I’m Back!

What happened during my break? Not much.

I had planned to travel the whole time, but my trip got cut short. While I was on the road, I didn’t have access to a computer, so not much willpower was involved. I did have an iPad, which I used mainly to take pictures. (As an aside, I am not fond of iPads. I find it hard to type on them, and even harder to spell check or make corrections. Guess I am loyal to my table top Mac.)

It wasn’t too hard to do without the Internet and e-mail, but I did feel a little unsettled. Not crazy, but like something important was missing. When I came back and plunged into my e-mail, I realized that it wasn’t video games or the newspaper but the contact with survivors that had been missing.

Survivors are my people, my community. They understand me like nobody else does. They get my weird humor and at times we can finish each others’ sentences. I say something to a survivor and get a bitter, “Oh yeah” in response, whereas a person who has not been ritually abused will reward me with a blank stare or look away in silent discomfort. The communality of being RA survivors transcends age, gender, race, nationality.

When I got home, I plunged right back into my e-mail support systems and my work. I felt like I was back where I was supposed to be. Not supposed to be as in “What’s the matter with you??? You are supposed to be doing XYZ ” But as in “Ah! I’m at home in myself. This is my life’s work.”

And there was no guilt in talking a break. It was refreshing; it rejuvenated me. I came back feeling deeply grateful that I have  the time,  the tools and the passion to do what I was born to do.

7 thoughts on “I’m Back!

  1. Thank God, you’re back. There was a Jean-shaped hole in the world.
    And yes, it is good to have other cynics around who still love to take chances
    and be in community. We are family to each other, and to those who suffer at the hands of others. And there is compassion among survivors. Goodness. How could it be after all that we have been through. We defy the odds in so
    many ways.


    We have missed you.
    Glad that you had fun and feel refreshed.
    Was wondering….
    What support online places would you recommend for RA Survivors such as we ?
    We feel so very alone yet our interactions w/3D persons we must keep as minimal as possible.
    To keep us Safe.
    Any suggestions will be SO GREATLY Appreciated.
    SO Glad you are back.
    Thank You.
    from Fairlight


  3. Hi Jean, I’m glad you’re back and this still feels like home to you! I have worked hard over the last several years to start to build that feeling, both in my physical space and with a community of other survivors. It is a good feeling. I enjoy reading your posts; you have so many important insights to share and I’m happy to be reading them once again. You are a light and an inspiration to me.


  4. beautiful comments Jean… thank you for naming the feeling so well. Yes, I feel at home among survivors, seeking new ways to see myself and others, and just having that connection seems like it’s “supposed to be”.


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