, after all, are cues to show up for more abuse.
I wonder why. I think it is because it breaks my heart that some of us think we have escaped, but haven’t. When a friend has unexplained bruises or little burns in strange places, I get really upset. Or when they start remembering recent abuse, perhaps after a long stretch of safety.
I’d like to believe that each and every one of us has broken with our perpetrators, worked through all the cues and programming, and disarmed all the triggers once and for all. That would mean we never could be hurt in this way again, we never could be abducted and reprogrammed. Unfortunately, this is only a lovely daydream.
If you think about studies on domestic violence, you will recall that the abused person often returns to the abuser, perhaps because they are too afraid not to, perhaps because they hope against hope that this time it will be different. The abuser may turn regretful and apologetic and things may be better for a short period of time. But the abuse inevitably returns, and often is more violent. The sweet talk is the carrot, the stick is the threat of dire consequences for disobedience. It’s the same with cults. Empty promises of power and status, more abuse.
There is another dynamic going on with cults. The parts who have been tortured into staying with the perpetrators are young and easily bullied. They also long for connection at any cost, believing that being hurt is the only way to stay attached to somebody, believing that is all they are good for. It is really hard to convince them that they deserve better and that they can live in freedom and safety. Unless they are 1000% convinced, that little kernel of doubt can be used as the entry point for bringing them back to be used and abused as before. (It’s these young parts who believe they must report to their abusers and tell where they are, whether they moved, what they say in therapy or to their friends.)
Another problem is the existence, in some people, of more than one group or layer of alters. They may be identical to the presenting group, created as a back-up, or they may be organized in a very different manner. The presenting group usually is unaware of the other group(s). And so it is possible, even if all the parts in the presenting group have worked through all their programming and triggers, for there to be other parts who are still susceptible. Extremely discouraging!
Sometimes moving ends the abuse and harassment, sometimes it doesn’t. Many cults network with cults in other locations. In this way, if they want to harass a survivor, they don’t have to pick up and go to the place the person has moved to. They can call and ask for a favor or pay for the local cult to do the harassing. As long as there are active reporting alters, safety is an illusion.
On the other hand, they might leave the survivor alone for a period of time, counting on being able to call them back when they are needed. That period can be positively used to work with the reporting alters and to dismantle call-back triggers.
Please don’t take what I have written to mean that the situation is hopeless. It isn’t. Leaving a cult is very difficult, but it has been done by thousands and thousands of people, and you can do it, too. You have to be brave and face what is preventing you from escaping and you have to figure out what to do about it. And you have to remember that life outside the cult is infinitely better than what you have known. The world is wider than what you were taught, and it contains things you have never experienced,or only experienced for a short while. Things like love, compassion, respect for yourself and others, freedom from terror, beauty, – you an add your own dreams to this list.
Giving you a place to start this leg of the journey, here are two excellent articles on endritualabuse.org.
“Seeing and Breaking the Chains: Steps for Recognizing On-Going Abuse and How to Break FREE” by Arauna Morgan at http://endritualabuse.org/healing/breaking-the-chains/
“Ritual Abuse and Torture-based Mind Control: Reducing and Preventing Re-contact with Abusers” by Ellen Lacter http://endritualabuse.org/healing/ritual-abuse-and-torture-based-mind-control-reducing-and-preventing-re-contact-with-abusers/
Go for it!
14 thoughts on “If the Abuse is Ongoing”
Reblogged this on Trauma and Dissociation and commented:
Breaking the chains of abuse – parallels between domestic violence and ritual abuse. The strong attachment bonds, psychological and emotional abuse, and often trauma bonding can be understood and undone. Healing is possible.
very help, reblogging
With a secular Government there is no seeking of justice no righting of wrongs as they ignore the truth seeking another truth which does not exist and consequently sink further and further into obscure darkness so fine but they are trying to drag us into it too! They seen to so determined to promote what is evil, harmful and wrong and they are our government. Our Police our judges especially school teacher they are insane wicket and so evil. Now this forced so called sex education for underage children it should be more than obvious they are incompetent to the point of evil.
Actually, there is the occult (cultist) government behind the secular governments, like masonic lodges in US. They do these things because of their beliefs. We are responsible for making another power to live by our beliefs. I wrote about all this in my work – Age of Humanity. It won’t be all that bad, you already are on your way out.
This was good to read. I am glad you mention having reporting alters and deal with phone calls! I just do not answer the phone anymore. Of course, I can’t really explain why to my family but it really is the safest thing to not do!
An all purpose response to be asked “why?” is “I don’t know.” Me, I am phone phobic, which is a great explanation. Except when I’m not, and so I confuse people, as well as myself.
Did you check out the blog entry on phones?
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It is helpful to know that others are phone phobic- I never answer my phone. I check messages if I know the number. It does feel like the right thing to do to protect myself.
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I’m not sure that’s a phobia. It sounds more like a way of screening calls, and many non-abused pple do the same thing. I answer it even if I *am* phobic, cause I am phobic about dealing with messages, too! Even tho there were no answering macoines when I was a kid
I know nothing of cults, but it sounds a very scary situation. From my own experience in an abusive relationship, it was all about believing I was worth better and the fact I was from an abusive upbringing only made that more difficult to believe.
If you were taught as a child that you weren’t worth anything, you will carry that over into other relationships. Makes total sense. The dynamics are the same with cults.
I think what is scariest is the possibility that you are amnesic for what is happening. I was really scared I was still involved when I first remembered and it took years of checking the gas in my car, having pple I *knew* to be non-cult check on my where abouts, etc. before I could accept that it was all in the past.
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Great article. I’ve finally been breaking free but its been a long process. As far as I know I refused to kill anyone which made them want me dead by age 5. I’ve realized that if a particular family member refuses to remember (except when drunk) that they are not safe for me. They are enemies, in a sense, whom I can merely pray for and must set boundaries with. This is because they have alters who do crazy, dangerous things! I have to protect myself, friends and children from them as their alters can be vicious. They have robot alters who can be commanded by another cult leader. Feel sympathy for them but protect yourself and pray from a distance. I want to say something to Ms. Lacter: At least one perp was a tribune reporter in 1967. At least one. She lived in Pt. Loma I think. Does it surprise you?
Nothing much surprises me any more. I do know it is safer not to name people or mention them in a way that they can be recognized or can recognize themselves. The threat of being exposed can make them panic and do very dangerous things.
You are right. If a person is not working *really* hard to change their behavior, they are not safe for you. Boundaries and distance are your friends.