There is an entry on the Winter Solstice, Yule, and Christmas on December 15, 2012.
I found it far less upsetting to have a flashback if I knew it was a flashback. Otherwise, it never occurred to me that what I was experiencing was a memory; I thought I was crazy or had a brain tumor. Once I learned to recognize a flashback, I could say “Oh fuck, here we go again!” and brace myself. It’s a lot easier theses days.
Caryn Stardancer designed a flashback worksheet and published it in Survivorship. * When I tried to use it, I found I got stuck on identifying the trigger. I was so immersed in the flashback that I had no attention to spare and could not scan my environment for possible triggers. I rewrote the worksheet and omitted the whole concept of triggers, which helped a lot.
1. What am I thinking/feeling?
2. What in the past could have set off this reaction?
3. What in the present could be causing this reaction?
4. How can I test if it’s from the past or present?
5. If it’s in the
Present – what action can I take to solve the problem?
Past – what can I do to calm myself down?
Modifying the Worksheet
I like questions because they jump-start me. Many people don’t, however. If you feel interrogated or intimidated by questions, you can use phrases:
“I am thinking/feeling ….”
“…. from the past might be causing my reaction.”
“…. in the present might be causing my reaction.”
“I can test if it is past or present by ….”
“A present problem could be handled by ….”
“I can soothe myself and calm past feelings by …”
If you don’t like the way I have designed the worksheet, start from scratch and write something different. Whatever works best for you is the way to go!
You might consider dating the worksheets and saving them in a notebook or folder. That way you can flip through them and see if you have had this particular flashback before. (I once had the same flashback for three straight months. No fun.) And you can look back and see how you have changed over the months or years.
A Personal Example
1. What am I thinking/feeling? “I am anxious, almost panicking, because I have to drive to a new place. My heart is pounding. I am afraid I will get lost and never be able to find my way back again. I’ll never see anybody I know ever again.”
2. What in the past could have set off this reaction? “Well, I did get taken to strange places for rituals and other horrible things. I didn’t know where I was going, or whether I would get back alive. I had no choice and no control, no options. It was terrifying.”
3. What in the present could be causing this reaction? “I am going to a supermarket in a different town. There is no logical reason to have this kind of reaction”. Or: “I am planning to drive across Death Valley. Lots of people have gotten in trouble in Death Valley. My anxiety is realistic.”
4. How can I test if it’s from the past or present? “If I’m not sure whether I’m over-reacting (in a flashback) or not, I can ask a friend who doesn’t have a trauma background. If I don’t have a friend handy at the moment, I can ask myself “How would So-and-So react?”
5. If it’s in the present? “If I am going to Death Valley, I might really get into trouble. I might run out of gas or water or blow a tire. I would be dependent on somebody finding me and helping me, and I understand desert roads are pretty untraveled. It would be sensible to do some research at AAA or the Park Department website to see what I need to do to protect myself. It also would be sensible to carry a cell phone. I need to take some real action in the present in order to stay safe.”
If it’s in the past? “If I’m going to the supermarket, though, chances are I am having a feeling flashback, so I need to soothe myself. I can tell myself that it’s okay, I’m in control and at the wheel now, and I have a map, a full tank of gas, and a charge card. If I get lost I can ask somebody. I have made lots of similar trips successfully, and nothing bad happened.”
Of course, it could be a bit of past and a bit of present. In that case,you need to take sensible precautions and reassure the frightened parts of yourself.
One you have used your worksheet for a while, you will find that you don’t need it anymore. Differentiating between past and present becomes automatic. So does preparing yourself for a present-day challenge and soothing yourself if the past comes welling up.The worksheet is a simple tool that will help you get to that point a little faster. And it’s nice to know you have an old friend you can always fall back on if you need to.
* I think it is called “Reprogramming Worksheet” and was published in the Survivorship Journal, Volume 3 Number 8 (August 1991) and Volume 4 Number 3 (March 1992.) You can order back issues from https://survivorship.org/back-issues-of-survivorship/
If anybody happens to have a copy, please post it in the comments section. We are okay copyright-wise: it is “fair use” and we cite the source and credit the author and publication.