When I was a little kid, my idea of home was a place where the furniture looked familiar. Guess that is not asking for much!
Later on I learned that other people feel that home is a place where they belong and feel comfortable. I have never, ever felt that, not in over seventy years of living in different places. Twice I have lived in one place for over twenty years, and I still did not feel that way. Every single place I have lived has always felt temporary.
When I figured out how I had been abused and what its effects were, I came to a whole new idea of home. It’s being at home with myself, being reconnected to parts of myself that had previously been cut off. I belong together and I finally feel comfortable.
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Holy…yeah…the furniture!
I can relate, Jeannie. 🙂 I’m glad you’re at home in yourself–that’s most important! I hope, though, that where you live now feels like home or starts to feel like home. For me, part of it is having a pet I love with me. Another part is making my place be how I want it to look and what feels right to all of me. (I have deep pink walls in my living room, a leaf green in my bedroom, a turquoise in my study. I love bright colors, and they feel good to me.) And of course, being safe now and not being abused any more.
Do you know this lovely Melissa Manchester Song? She sings it so beautifully and the words without the song , although lovely, are not nearly as dynamic as with the song. Love, K*Home to Myself by Melissa Manchester*
*I wake up and see The light of the day Shining on me. Make my own time It’s mine to spend Think to myself, My own best friend It’s not so bad all alone Comin’ home to myself again. *
* Now I understand Whatever I feel is whoever I am Watching my life and how its grown Looking on back to friends I’ve known Its not so bad all alone Coming home to myself again.*
* It’s not so bad to get lost in my tears And to laugh and to cry for the years gone by Oh my, oh my,*
* Now somehow I know, I’ve come a long way, Got a long way to go, But something inside Keeps making me strong And in the bad times I’ll get along.*
* ‘Cause it’s not so bad all alone Comin’ home to myself again*
* I’m Comin’ home*
Karen
I never thought of your explanation. That really fits in my experience and explains why I have never felt at home, anywhere. Wow you’re sure thoughtful. (I am about your age and for a while I called myself Jeannie on a forum. Hmmm.”
I can sure relate to this Jeannie. I’m more comfortable now than I’ve ever been, but still needing to work on things… your blog is short but sweet… nice.